What Society Says

Accepting being a submissive

By *k

**This piece is written from the point of view of a female submissive.**

Feminism is the belief that women are capable of doing or being anything equal to that of a man. It is the belief that a woman can, and to a certain extent must, perform actions to match a man. If she does not, then obviously she does not think she is as capable as a man. In other words, female submissives cannot possibly believe in feminism.

Men are raised to believe that they must at all times be strong and powerful. In a relationship, the man should be the one in control. A 'true' man guards and values his power and gives it to no one. A man who has given over his power never was a powerful man anyway, and is shunned as a weakling. Something must be wrong with the male submissive. He must have been raised wrong or he must be weak, to be a submissive.

In SM101, Jay Wiseman talks about a paradox. Why is it, he asks, that society will support any decision a woman makes except the decision to give up her right to make decisions? For women and men alike, giving up their power is a decision that is entered into quite seriously and knowingly. The power is not taken from us; instead it is freely given, and if needs must can be reclaimed at any time. This ability to give over our personal power is a different kind of power in itself.

The decision to give your power to the care of another is not a decision you have any reason to be ashamed of. Feminism has nothing to do with it, not does being a 'proper' man. I, as a female submissive, have given over my right to make certain decisions. If Master wishes, he even has the right to tell me when to sleep and what to wear (or not wear). This does not mean in any way that I, as a woman, do not believe that I am capable of deciding when to sleep and how to clothe myself. It simply means that I have given over that decision to someone else. I did this with full understanding of what such a decision meant, and have fully accepted the implications of that choice.

It takes great strength and personal understanding to acknowledge that you are submissive, and even greater degrees of both to act on that realization. It is initially terrifying, no matter how much you trust your Dom/me, to realize that NOW they can tell you to do anything and you must perform. It takes great personal strength to honour your decision.

Being a submissive is not the equivalent of hanging a sign around your neck that says "Abuse and Misuse Me". In any relationship of any flavour you have the right to end it all the moment things become abusive. You enter into a power exchange with your partner, and agree to certain limits. It is not acceptable that those limits will be breached without your consent. Stretched possibly, but we all have the right to our limits--submissive or not.

I am told that people think I've been in the scene for a very long time. In fact as I write this I've been in the scene for a bit under 18 months, not long at all. They tell me that they think this because I am so accepting of what I am and who I am, and of my role in life and in my relationship with my partner. I have met one or two subs who have this characteristic, and I am also struck by how comfortable they seem with themselves and with others. One of these subs is a male sub, and I was and continually am struck by the pride he takes in being who he is. He also has accepted that he is who he is, and that acceptance reflects well on him and on his Domme.