Tips for Submissives

These are copied from Chris Manch's website - with permission.

Not much for you to do really - just lay there and have a good time! (Only joking)

General Tips

If you arrange a meet and can't make it phone and say so - 40% of subs don't turn up for one reason or another but it's only polite to get in touch - Word will soon get round if you're a time waster and it's a very small scene, most of the serious players know each other!

If you commit to something in a scene try to see it through, nobody likes a sub who complains all the time, if you really can't take any more then say so, but it's always a good idea to say "Sorry Sir" even if it's not your fault ;-) You can mention something unexpected though, for example if something isn't fitting right and is more uncomfortable than it's meant to be, ask for it to be adjusted, tops should be knowledgeable and observant - but they aren't psychic.

Don't expect the first scene you have with a new Top to be perfect, you need to get to know each other before things really start to gel. Some scenes require the sub to have complete trust in the Top, this doesn't often happen on the first meeting, but once you do trust him then stop worrying and relax - Panicking usually makes things far worse!

Don't expect a Top to go to a lot of effort just to give you a good time, scenes are a two way thing and you have to make it worth while for the top, sometimes that just means giving a bit of feedback e.g. struggling against the bondage a bit, playing a role etc, sometimes it may mean you doing rather more (some of the best tops are bottoms too ;-) Don't just lay there like a lump of dead meat, Tops hate that and will do something to get a reaction out of you (and might not stop) but don't try and fake it either, if it hurts do what comes naturally - make a noise.

Unless you try being a Top yourself you won't realize the amount of hard work, planning and preparation that goes into a scene before, during and after, so do show a bit of appreciation and you might get asked back - There are a lot of subs about but very few Tops (and even fewer good ones!) You might think it's hard for you to be led round a club in just a leather jock or similar on a dog lead, bound & gagged - believe me it's much harder to be the Top doing it.

Don't reject guys just because you think they're too old or not attractive enough for you, they're the ones who are most likely to be really good at the scene, it's the young cute ones that probably don't know what they're doing!

You might well find that guys who switch are far more relaxed and fun than pure Tops, who often only get off on domination and imposing their will on you - great if that's what you're into, but bear it in mind. If you're with a pure Top be very careful not to break the illusion, some of them are quite delicate really, bless them.

Sometimes subs are, by nature, more dominant that Tops.

Pain

Just like a lot of things on the BDSM scene your limits are set by your mind, not your body. I'm assuming here that you have a good Top who knows how to do pain properly, if you haven't get one who does!
The top will slowly increase the pain to give your body time to release endorphins (natural pain killers that are half the pleasure in pain). You will reach a point where you will start to struggle a lot and the pain will seem to be unbearable - if you can manage to relax at this point you will find that you can take the pain after all and that it's starting to feel good as well as hurting, now you need to get off on the idea that you really want to take this from your Top, you're taking it from him because you need to, once you can relax and find the idea of taking the pain exciting you can reach a state where you are almost floating free of your body and feel ecstatic - this is what pain is all about :) Don't expect it to work every time though to begin with, it needs a very good Top and an experienced sub to do a pain scene well.

Dog/Slave

Some scenes are more difficult than others, to be a good dog or slave requires your head to be in the right place (on the floor at your masters feet) - to some guys it comes naturally and they learn quickly - some guys will never learn because they can never stop thinking about themselves. Slave & dog training are the scenes where a sub has to really work.

It helps a lot of course if you have had a pet dog at some time and know how dogs behave. There are two main types of dog slave, the first type is mainly into being a dog and will often get treated a lot like a family pet, the second type is mainly into the humiliation etc and will like to be treated much worse than you would ever treat a dog - most guys like somewhere in between, but see TopDog1's site for more detail than I can go into at the moment, perhaps I'll do a dog page when I get time.

Fisting

So you want to get fisted?

Nobody who hasn't been fisted believes that it's mostly in your mind whether you will take a fist, not physical, but it's true.

You have to really want that fist inside you when you're trying to get fisted, but you also have to be relaxed and really getting off on the scene - you can want it too much and pressure yourself.

If you're lucky one day you will be in the middle of a very exciting scene and just find that you have a fist in your ass, but as this doesn't happen that often you may have to do a bit of work ;-) If you're setting out to try and get fisted then choose a guy you trust (preferably with smallish hands) and you can relax with and who knows what he's doing!

Make sure your arse is clean, it won't relax if it isn't.

Most guys can take a fist until the knuckles get between the two muscles of entrance to the arse, then it starts to hurt a bit and they panic and tighten up, it does hurt a BIT, but not very much and once it's in there is no pain at all (taking a fist out is hardly painful at all). So you need to be totally relaxed, don't think about getting fisted, just think about how much you like what is happening and how much you want it inside you! It really helps if you're very excited and if you do chemicals it can help to be quite stoned as well ;-) You probably won't manage first time, but trying is a lot of fun as well, don't think you've failed - just make every time you try a good experience.

A few tips are :

1. There is nothing like plenty of Crisco for fisting
2. With beginners always make movements slow and smooth
3. It takes a lot of pressure to get into an arse, but don't jerk
4. Always make it a good scene whether you succeed or not

Also of course there is washing out ...

Once you get into fisting you seem to spend a large part of your life with either a nail file in your hand or a hose pipe up your ass, it is worth it in the end though.

Everyone has different methods for washing out, but here's mine. I use one of the stainless steel shower attachments and once the water is at a comfortable temperature hold it against your arse, once you arse fills with water and the water starts coming out push the nozzle in. I relax the outer colon muscle now and insert the nozzle all the way up, although this might need a bit of practice. By clamping the colon muscle round the nozzle you can fill the colon up with water until you can feel it just below nipple height, relax the muscle again and the water should come out, repeat this several times until the water runs clean. Now withdraw the nozzle until it is just in the arse and rinse it out. To make sure all the water is out put a finger right into the ass until you feel the entrance to the colon, relax this and hold everything open with the finger until the water stops coming out. If everything isn't still completely clean start again from the beginning.

It's a good idea to start washing out a couple of hours before fisting and then give yourself a small rinse out about 1/2 hour before.

If you have trouble with this you can cheat occasionally. Take 2 Imodium capsules first thing in the morning and another 2 mid afternoon, you should then be able to wash out easily in the evening - but don't do this too often as Imodium can really fuck your guts up if over used, once or twice a week max.

Safety

From the Sub's point of view safety mainly consists of being careful who you let tie you up, most guys on the scene are really great, but there are a few who are incompetent and some who are just dangerous - if you're going to see someone new ask around and see if anyone knows them, do their E-mails or phone calls sound sane? If you have any doubts don't! and always leave a note of where you've gone.

Be sensible when you state your limits, anyone who goes around saying "No Limits" or "Up for Anything" is either certifiable or doesn't know enough to realize exactly what that could mean.

Be aware of what a particular scene is going to entail before you say you want to do it. Usually the reality is very different from the fantasy, if you think Dog Training is all about pats on the head and being told "Good Boy" you're in for a shock!

I've been asked to do things to guys that are impossible or asked to do things for a week that they could barely take for a few hours - If you have a fantasy think it through before you ask for it to be done (especially if you're going to ask for "no get out"!). Unlike me, some guys will give you exactly what you ask for, even if they know you won't be able to take it.

Your Body

Do look out for any bodily changes after a heavy scene, some quite serious conditions can occur without giving obvious signs.

What does your urine normally look like, what does it feel like when you have a crap. Do you feel unwell after a scene.

Symptoms to watch out for:

• Discolored urine
  If your urine changes color to dark brown or red this is very serious and you MUST go to a doctor. It could indicate damage to the kidneys. This can be caused by a direct blow to the kidney or by drinking too much piss. this can happen when you drink your piss over and over even with additional fluid.
• Blood from the asshole
  Small amounts of red blood are often seen after a heavy fucking scene or after fisting, this is not unusual.

  However if the bleeding continues for more than a day or if there is a lot of pain seek medical advice. If you feel sick and shivery and have a cold sweat you must go to a doctor - if you develop a fever as well this is a serious medical emergency.

• Cloudy urine
  If there is no pain all this indicates is that you have not come in ages. But if there is pain and the urine has a rank smell it could indicate a bladder infection. This can be caused by all sorts of things. If you have been catheterized it is a good idea to drink plenty of citrus juice immediately after - lemon squash is also good.
• Shock
  Shock is the body's way of saying it cannot cope with the demands being put on it. You will feel faint, shivery, sick and thirsty. All sorts of things can lead to shock including pain. Do not drink anything, moistening the lips with plain water is ok. Lie down. Get yourself covered in something warm. If the symptoms persist for more than a few minutes you should go to hospital. Shock is very serious and can kill if not treated.

Thanks to everyone who has helped with ideas for this page - it's comforting to know that a lot guys really do understand what they're doing and the risks involved, and are willing to share their experience with others. It's a shame everyone on the scene doesn't take the trouble to find out!