Picking and Finding a Dom/sub

by Long Haired Angel

Direct any questions or comments to Him at the address below.

I was asked recently by several people about "How do you pick the right Dom/submissive"? And that started me thinking and me thinking near something to write on is a dangerous thing...

The submissives I have talked to about this seem to related similar ideas and I must admit, from my past experience with a master of martial arts I felt much the same things in a very non-sexual way.

There is a feeling of shrinking... not in importance or personal power... but of shrinking and being allowed to be smaller. Or maybe it is that the Dominant grows... no one could really be sure. There is just this utter feeling of safety and contentment, that the submissive can feel safe to be smaller, feel safe to be vulnerable.

There is an awareness of the person. You can sense when they are near without having to see them. You know where you are in relation to them, you know almost what they wish before they speak it. It is this strange feeling of completion.

There is a thrill at the slightest smile you bring. The slightest form of acceptance brings you a feeling of pride that you have done well. The smallest words of praise have a remarkable effect on you, making you feel almost giddy. If you can remember being in school and answering the question right and that feeling of complete pride when the teacher told you "very good," then you can understand a small percentage of this feeling.

Their touch doesn't touch just your body... it touches your soul... when they touch you in any way you feel almost powerless to resist. More importantly, you don't want to resist. The trust and emotions bring you to a point of wanting to be guided by their hand... needing to be guided by their hands. Not that you become a mindless drone, on the contrary, you make the choice and put forth the effort to follow because it is right for you.

When a dominant meets the sub that is right there is this feeling inside that is hard to describe. The only way I can is this:

When I was young every year we went to this little shop where an old guy made hand made Christmas ornaments. As part of our Christmas we were allowed to choose one ornament to get and place on the tree. I know sounds stupid today, but to us it was a very special thing.

The decorations in there were amazing, so beautiful. They were wood or hand blown glass for the most part, so delicate and yet strong. And they all sparkled. It was a hard choice every year because you would always want the prettiest ornament for your own and my brother and sister and I would rush to find it so we could lay claim to it.

But then you'd see one. Perhaps to someone else it was not the most beautiful but to you it was... breathtaking. This was your ornament. It wasn't the one you wanted, it wasn't the one you thought was best or prettiest or most sparkly. It was yours. It was just feeling that this ornament was the one you needed, it was part of your Christmas already and without Christmas would not be the same.

You would already know where it belonged on the tree. It was almost as if you remembered it even though you never knew it to start off. You could see it there as clear as day as you looked at it... there was no question in your mind.

That is how it is meeting the sub that is perfect for you. Without that submissive... Christmas will never be the same.

Sometimes this is a quick recognition... sometimes it takes a long time. But eventually you know... the sub is yours. There is not so much claiming as accepting of that, finally admitting it. Stating the obvious facts to the world. Claiming is not taking control so much as admitting to the control you already have.

So I guess my answer to the question "How do you pick the perfect Dom/sub"? is simple... you don't. You will find that it is either a yes or a no...they are right or they are not. You'll know in your heart which is the case. When you find the right one you will feel it through your entire soul. We don't pick them... we only find them.

So don't be in a rush to ogle all the ornaments... you may rush by the one that will complete your Christmas tree and make it perfect.