On Gifting a FemDom

By Elizabeth Anna Wright aka Madame E

It is interesting that submissives expect to meet a FemDom for the first time empty handed. Even worse, meeting Her at her home empty handed. Instead of meeting a gentleman, a FemDom finds herself meeting a male creature, who somehow believes that his sheer existence is all she ever needed to be content. Or perhaps arrogantly enough, he believed his tongue and his licking abilities should suffice and excuse his poor manners.

Gifts symbolize thought, time, and effort spent in the process of choosing them. They are a selfless act, a token of adoration, an expression of gratitude. However, it seems that when a man hears of a gift for a woman, his mind immediately wanders to roses or flowers of some kind. When a submissive hears of a gift to a FemDom, he thinks "tribute" and "buying her off", even worse "treating her like a hooker".

Quite interesting is the perception of what a gift means to a Lady. Searching the internet, I was inundated with information about corporate gift giving etiquette, whereas not much is written about gift giving from a man to a woman. Moreover, I have not seen anything written about presenting a gift to a FemDom, other than a few gift/wish lists formulated by FemDoms themselves, usually of the Professional persuasion.

What is it about gifts that make a woman seem like a whore in a man's eyes? As far as I can recall, whores did not receive gifts, they got cash in exchange for sexual favors. A gift is something given without expecting anything in return.

The world of Gifts:

Gifts fall into three categories: Pragmatic, Frivolous, and Symbolic. Pragmatic gifts are items that a FemDom may need and will eventually get for herself given enough time and finances.

Frivolous gifts are items that a FemDom would not normally buy regardless of her finances because she may view them as too lush and can't reasonably justify spending the money on such a thing, though she would not mind acquiring it if it were presented to her.

Symbolic gifts these are of the poetry and roses variety. Though some FemDoms are die hard romantics, others are not. These tend to be a safe gift in general unless a FemDom is one who loathes receiving them <smile>.

Where does one start?

Having said that, it is a challenge for a submissive to pick a gift for a FemDom, particularly if this is his first time meeting her. Though he may be familiar with her style, he may not know much about her preferences.

Traditional roses and chocolate are an easy way out. However, I know a few FemDoms who do not take well to dead plants. And though a delightful box of Godiva chocolate may be sinful and decadent, she may be on a diet, and perhaps chocolate is not the best to offer during that time.

The gift you give is a direct reflection of your taste. FemDoms are courted by many submissives at a given time. Will she remember where this particular gift came from? Make it distinctive and cater it to her interest. Perhaps it was something you discussed or something she mentioned in a conversation about her hobbies or perhaps something she was thinking about acquiring. Is she into gardening, cooking, photography, art, yoga... etc. Does she enjoy a particular artist, writer or musician?. Does she enjoy tea service? or perhaps she enjoys her feet pampered? Or perhaps she uses a particular beauty salon for her monthly facials or biweekly pedicures and manicures. Some of these offerings may seem quite simple, yet they show consideration as much as attention to detail.

Avoid intimate gifts at the first time. Such gifts are too presumptuous. On the other hand, if the encounter is purely sexual and was discussed as such, then an intimate gift of the appropriate size is quite sexy.

Should you gift in toys? perhaps, however, most FemDoms have a collection of their own and may not care particularly for the implement you selected. However, you may have gleamed from your conversation that she would care for a particular implement.

If you are still unclear from the conversation, you can perhaps try to inquire from those who know her, other FemDoms or current submissives.

Other choices:

Giving her cash is not a gift. It is payment for a service. She may be a professional FemDom and enjoy the receipt of cash, however, this is different from giving her a gift. An alternative to an actual gift is a to give a Gift Certificate to say a large department store where she can pick and choose what she pleases. You can give a gift card to a store where FemDom registered. Another good idea is an American Express GiftCheque. They are a thoughtful gift and much appreciated by people because they are easy to use, universally accepted and timeless. (They have no expiration date). They arrive elegantly packaged in a gold envelope and they are replaceable if lost or stolen. The Gift Cheques - as their website boasts - can be used to buy virtually anything, from stereo speakers to a new sweater, from a spa treatment to a puppy. They are available in a variety of denominations.

How much should you spend?

Depends. It is expected that you are cognizant of your own budget and bills. No sensible FemDom will expect you to go broke over this (just as she would expect you to remain in good health). It's not how much you spend that makes a gift appreciated, but the thought and care you put into choosing it. Expensive gifts are traditionally viewed in a negative light, however, there is no reason not to lavish her if it is something you can afford comfortably. This of course is different from a relationship where financial servitude is expected. In such a dynamic, feelings of embarrassment or humiliation may be involved, which are quite different from the feelings generated by offering a gift.

When is it appropriate to gift?

I cannot think of a time when it is inappropriate to present a gift. Though there are certain times that are deemed "traditional" in terms of gift giving, such as her birthday or the holidays - spontaneous gifts are far more enjoyable.

Online Interactions

At times, a FemDom may correspond solely via online communication with a submissive. These may be instances of simply answering questions, whereas at other times they may be cases of "on-line training". Regardless, a gift remains a token of appreciation for her knowledge and time spent with you.

Presentation

Presentation is half the fun of receiving a gift. Always wrap a gift before giving it. Not wrapping a gift implies carelessness and undermines the impact of your gift. If you are all thumbs trying to tie a bow, have the store where you purchased the gift wrap it for you. In selecting the wrapping, consider the FemDom you are presenting the gift to. Some may prefer simple wraps that are ecologically safe. Personally, I prefer elaborate wraps in gold, silver or red.

You should always enclose a card with a note expressing how you feel toward the particular FemDom. Asking her humbly to accept your offering is never lost on her. Of course, I am making an assumption that your humble behavior is genuine.

When giving a gift, she may not chose to open it immediately. This is acceptable behavior. After all, she can do as she pleases. When she thanks you, accept her generosity. Never disparage your gift with remarks like "Oh, it's nothing!" because fact is, it is something and you are doing it for an ulterior motive. So be honest, you are full of pride when you see that smile gracing her lips.

Elizabeth Anna Wright aka Madame E

EMAIL: Elizabeth Anna Wright