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Courting A Dominant Woman

by Laura Goodwin

A few words of advice for submissive men who wish for success in the courtship process:

Not all, but certainly most of the heterosexual dominant women I've known want a guy who's got a lot on the ball. They want to be impressed, and BTW, they want to be made to feel special: to be courted. Sub males have a slightly different script to follow when courting a dominant woman, but it's not *that* different. Be polite, punctual, well-groomed, and *please* NO intimate gifts, such as panties or stockings, until you are actually intimate. You may bring flowers, if she likes them, but red roses are inappropriate for a first encounter. Yellow roses tell her you are terrified of displeasing her, go for the gold.

It is important to be honest about your strengths and weaknesses, if she asks, but keep a *little* mystery, will ya? Don't dump your whole life story, especially in your first conversation/letter. You are trying to get to know her a little, and let her get to know you. If you get a clear, unmistakable sign from her that to her you could possibly be more than a friend, and if you like her, *then* you turn on the charm and do your darnedest to win her over.

Lots of men and women who meet through ads or S/M support groups make the mistake of rushing off to have dinner together. This is wrong. First, take a walk together. If that doesn't quickly become tiresome, then you may get coffee, even lunch together. Then you stop! Then you go home! Send her a note of thanks for the fine company, call on the phone to ask if you may visit again, and leave it up to her. If she doesn't encourage you, give up!

Let's assume the lady in question has requested that you consider yourself to be in the running. Groovy, but you are not out of the woods. She doesn't own you yet, and *you don't own her*. Bear in mind that you probably have competition for her attention, so keep your best foot forward, and make your mind up to be sporting.

Getting to know such a woman goes by degrees:

  1. One way or another you get one another's names, this is called "We've met."
  2. You hang out at the same places. This is called "We're acquainted."
  3. You like her a lot and wish to date her. This is, "I admire her." (She might admire you, too.)
  4. You walk, have lunch, call on the phone. Called, "I'm seeing her."
  5. You go on a date for dinner, and dancing or a show. "We went out."
  6. You spend Saturday naked at her place doing housework and cooking for her, maybe she lets you touch her somewhere. You ask to know if there are many rivals for her love. This is called, "We had a great time together Saturday."
  7. (This is where the *red* roses come in) She has let you know that she prefers *your* company. You decide to seriously allow yourself to be shaped into her complete love slave, if she'll have you. You fling your heart and everything attached to it at her feet. She graciously accepts. This is known as, "We're pretty serious about each other."
  8. (This is where the worthless worm part comes in) You have your first serious disagreement, meaning you don't let her win. You stick to your guns. She concedes the point because it's not worth a blow-up, then hates herself and you. You leave, while both of you are thinking that the relationship is doomed. You wisely decide that serious groveling can be fun, so you abase yourself and beg her forgiveness (bringing a valuable gift, preferably precious metal. If you have shared an orgasm before now, you must include a gemstone). This is, "Sometimes I can be such an idiot."
  9. If she hasn't mentioned it before now, then now you ask if she intends to collar and claim you.
    1. If she's not sure, ask how she'd feel about you acting like a free man. If she says you are free, better believe it, and start dating other ladies again.
    2. If she wants to claim you, open up about any things you have reservations about, then ask again. If she then has doubts, see 9a.) This is called, "We had a very serious discussion about us."
  10. She decides to claim you as her own. You share the happy news with your S/M pals by saying "I'm owned! I am property! I belong to mistress (her name) and I'm helpless in her glorious hands!" To your vanilla friends you say, "I'm engaged!" In any case, you give her a ring. A Really Nice One.
  11. You begin to politic with each other about every niggling thing in the relationship. This isn't called anything. Nobody talks about this part, but everybody does it (it's necessary to make progress).
  12. Eventually, you share a household. It is her house. You wash her undies for her. You notice that her undies aren't worthy of her heavenly pelvis. NOW you buy her underwear! You say, "Darling, I got something for you today!"

This essay and all site contents Copyright L. Goodwin 1990 -2001