Dealing With The After Effects of A Predator

By Norische

Three hours have gone by and the tears are still flowing, although they have calmed from the soul wrenching sobs to the whimpers of a lost child. Somewhere between the sniffing and the hiccups the story unfolds, a predator has stuck and another gentle soul has paid the price.

Depression, helplessness, guilt, fear, anger, confusion all take their turn at the mind of the prey, each emotion tearing at the very structure that holds the mind together. The prey no longer has the grasp of understanding that was once present, trust has become an enemy, fear holds tight to the reigns and guides the mind into places that no one should be forced to look into. Where did the love go? Where is the trust? What happened to honor, pride, and loyalty? What about peace, self-confidence, have they no place in this shattered mind? Have they been forced back so deep into the dark places that they no longer touch the conscious mind?

After weeks on anti-depressive medicine and many nights of being held while crying herself to sleep, just to be awakened by nightmares, the mind begins to rebuild. Somewhere in the shattered fragments of the mind reality becomes a light and a hand reaches out guides the prey back into the safety of the heart.

Just as the mind thinks it is safe to come out again, to trust, perhaps even to love, the predator strikes again, refusing to leave the prey alone. The fact that the prey is already weak makes the hunt that much more savory. Perhaps with the right word, the right gesture the prey will give in, surrender once again all that has yet to be given. Again even through the efforts of the predator, a hand reaches out and takes a firm grasp of the prey and guides it to safety. A warning is given to stay away, to break all ties with the prey, but as with all true predators the warning is not headed and the hunt continues.

When all else fails the prey sees through the guise of the predator and understanding takes a firm hold. The prey chooses to break the hold, to sever all ties that the predator has created. When the predator speaks the words fall on deaf ears. When it writes the words fall from the page like sands in an hourglass. The tears fall no more. The prey is prey no more. Finding security and safety within the arms of friends and loved ones a person if found once more.

She cannot find the understanding within herself to rationalize that which has been done, logic escapes her and she is forced to come to one irrefutable conclusion, he is a predator. New emotions begin to surface, as well as some that have previously made their presence known. Guilt, did she know before and did nothing to stop him? Fear, will he come back again, will he ever stop? Self-hatred, did she encourage him by not stopping him sooner? Helplessness, was there nothing she could have done to prevent this, isn’t there anything that will make him stop? Confusion, why did he do this to me and is he doing it to others as well? Pain, can I ever love again, can I ever trust again? Depression, is there any use?

Time ticks by, slowly the wounds heal, the mind sets itself aright and the person walks back into light. Freedom to be alive, freedom to live again, freedom to love again found within the arms of the heart.

What is a Predator

pred·a·tor (click to hear the word)

(pr ^ĕ d ^'Ə -t ^Ə r, t ^Ô r)

n.
1. An organism that lives by preying on other organisms.
2. One that victimizes, plunders, or destroys, especially for one's own gain.

This definition is very basic, but it is the most common definition.

However the physical and psychological profiles of a predator are rather complex.

Over 70% of all predators are male.
The most common age group is the 35 to 50.
If the individual is employed they are usually in a position of authority over others, they tend to look for occupations where they will have contact with possible prey. Doctor, counselor, spiritual advisor, police officer and psychologist, are just a few of the chosen occupations. High profile means more influence.
Relationship problems, an inability to understand the dynamics of a monogamous relationship. Normally short term relationships, but once a predator has found willing prey they will stay with that individual until it bores them to do so, and they must seek a new conquest.
Sexual dysfunction, normally predatory individuals feel they must prey on the others because they lack the self-confidence to socialize properly, this is frequently cause by sexual frustration, and inadequacies.
There are no or little signs of remorse, normally a predator spends a great deal of time creating excuses and trying to find logic in its actions.
It is not uncommon for a predator to be highly intelligent, even to the point of genius.
Predators are very dependant people, they need their prey. They need prey to create a façade to give them the power that they feel they cannot obtain any other manner.
Predators manipulate others emotions. They are experts at creating a wide variety of emotional states within an individual. They can manipulate the emotions of the prey so that the prey will take the blame for any inappropriate actions as well as feeling guilty about the whole thing.
Predators are users. They will drain the finances, resources, emotions, and literal life from their prey, They use their influence to get what they want and they do not take no for an answer.

These references are primarily associated with what is commonly known as "stalkers," however the resemblance to the common predator is unmistakable. In the BDSM society there are unfortunately predators.

Predator or not a Predator

How does one decide if someone is a predator or not? If you have to ask yourself this question then the answer is probably... the individual is a predator. Within the BDSM lifestyle a predator may disguise themselves as a Dom/Domme , a Master or a Mistress. They will use the natural submissive nature of a slave/submissive to get what they want.

If an individual makes repeated attempts to get personal even after you have expressed you are not interested... they might be a predator.
If you get repeated unsolicited emails or letters... they might be a predator.
If the individual sends harassing or lude messages, even after you have asked them to leave you alone... they might be a predator.
If the person suddenly starts asking others for personal information, such as where you work, where you live, your financial standing, even asking others to set up a meeting... they might be a predator.
If the person shows up at your home uninvited, even after you have asked them to leave you alone... they might be a predator.
If you are force to block an individual from your email, or IM and the person merely seeks another route to contact you... they might be a predator.
If they use phrases that illicit high emotions, such as guilt, fear, embarrassment, and pity... they might be a predator.

These examples are by no means the only things that a predator will do, but the more of these actions that are present the more likely the person can be considered a predator.

Predator Repellant

How does one rid himself or herself of a predator? Within the lifestyle the easiest way to get rid a predator is to find a protector, a friend or mentor that can stand up for you when you feel you cannot stand up for yourself. If the predator persist the next step is go to the proper authorities, simple but very useful things like restraining orders can make your life so much easier. There are some very useful stalking laws on the books these days that make it much easier to ensure that no one must endure these behaviors.

Just a couple of suggestions... if you think someone is behaving in a predatory manner toward you, keep all evidence. Make a hard copy of all emails, IM’s , letters, notes and pictures sent to you. Write down somewhere that any behavior that the person has done to make you feel uncomfortable or frightened.

If you have any questions, feel as if you are being preyed upon or if you simply need to talk to someone my email is Norisch1@mchsi.com.