Masturbation

By Mistress Ariachne

While most of us tend to think of masturbation as a solo activity, performed far away from the prying eyes of our partner, self-eroticism has wonderful potential as a tool for domination and other partner scenes. Because the act of masturbation is rich with shameful connotations, it can be used as a very effective psychological control tool as well as a physical technique. Below you'll find a few ways to bring masturbation into your BDSM play.

Between-scene orgasm control

I often deny my submissives orgasm between our play sessions. I like to have my subs all worked up and begging for release when they see me. But sometimes I feel like making it even more difficult for them. In these cases, I order a submissive to masturbate daily--or even more often--while thinking of me and the punishments that will await them. The difficult part is that they must bring themselves right to the edge of orgasm--but not allow themselves release. Sometimes I will have a submissive call me while he or she masturbates so I can hear how close they are getting themselves. Having a phone connection also makes it easier to enforce the rules. I tell the submissive sexy stories about what I'm going to do to him or her and try to make them as hot as possible. It is exquisite torture for them, long-distance style.

In-scene orgasm control

The same technique can be applied when the submissive is actually in a scene with you. Of course, your presence will excite them even more. I particularly enjoy making the submissive masturbate almost to orgasm over and over again. I don'tusually let them know if they will be allowed to finally release or not.

Learning your partner's style

Observing how your partner masturbates is one of the best ways to learn what techniques really get him or her going. There is something deliciously shameful for most of us in masturbating in front of someone. I usually augment the shame by talking dirty to my submissive while he or she masturbates. I situate myself very close to the action and observe closely, while making comments like "I can see what a dirty girl you are, rubbing yourself like that and getting yourself so wet." I take many mental notes about what my submissive is doing. Is he using lube or going dry? Does she stick a finger inside or just concentrate on the external bits? I usually make my submissive masturbate for me many, many times so I can learn the subtle variations they enjoy. Check out the pressure, speed, and acceleration they prefer. The more effective you are at turning your partner on, the more control you can exert over him or her.

Public masturbation

It's one thing to masturbate in front of your partner; it's quite another to do it in front of a group of friends--or even strangers! When a submissive is tied to a cross at a play party, getting flogged and tortured by her master or mistress, the illusion that she is not in control is intact. Many submissives find it easy to do public scenes because they can tell themselves everything is being done to them; they are not responsible for the embarrassing things that are happening to them.

Bringing in masturbation can change that dynamic spectacularly. Now the sub becomes an active participant in the naughtiness, not a passive receiver. I do recommend starting somewhat lightly with a sub that has never played with themselves in public. It can be extremely difficult and perhaps not very enjoyable at first due to the incredible sense of shame that is built into us. However, as you work up a sub's public masturbation experience, he or she will most likely begin to feel the pleasure mixed in with the shame. Sometimes the dirtiest acts are the ones that turn us on the most.

I usually start by having my submissive touch his or her body, not necessarily the genitals. You can make it into a game by asking him or her to perform a sexy dance or pretend he or she is a stripper. Order your submissive to make the touching as erotic as possible. Tell them you want to get turned on by watching.

After a submissive is properly warmed up, you can have him or her start concentrating on the genitals. I usually keep it at a fairly playful level for a while, having the submissive masturbate more for show. But eventually I order him or her to start concentrating on giving themselves real pleasure. This is when I encourage them to start getting themselves closer to orgasm. Be warned: it can be difficult to get a submissive to come for the first time in front of others--although some are natural exhibitionists and will explode quickly. But keep trying. Eventually they will let go and give in to the mix of shame and pleasure and will most likely become quite addicted to public self-play.

At that point, you can start introducing all kinds of toys, vibrators, and so on. I make some of my submissives masturbate with household items like tool handles, tampons, and even food (meat and fruit are good choices for men; vegetables for women). This heightens the shame factor, especially since the sub knows he or she is being watched.

I believe masturbation in general is a great tool for opening up a submissive to taking more control over his or her own pleasure. Although at first it may seem like a solo activity, you'll find it can be highly effective in your BDSM scenes.