The Validity Of Switching

By SoulThief

A switch is defined as someone who is neither exclusively a Dominant nor exclusively a submissive.

Criticisms

I have heard quite a few people in the scene dismiss switches. Their argument is usually that "to really be a part of the scene, be that Dom/me or sub, is such a total thing that there is no room for the other facet. You are simply either a Dom/me or a sub. To try and be both is to fail at truly being either."

I would disagree with that sentiment, for the reasons I am about to put forward.

A Common Observation

An observation I have heard is that all scene people lie on a scale. Dom/mes are at one end, subs are at the other, with switches in the middle.

Along that scale you get people who are 100% Dom/me, 0% sub - "complete Dom/mes"; 100% sub, 0% Dom/me "complete subs"; and then a range of switches who can vary from 99% of one, 1% of the other, through to the complete opposite.

This scale tends to support the argument that a switch is neither 100% one thing nor 100% the other, at best an 'almost'.

A Refined Observation

I would refine that observation a little to suggest that everyone, scene or non-scene, lie on not one but two scales. There is a scale of Dominance and a scale of submission. Each scale has a complete range from zero to one hundred percent, with people lying on each scale irrespective of how they lie on the other.

The "complete subs" can be any amount of the sub scale, but also 0% on the Dominant scale with "complete Dom/mes" being the opposite. The important thing for being exclusively sub is to combine a degree of submissiveness with absolutely no Dominance and, as always, vice-versa for Dom/mes.

The vanilla world simply sits at (or only admits to *grin*) zero on both scales, happy in who they are.

An important thing to realise is that being 100% on either scale is not really the goal. Different people enjoy the scene to different degrees. For some it is one of a set of turn ons, for others it is a fundamental part of who they are as a person. Certainly a Lifestyle person is probably going to be at the extreme of one or other scale but I would suggest that there is just as much validity to being anywhere from vanilla, to a lifestyler, through casual to more intense interest.

This theory is also supported by evidence as to how much people want to be involved with the scene. A 40% sub may well only want a 40% Dom/me who is capable of being quite happy spending the majority of their life not involved with the scene. A 100% Dom/me on the other hand may find it hard to balance things with a 40% sub, simply not enjoying a majority vanilla lifestyle - they'd be happier with a 100% sub.

Back To Switches

If you can accept that having a varying submissive streak or a varying Dominant streak is valid, it helps in understanding what makes a switch character and how they are just as valid as anyone else.

Switches are simply not exclusively on either scale. A switch can be 80% Dom/me and 20% sub, but they can also be 80% Dom/me and 80% sub. That does not mean they are 160% of a person, it means they are simply very strongly influenced by both aspects.

There will be switches who have a little of both and enjoy occasional scene experiences from either side. There will be switches who are a lot of both, for whom the scene is just as important as to those who choose to make it a 24/7 part of their life but again enjoy that experience from both sides. There will also be those who have different amounts, who may occasionally like to sub and even less often, but still sometimes, like to Dom/me or those for whom Dominance is a part of who they are but just occasionally like to explore the flip-side by submitting.

Conclusions

It is common for us to want to socialise with other people like us. For that reason Lifestyle couples may often feel that occasional players are somehow less genuine. Occasional players may find lifestylers slightly over the top. Fetishists may find D/s folk boring while the D/s folk may find the fetishists to be missing the point. The point is, while we have our own choices and often have a natural tendency to want to associate with others who are the same, that does not make those who do not quite see things from our point of view wrong. One of the great strengths of the scene is the lack of discrimination - to miss out on that is to miss out on a really important aspect.

Accepting yourself and being the best person you can be is what the scene is really all about. How much the scene is a part of your life is up to you. Switches are simply people for whom the different aspects both play a [possibly different] role in their lives.