Sheltered, Sane and Consensual

by Jill Carter

ISSUE 84
THE LEATHER JOURNAL
Page 57

We taught, learned, played, bonded, loved, cared and looked out for one another.

Our reputations were defined by our skills, abilities and knowledge.

It wasn't AIDS that drove the Old Guard into retirement - it was Dungeon etiquette, or lack of it.

I have always believed in, lived by, and practiced Safe, Sane and Consensual SM play, long before it was formalized. It was, for the Old Guard, the unwritten code one among many - that went without saying.

Was it practiced by all? Hell, no! That's why we had private clubs like Eulenspiegel, Inferno, LSM, and Club De Sade. Each taught one. We taught, learned, played, bonded, loved, cared and looked out for one another.

Novices were welcomed, and brought on board in a safe, sane and consensual environment. We learned how to be safe, heavy players.

We didn't need Dungeon Masters, because experience was our Master. The experts were known and respected well enough that if they had to step in to stop a scene, no questions were asked, nor excuses given. The scene ended then and there. We policed ourselves.

The closest we had were the well known bouncers, who only stepped in if they were asked to or if someone was being harassed who didn't want to be. My favorite bouncer, Big Bob of Hellfire and Marquis De Sade Club, would ask me privately if everything was okay before he dared infringe upon a scene. He stepped in, not because I was doing anything wrong, but to protect me from onlookers who were interfering with my scene space.

Back then, you earned your reputation by playing in public. That reputation traveled across the country and even the world through word-of-mouth. The best were revered and respected, the worst humiliated and ostracized. Those who watched knew instinctively the scene etiquette, or they soon learned.

I remember several incidents when a scene was stopped because we knew, not felt, it was out of control and unsafe. One such scene was a brutal flogging that was being performed incorrectly.

Jack Jackson, president and a founding member of the New York Society of Eulenspiegel, was known for stopping potential deadly scenes. He would bellow, "That's enough? Stop the scene right now! We don't play like that around here."

Jack stopped the scene not because it was too heavy, but because it was dangerous, unsafe and, if left to continue, would have injured the bottom permanently. Jack was as heavy a player as they came.

A voyeur once got in Jack's space to get a better view of a flogging scene with his slave, Violetta. Jack stopped the scene, turned to the onlooker and asked, "You want some of this?"

The onlooker turned red with embarrassment and shock and shook his head no.

"Well, then I suggest that you stay the hell back!"

Not only did the observer move back, but the entire audience, who was already a safe distance away, moved even further to make sure Jack had enough space. I have seen and on a few occasions have had to intervene like this myself.

Like I said, performing well in public is how you earned your reputation, got invited to the private parties, and how you got personal invitations to the new clubs. That's why we tended to see the same faces at the same events. This became the inner circle. You knew you were a part of the circle if you kept running into the others at club openings.

It wasn't AIDS that drove the Old Guard into retirement - it was Dungeon etiquette, or lack of it. While I was still making the circuit, I began to see fewer familiar faces. Only a major occasion brought out the inner circle. I started asking why I had not seen them around. I got the same responses no matter who answered.

The scene is changing, the Old Guard replied. You can't enjoy yourself because of the tourists, the new breed of voyeurs who had no dungeon etiquette. Everywhere you go the tourists go right into your space. They have no respect. They talk out loud during our scenes.

One Mistress talked about a tourist who stepped into a scene to tell her where to flog her slave. The tourists didn't have a clue. They only wanted to see someone getting flogged. They couldn't conceive of the art form and beauty of this sexual energy. Half of them weren't even players.

After a while, the tourists' behavior became overwhelming. We spent more energy heating off the tourists than doing a scene.

We have now swung to the other extreme, and many of the old players are finding themselves offended by the intrusion of today's Dungeon Masters. Why? I've heard various versions. What I have observed at public dungeon parties, however, reminds me of an incident that happened while I was in college.

I attended a college that seemed oblivious of, and protected from, the campus unrest, war protests, Black Militant activities, and racial strife that was festering on other campuses across the Country. That is until two Black females from UCLA visited our Campus for a year.

They came with radical, militant philosophies and ideals. They had attended classes taught by professor Angela Davies. They were stationed in my dorm of 300 women, 50 of whom were Black females They sounded a wake-up call that United all Black females in our dorm.

We had two Cultures, Blacks and whites trying to coexist under the same roof, neither one understanding or even trying to understand each other. At best, this was a living hell. Minor, petty incidents were turning into major confrontations.

Our cultural clash eventually led to the Dungeon Master mentality. Black Students liked to blast their stereos during the day and Study at night. White Students studied during the day and drank beer and played water sports in the hallways at night Water sports, by the way, were just that - throwing water on each other.

I became a quiet participant of the new Black coalition. I had, in fact, been made the contact person for my floor in a phone network constructed to assemble Blacks in a moment's notice.

One night I got the call, "Shit going down on the first floor? Be there!"

Click.

Quickly I roused the other two Black females on my floor. Forty other Black females had gathered in the hallway when we arrived. It was a tense and hostile mob. I listened its Murna (one of the UCLA students) explained the events that led to this situation.

Apparently, she had been trying to study (with tier room door open, which was the norm among all the students) and the white girls next door were having a little party. They had their boyfriends over, were drinking beer and getting rowdy. Murna went next door and asked them if they could keep it down. They agreed. Things quieted down for awhile and than started back, only this time with trash can water fights in the hallway. Murna confronted them again and things got a little bit nasty. That's when Murna sounded the alarm.

Murna went on to say, when they saw the Black girls assembling in her room, the party crowd locked themselves in the Graduate Assistant's room.

Picture this: seven scared, white girls locked safely behind a solid, oak, wood door, with access to a phone that went off campus. No way in hell could Murna nor anyone else break down that door. It was physically impossible.

Murna had managed to generate a mob mentality. She then led the group to the door and she alone began pounding on the door and shouting for the girls to come out before she broke it down.

I thought to myself, "This is absurd. Who would be stupid enough to come out and face this?"

I watched in amazement as the door slowly opened and these girls filed out into the hallway. Immediately, the mob closed in around them. Talk about a heavy scene. I knew the group wasn't going to hurt them, just scare them.

Here's where Cultural differences and teachings come into play. The white girls had been so protected and sheltered that they didn't know how to deal with the reality of the situation. These white girls didn't realize that we couldn't break down the door. They didn't think about calling the cops. Had the Situation been reversed, I know damn well I would have. I wouldn't have opened that door under any circumstances short of being rescued.

They didn't realize that they had the upper hand. Instead they opened the door to emerge from safety only to have their self-esteem pulverized. They had been so used to having someone else protect them that they didn't know how to protect themselves.

From that night on, we had Dungeon Masters. The system began to protect the white population. The system started jumping into situations even when they had no business interfering. The system no longer recognized normal from abnormal, friendly fire from real. This widened the division among the cultures. Instead of learning about each other, we were isolated through over-protectiveness.

My college example parallels the situation between the Old Guard and the New. Members of the Old Guard, including myself, learned to play rough and tough and safe. No matter how close we came to the edge, and believe me, we pushed the boundaries, we played safe. Our rite of passage was public play. Those who didn't play safe couldn't play in public for long.

Our reputations were defined by our skills, abilities and knowledge. And nothing is worse than being publicly humiliated by peers or a Leather Master or Mistress.

A number of cultural differences exist between the old players and the new. Until we teach each other about these differences, we will never learn to respect nor distinguish between Safe, Sane and Consensual versus Sheltered, Sane and Consensual.

The Old Guard will continue to retreat from parties. Our cultural clashes will continue to strip us of our history, strength, unity, and bonding through common pleasures in the Leather world.

To remedy this situation, I propose that we take workshops one step further - interactive practice sessions. People learn best when they are involved in hands-on practice in a safe environment. The clubs and play spaces that existed when the Old Guard was new and finding it's way, have all disappeared. Our close-knit circles have grown out of control.

Conferences have filled the void for the New Guard, but lack the necessary on the job training opportunities.

Example: Bring enough rope for all participants to practice knots, with or without a partner, under the guidance of an expert.

Watching is only a part of the curriculum. The New Guard needs to practice under the guidance of experts.

We need to find creative and interactive Safe, Sane and Consensual ways to provide the novices with hands-on experiences. With careful planning and implementation, interactive conferences provide the best outlet.

Through these conferences, the Old Guard could provide a rite of passage - a new way of teaching, learning and experiencing. This also would bridge the gap between the two cultures.