What is a paraphilia? In long form, it's a scenario whose real or fantasized presence is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification. In short, it's a fetish.

There are so many paraphilias in the world, the range is simply astounding. Think of it this way: if it exists, someone probably has a fetish for it. And, unbeknownst to me, the simplest and most common of erotic happinesses are considered fetishes. To my surprise, I am apparently an agoraphiliac cunnilaliast gymnophiliac acomoclictic medolalian omolagnian martymachlian voyeurist exhibitionist fisting freak. Who knew? I'll have to add it to my resume, I guess.

It's not uncommon for someone to have a fetish that they have to go out of their way to accommodate. But there are some fetishes out there that are so extreme, they are completely illegal and sometimes life-threatening. We've taken the liberty of listing all the fetishes and put them in categories listed by uniqueness and severity. Enjoy!

Aww…That's Cute

• Acomoclitic — Shaved and completely hairless genitals are a turn-on.
• Agoraphilia —Gettin' it on out in public is hot, hot, hot!
• Alphmegamia —Bring on the older, seasoned men.
• Altocalciphilia —High heels make this person horny.
• Antholagnia —The scent of a flower brings about that special tingly feeling.
• Asthenolagnia —When this person's partner is mamby-pamby, this makes him or her quite randy. I'm also kind of a poet and like, didn't realize it.
• Cunnilalia —Just talking about female genitalia gives this person the proverbial or actual woody.
• Cunnilingus —Tonguing vulva is titillating.
• Doraphilia —The feeling of fur or skin is sensual and erotic.
• Graophilia —Older females are hotties, and The Graduate is probably a favorite movie.
• Gymnophilia —Turned on by nudity. Oh come on, who isn't? Sheesh.
• Gynonudomania —If the thought of ripping clothes off of other people fills you with lust, you are a gynonudomanian. You should probably also invest in several credit cards to replace those quickly dissipating wardrobes. Hirsutophilia —Aroused by armpit hair and, most probably, Berkeley.
• Macrogenitalism —Are you aroused by large genitals? Scandalous!
• Medolalia —This person could hang with a cunnilalist since this person is aroused by talking about everything phallus.
• Miscegenation —When two people of different races get it on, this person wants to get it on.
• Omolagnia —Aroused by nudity? Freak. (Hey, wasn't that Gymnophilia?)
• Phallophilia —This person only wants penises of unusual size, namely gargantuan.
• Pubephilia —Don't ever shave for this person, because pubic hair is where it's at.
• Tripsolagnia —A trip to the hairdresser is heaven, especially getting their hair managed or shampooed.
• Tripsophilia —Sensual massage is the only kind of massage, baby.
  
• Chremastistophilia —This person gets off on the idea of being robbed. Say chremastistophilian three times fast, I dare you.
• Coulrophilia —This person wants a clown to entertain their pants off while playing with that long, red balloon.
• Electrophilia —Electricity is hot. Some say even shocking.
• Eproctophilia —"Beans! Beans! The magical fruit! The more you eat, the more you…" This person is horny whenever farting is involved. An ideal date might begin at Taco Bell, or perhaps with cabbage, beans, and a Farrelly Brothers movie.
• Exhibitionism —This is someone who enjoys surprising others by exposing their naughty bits. I'm thinking an omolagnian would probably get along really well with this person.
• Fisting —This person is aroused by either being the receiver or giver of a hand, fist, or forearm into the rectum or vagina. This also appears to be one of the few fetishes that can be easily pronounced.
• Gerontophilia —This is an attraction to the old and enfeebled. If you're a gerontophiliac, you probably love raisins. Rent Harold and Maude.
• Gynemimetophilia —The thought of someone who was born a man, but now stands corseted, made up better than Tammy Faye, in a dress and belting out "Wind Beneath my Wings," seriously gets this person off. It just has to be female impersonator or a male to female transsexual. Rent, Tootsie, or The Birdcage.
• Harpaxophilia —There should be a dot-com site where chremastistophilians and harpaxophilians can hook up, because harpaxophilians are turned on by burglary.
• Hebephilia —Teenagers make this person randy. Rent Bring It On with Kirsten Dunst.
• Hierophilia —This person gets off on sacred objects such as crosses. I would say rent The Exorcist, but if that movie gets you hot, I need to bump this definition down a category or two.
• Iatronudia —Doctor, doctor! This person loves exposing him or herself to a physician. The health insurance bills must be staggering...
• Kleptophilia —The only difference between this person and someone giving themselves the five-finger discount is that this person gets horny when they steal.
• Lactaphilia —Mammaries full of milk don't make just babies happy...
• Maieusiophilia —Pregnant women make this person hot under the collar. This should be good news to moms-to-be asking "Do I look like a cow or what?"
• Martymachlia —Aroused by having others watch during sex. Get these folks hooked up with a voyeur, pronto.
• Nasophilia —This person gets mentally erect about their partner's nose. Even though this fetish description is somewhat vague, the name is just a scream.
• Nymphomania/Satyriasis —Even though these folks are aroused by the uncontrollable desire of woman/men for sex, I'm envisioning cloven-hoofed flute-players and winged horses prancing merrily in the forest.
• Ochlophilia —If you get turned on by being in a crowd, you need to get a job working security at Ozzfest.
• Oculophilia —It's said that the eyes are the window to the soul. An oculophiliac thinks they are the viagra of the face.
• Oculolinctus —Aroused by licking their partner's eyeball. I don't think I need to add anything here.
• Odaxelagnia —Bite me. No, really, bite me!
• Ozolagnia — "Ooooo, that smell! Can you smell that smell? Oooooooo, that smell!" Outside of bad old Lynyrd Skynyrd references, Ozolagnians are turned on by powerful scents.
• Parthenophilia —These people have a desire to deflower virgins. You know, find a virgin, grab the flowers right out of their hands and trample them for the sheer joy of it. They're just so mean.
• Phygephilia —Turned on by being a fugitive. If you also fantasize about finding the one-armed man, you may be a Richardkimballiac.
• Podophilia —This fairly common fetish finds folks getting hot and bothered about feet. To each his own.
• Retifism —Turned on by shoes. Would this be also known as Imeldaism?
• Spectrophilia —These people get aroused by either coitus with spirits or from images in mirrors. While I can see the mirrors over the bed thing happening, I'm wondering about the spirit thing. Isn't The Enquirer still offering a bazillion dollars for proof? Why aren't these people rich by now? Is the truth really out there?
• Thesauromania —While the name makes me envision someone with an insatiable Rand McNally habit, it really means people who are turned on by collecting women's clothing and stuff.
• Thlipsosis —Ow! Oooooooo. Oh! Mmmmmmmmm. Turned on by pinching.
• Transvestitism —This person has a secret bigger than Victoria's, because they feel absolutely divine cross-dressing.
• Voyeurism —They like to watch. (Sounds like a good book title to me!)