GOING DEEP: TOP SPACE, BOTTOM SPACE & SADOEROTIC ECSTASY

Presented at BR99 by Chris M, Black Rose

Going Deep: Play that deliberately leads to deep, ecstatic, or trancelike states for either the dominant or bottom. (sometimes called Top space or bottom space) States we associate with meditation, prayer, or spiritual awakening.

Disclaimer: Some of the techniques in this presentation challenge accepted conventional wisdom and should be considered edge play and advanced. Mastering the basics is always the proper first step in SM of any kind.

BACKGROUND

Many of us have encountered it in the dungeon, often by accident.
Sudden flashes of insight, feelings of ecstasy, bliss, contentment, comprehension of deep untranslatable truths.
Similar euphoric states are encountered in rituals of various spiritual faiths often those using physical ordeal as a path towards mystical wisdom (the dervishes of mystical Islam, the Sadhus of Hindu, the Sundance of the Plains Indians, tribal scarification rites of Micronesian tribes, ecstatic dancing).
Many tops get less out of a scene than bottoms do, and less than they could.

"NEVER FORGET YOUR PLEASURE" (Bill Tellman's Rule)

Pleasure, however you define it, is why we do this.
A principled and intelligent thirst for pleasure leads to elevated standards of conduct like SSC.
Pleasure is a banquet of many different dishes. (click here to see more)
All pleasure is to be amplified if it is shared with a partner.
Going Deep is really going for a widened, deepened intensity of pleasure, with added focus to connection and sharing with your partner.
Tops who go deep can get as high as the bottoms can..

CHALLENGES TO THE TOP

Top usually has less tactile involvement in a scene than the bottom.
Top doe snot get to sip the chemical cocktail, other bottom is treated to
Dom image and headspace often emphasizes remoteness, distance, and emotional stoicism. (Stoic Dom Syndrome)
- Because of fear/shame of what gets you hot
- Because of ludicrous "true Dom" folk myths that are swallowed whole by some
- Its easier to be a stoic detached observer than it is to be an active exploring participant
- People may think you're an ass
Dom "leather spacesuit" armors the body, closing off tactile sense
Tops with little or no bottoming experience may have a much harder time connecting with the bottom's rush vicariously
Prevalence of SM motherhood warning against emotional/chemical intoxication.
- While inebriation (blurred judgment, hampered motor ability) is a bad thing, (emotional involvement) intoxication is often stigmatized as well
- Harsh social stereotypes of Stoicism vs. hedonism are mimicked in our community.
- Standards in the het/pansex community are much more chaste, even prudish than the gay world.
All combined, these factors lend themselves to the "Service Top" (Service top - Happy bottom = happy top)
Weak play can lead to less play, causing a whole bunch of secondary problems (feelings of being unloved, unattractive, resentment, disappointment)

THE TOP, THE KASEKA, AND THE BOTTOM IN THE BOAT: BASIC STRATEGIES TO GOING DEEP

Greater Intimacy (partners you have played with on a number of occasions)
Going longer (scenes of longer than average duration, over an hour)
Building slower
Emphasizing breathing (deep, slow, meditative, or synchronized breathing of bottom and top)
Gradually growing heavy (heavy play that's been framed by a long slow build up)
Involve sexual excitement
Effective use of ritual (emphasizing the "otherness" of the scene you're engaged in)
Effective use of fantasy (to draw on past or imaginary events both positive and traumatic to add emotional power to your scene)
Concentration: An active and exclusive focus on the scene, a desire and commitment to making a deep connection with your partner.
A correspondingly deep commitment from your partner for connection with you.
Music helps: especially something hypnotic and wordless
An openness to allowing the "inner animal" to come out to play
An openness to improvisation and surprise in the play

In short, attributes of players who have been playing for years and players playing together for years.

STEPS

Personal Preparation
- Familiarity and study of leather culture. Read everything you can find.
- Practice Practice, Practice
- Familiarize yourself with beauty yourself
Negotiate Sparingly
- Identify fire alarms, hotspots to avoid, and fantasies to pursue, but plan for improvisation
Create the "Cone of Silence" Shutting Out Distractions Ritual
- - Candles
- Ritualized address, behavior
- Trancelike music
Brewing the Chemical Cocktail
Induce Submissive Awe
For Tops: Try ABC Athleticism, Breathing, and Connection/Concentration Athleticism:
Getting the whole body actively involved, especially in something that works out muscles and emphasizes rhythm (impact play or flogging is good)
Breathing: Slow and deep, attempt to synchronize with bottom (moaning, panting, and kiai can often help get into head set and feel really good)

Concentration/Connection: An active will to focus on the scene, and make it work. Take the armor off, remove clothing, to feel with more of the body, work up a sweat (and keep the bottom from freezing). Whip myself.
Unleashing the Inner Animal (Baldwin's "beast")
- Emotional projection
- Revisiting fears, traumas, or fantasies
- Make sounds with your voice, moans, cries, kiai
- Emotions - project emotions into scene - rage
- Rhythm is good
- Making her count out sets, backwards better yet, to clear the mind
- Use all senses: Lick, smell, taste, bite, claw
- Watch the face and get off on that. Let your partner see you getting into it. Sweat, heart pounding, ultra awareness, ultra connectedness
- Releasing and feeding the inner animal may be the greatest thing about SM
Develop the Inner DM: cultivate a two level parallel conscious:
1. The fantasy role (Baldwin's inner beast) and
2. The "inner DM"
  - Take time-outs, back away for a moment, let your head clear, evaluate
  - When going deep - use a big soft flogger so you can hit harder
  - Boat Metaphor Part Two
Forget Rainbow Chasing
- Accept and embrace what comes from a scene
Aftercare is More Important than Ever in Deep Scenes

Types of play that lend themselves to going deep: Fisting, Flogging, Foreplay, Bloodspots, Sexual penetration

JOYS WE ENCOUNTER IN SM

For bottoms/submissives SM can be the Joy of:

Pushing one's limits and attaining a sense of accomplishment
Of being helpless at the mercy of someone who wants to turn you on
Of fear and excitement of not knowing what will happen next
Of freedom from guilt and worry, of being able to do this because you're being made to
Of worship, of being in the thrall of a powerful, knowing, loving force
Of physical ordeal, of becoming strong enough to take it
Of pain as pain
Of the chemical cocktail of adrenaline, endorphins, dopamine
Of punishment and penance
Of vicarious enjoyment of your top's power
Of sacrifice, the reward of offering your pain, power, dignity to another

For tops/dominants SM can be the Joy of:

Of craftsmanship, of responsibility
Of training, of helping someone else expand limits, explore, grow
Of exorcising anger, anxiety or pain
Of the vicarious enjoyment of your bottom's experience
Of taking control, of doing what you want, and getting what you want
Of symbolically avenging yourself on those who have wronged you
Of witnessing hardship, helplessness, pain, suffering, in others, thus elevating yourself
Of creating distress, and relieving it, thus exercising mercy
Of correcting and training an errant and helpless pupil, thus exercising judgment
Of sexual power to have someone where you want
Of pushing someone down, thus elevating oneself
Of power, the rush of being in charge
Of vicarious enjoyment of your bottom's pain/punishment/reward

For both SM can be the Joy of:

Of connection; of sharing an experience with another
Of sharing, becoming closer
Of being at the focus of another's attention
Of alchemic transformation; of turning pain into pleasure
Of being able to get what you want
Of service and being useful
Of emotional release
Of taking control of your life, doing what you want/getting what you need
Of love or fusion with your partner
Of scars and blood
Of sacrifice and giving, of putting my partner's pleasure before mine
Of sexual fulfillment
Of spiritual ecstasy
Of transgression, of the freedom of being outside it all
Of sexual excitement or fulfillment
Of body play
Of communication
Of exploration of fetish
Of role-play and identity. Of letting other hidden sides of yourself emerge