Love Is A Deep, Dark, Pit

by Laura Goodwin

Love is one of the great mysteries of life. It is great in every sense of the word, because it is large, a HUGE mystery, and also because it's terrific, a wild ride at the fair. At some amusement parks you can still get a ticket for the "Tunnel of Love" which is *warning* a Dark Ride. What you get is a tame little float on a boat through a dim chamber that gives you a bit of privacy to kiss and pitch woo. Yeah, it's a wet ride, too, but misnamed. Such a ride should be called the Tunnel of Fun. The Tunnel of Love should be a huge, wild, wet, roller-coaster type ride where it's dark unless the flames are shooting at you and half the time you are experiencing G-forces while upside down. You should come out drenched and totally rattled. Those of you who know LOVE know what I'm talking about. Men should faint, and women should scream, and if you aren't at least -this tall- you shouldn't be allowed to ride (Short folk show ID).

In ancient times our Goddess worshipping ancestors had a cool idea for teaching about love and life. They had a thing called a labyrinth, and you had to be -this tall- and ready for the rite of passage (literally!) into adulthood before you could try to walk it.

The labyrinth is not like a maze. A maze is designed to be confusing to anyone, but a labyrinth is confusing only to the uninitiated. A labyrinth has only one path, into the center and out again, and if you have a clue on how to follow it, you can't get lost. It's a matter of life and death that you use the clue, though. The old labyrinths were gigantic, deep, cave things, and you couldn't take a lunch. You had to go in and come out alive, or go in and *never come out*.

If there is only one path, how could you get lost? Well, you see, there was no light down there at all. A hundred yards in and you were in dark blacker than night. You couldn't see your hand or your feet. People get rattled by such darkness, they start to see things; things that aren't there.

Let's imagine that you are a young man of an ancient matriarchy who is in love and wishes to win the right to marry. Let's say you have been told that if you can bring back a trophy of a specific kind, say, the horns of the Minotaur, that you will be granted the right to court, and hopefully win, the charmer of your heart, because now you will be an official man fit for marriage. You agree, and spend the night before your ordeal being yelled at by your friends, who don't want you to try because once you have done this thing you can't play boy games with them anymore, and they need you on the team. Besides, isn't it dangerous? What about all those guys who went in and *never came out*? Who are you doing it for? Her?! But she's ordinary, hardly worth it!

You look to your dad for guidance, knowing he must have succeeded, but he only smiles sadly and wishes you luck.

The morning dawns blindingly bright. You make your way toward the spot. Suddenly, your adored lady appears, and she pulls you aside to whisper in your ear. "Keep to the left, no matter what! Keep in touch with the wall, and follow it!" She looks you earnestly in the eyes, convincing you of the importance of her words, but when you try to question her, she runs away.

You report to the tribal mothers and the Priestess blesses you before the early morning crowd of well-wishers and cat-callers. Some shout encouragement: "Stay calm, boy, be unafraid!" Others, your schoolyard enemies, taunt you: "If you aren't back by tomorrow I'm taking your parking space!" After the ceremony and moments before you begin your descent, you notice your mother suppressing fearful tears, and the respect in the eyes of your best friend.

You begin walking into the cave, and at first the path is wide and well-lit. Quickly, the light fades, the shadows close in, and you stop. It's dark down there. Capital D Dark. Your heart begins to race, as you proceed into the darkness. You hesitate, letting your eyes adjust, but a few steps later there's no adjusting left to do because there's no light at all.

"Goddess help me!" You think, "Can I do this?"

The girl's words come back to you suddenly. "Keep in touch with the wall. Keep to the left!" she said. You understand now what she meant. You feel your way to the left, find the wall and wonder, "Is this the left wall, or am I turned around?" You reason that if it's the right wall, that you'll soon be out of the cave and in the sunlight, so you begin to follow it eagerly, half hoping to soon be blinking in the light. The darkness only deepens, and in a few minutes your heart sinks, because now you know the ordeal has begun in earnest.

You trudge along, quickly losing track of time, and you begin to hallucinate. It's only been five minutes, but it feels like five hours. You feel the turns in the path, and completely lose track of which way is which. The floor is uneven and you stumble more than once. You have never felt more alone and frightened. You even question whether you have kept faithful enough contact with the rough, slimy wall, which is now your only cold comfort. All the things the people shouted at you before you began ring in your ears: "Be unafraid!" "If you don't come back... if you don't come back...!" Everything anyone ever said to you comes forward in your mind, as your brain rummages frantically through its files trying to produce something helpful. Suddenly you remember a weird private joke your mom and dad share: sometimes they look at one another and say "Love is a deep, dark pit!" and laugh a strange laugh. You never got it before, and you don't think it's funny now. Then you think of your girl, the flame of your heart, and her words: "Keep to the left!". Is she worth it? Is she worth it?

Suddenly you hear a sound, faint. Your heart hammers in your chest, and your mouth is dry from panting with dread. A faint, faraway sound. What is it? You listen for a year. You hear your own heart, your own breath, the blood rushing in your ears, but what else? You listen for a year. You cautiously move forward, the better to hear. Suddenly, you sense there is light. You move forward, and yes! There is light! You can see your hand on the wall! You choke back a glad cry, because you think you have failed, that you somehow got turned around and are about to exit the cave. The light grows brighter, but there's no smell of flowers, only lamp oil. The light flickers. You turn a corner and there is a menacing shadow on the wall, something monstrous. You seem to have found the Minotaur.

You are nearly naked and completely unarmed. No one told you the Minotaur was a living beast! You thought there would be a trophy chamber, and you just grab some horns and go! As you watch the huge shadow move, you feel certain that you will now die, and you are angry! Why didn't anybody warn you, prepare you? You think, I could simply turn back, escape, and live to warn others! But then you think of the dozens of men you know of who emerged safe from this cave, horns in hand, who then were richly celebrated and covered with glory. Still angry, and also curious, you burst into the chamber of light.

You see immediately that the Minotaur is nothing but a man wearing an elaborate mask, and you marvel because the chamber is ornate and breathtakingly beautiful, and the Minotaur's robes are richly, wonderfully made. He nods to greet you. You try saying hello, asking questions, but he will not speak. You inform him that you have come for the horns and ask for them politely. He doesn't understand, grunts and turns away, seems in a bad mood. Well, you didn't come all this way for nothing! You reach for the horns, he rebuffs you. You strive to take them and he strives to prevent you. Finally, you attack, a roar rising in your throat. It is now a full pitched battle, and if necessary, you fight dirty, because DAMN IT, YOU HAVE GOT TO GET THOSE HORNS!

There is something familiar about the Minotaur/priest, and you soon find out why. When you pull his mask away, all fighting stops and you get a good look at him. It's your dad.

"Dad!" you exclaim.
"Yes son," he smiles, panting. "Looks like you got the better of me!"

He explains everything to you now, giving you food and drink to strengthen you for your ascent. "You see, son, if that girl of yours hadn't given you a clue, you could have died down here!"
"Does that mean she loves me?" You wonder.
"Not necessarily..." Says your dad, "But she obviously wants you to live. Any virgin of this town could have given you the clue. I think it's a good sign that she was the one!"

You then would take the horns and feel your way out of the cave, keeping to the right this time (your father explained: right=light). The ascent would still be difficult, but more bearable. You would feel your way toward the exit and sunlight. At last you would step, blinking, out of the cave, and shouts would go up that you were alive and victorious. People would come running, virgin priestesses would strip you, drench you with water, dress you in a new white tunic, anoint you with fragrant oils and crown you with laurels. You'd be brought to the High Priestess, who would accept the horns from you, and pronounce you a man before all. Men of the town would grab you and bear you away to a night of manly celebrations, pushing your boyhood pals out of the way.

And don't worry about your Dad. He has the torch, just as you'll have it someday.

This essay and all site contents Copyright L. Goodwin 1990 -2001