The Views From The Dragon's Lair: Dealing With Running

By Dragon~Lord aka Dennis © 2003

I see you running' -
Don’t know what you're running' from.
Nobody's coming' -
What’d you do that was so wrong?
Look back and turn back
Look at yourself.
Don't be afraid just look at yourself.
If you need assistance -
Or if all you need is love,
There’s no point in hiding -
Tell me what you’re frightened of.
You've got a friend just look at yourself.
Don't be afraid just look at yourself.
Look back and turn back -
Look at yourself.
Don't be afraid just look at yourself.

-Uriah Heep "Look at Yourself"

As I walk along,
I wonder what went wrong,
With our love, a love that was so strong.
And as I still walk on,
I think of the things we've done
Together, a-while our hearts were young.

I'm a-walkin' in the rain,
Tears are fallin' and I feel the pain,
Wishin' you were here by me,
To end this misery
And I wonder--
I wah-wah-wah-wah-wonder,
Why,
Why, why, why, why, why she ran away,
Yes, and I wonder,
A-where she will stay-ay,
My little runaway,
Run, run, run, run, runaway.

I'm a-walkin' in the rain,
Tears are fallin' and I feel the pain,
Wishin' you were here by me,
To end this misery
And I wonder--
I wah-wah-wah-wah-wonder, Why,
Why, why, why, why, why she ran away,
Yes, and I wonder,
A-where she will stay-ay,
My little runaway,
Run, run, run, run, runaway.
Run, run, run, run, runaway.
Run, run, run, run, runaway.

-Del Shannon "Runaway"

Do you ever notice how many people are running everyday? Running here and there, running to their jobs, running to their homes, running to make money, running from debt, running from so many things: pain, love, commitment, the past, the future. Sometimes I wonder if they really know what they are running from. In this life from a Dominant or Master’s perspective we see a lot of this running, we encounter it constantly. Not everybody is running though, just quite a few. You have submissives running to find their Master, sometimes running from their last. You find bottoms running from their realities and into the arms of pain. Cutters cut to empower themselves with their own pain. Sometimes they run too fast, faster than time allows and in their haste to reach their goal, they sometimes lose sight of the reasons and their dreams come crashing down around them. It is not just submissives though, and its certainly not just women. Men do the same trying too hard giving the wrong impressions and like crash test dummies of the heart, they run headlong into a wall.

Some Dominants and Masters have an ideal plan for their life and for those within their group. (I.e. poly) They know they are poly, they want poly, and by golly in their world they will have poly. (Sound of a game show buzzer). They just do not know how to do poly. Well that is easy to fix. I am the Top Dog; therefore mine will follow my direction and poly they shall be. (BUZZZ). Well mine say they want to be poly, because they want to follow my directions. They want to please me, they submit to my will (BUZZZ BUZZZ). Damn it, will the little submissive called reality in the corner, stop pushing the damn buzzer! Poly means many, at least more than two. No where in poly-amorous does it say; all according to one. In some rare cases a Dominant may find a multiple relationship that does work, first shot, no redos. Tap Tap no erases can’t take it back. But that is the exception, not the norm. It has to deal with many people (i.e. all those involved) and many dynamics of different personalities. But the subject of poly is for another article, right now I want to talk about the dynamics on one specific aspect and that is the syndrome of running. The type of running we find in poly-amorous relationships, are like in most running, and are the fear of being hurt again. (I.e. past pain) Some people will try poly relationships once, if fails, they will never try again. Is it because they were not committed? Is it because they never really wanted poly? Or is it because they can not believe that it is can be a reality, not just a fantasy? Maybe, but most likely they are just avoiding the pain. Funny how someone who is into this life would avoid pain, but that is what occurs. That is why they run.

Another type of running is pushing away. In a new relationship the submissive, for lack of better term, will begin to act up to push against the fences... to see if they are real. Maybe they came from an abusive relationship, and you have stated you would never hit them in anger. So they are going to push your buttons, and like voting in Florida, early and often. They want to see if you will reach that point where you will snap. Not that they want you to, they want you to be true to your word. But they have been hurt so much that they can’t believe until they see and experience first hand they truth in your words. So they will push, they’ll prod, and they will test the waters; they are not doing that to be mean to you. And they are not doing it because they do not like you. And the hardest thing for even me to figure out was that they are not doing it because you are the same person that had hurt them before. They are doing it because they want to prove to themselves that you are NOT that same person. Makes it a bit difficult on this end to deal with, pushing away is another type of running from.

Another type of running that was even harder for me to understand was the running from their goals. Once they realized that you were not the other person, that you were true to your word, then they became scared of the commitment that will incur their desires coming true. Running from the fear of success, we see it in the mundane world as well. Oh my God I am going to get what I want, i.e. they don’t deserve it, or can’t handle it. The fear of success is a difficult one to grasp, let alone deal with. But deal with it, it must be. There are so many different reasons that people run: i.e. the fear of not being needed, the fear of disappointing, the fear of having disappointed, and the fear of rejection, of acceptance, of success and of failure. The bottom line is most running is due to fear, but not all. Sometimes there is the running of extreme desire, impatience, can’t wait to slap the collar on and finally serve, to express the desires and needs of a lifetime. Eating up anything and everything of this life with a voracious appetite, so that they Dominant or Master may feel like the preverbal Jonas swallowed by the whale.

Eagerness to an extreme degree is another form of running. Not running away from the life, but running away from the absence of that life. "Once you have been twisted-you can’t straighten out, and you don’t wanna." Childhood desires, dreams in the dark, tied and restrained, beaten and passions enflamed, graveling and serving may enflame the heart and engulf the mind and burn with a solar brilliance, but if those who are around you have no concept or desire for the life that you wish to have you are but a bird in a guilded cage. No matter what you receive, in the way of material things, or even the gentleness of a hug, it lacks the intense passion that you crave. So once you see it, get a small taste of it, you do not test the waters anymore, you plunge off the cliffs of Acapulco into the raging surf below and the rocks be damned. But this is inheritantly dangerous on many different degrees and levels. And what seems like a rushing towards is still a running from.

My advice to the Dominants and Masters, every action has a reason. Every reason has a trip or trigger. Look for it and remember that you have your own trips and triggers. Everybody,...and I mean everybody, has a new pair of Nikes sitting in the back of their brain just waiting on a test run. Make them a promise that you will be there. That you are open for questions and comfort. Make a time-out signal where they can approach you without the fear of retaliation or stepping on protocol. Have them promise that instead of running away they will come to you to talk or clarify, or just to be comforted. Agree on safe harbor, a safe place, a place where they can collect their thoughts and their emotions without the concern about being directed, controlled, or made to; until the dynamic of Master/slave becomes more concrete. A Master is like a father, and a Master is like a shepherd, always on the look out for the well being of their charges. As always this is just my advice take what you like, leave what you don’t. I could probably go on far longer on this subject, and the many side subjects that can occur. If you have questions please feel free to email them to me. If you have suggestions of topics or concerns that you would like me to ramble on about, send them as well. Your email is a safe haven, so feel free to express openly.

Be well and adieu.
Dennis
Through change,
A realizing person knows the subtle and the obvious,
The supple and the strong.
So act with the change and be a model of the myriad people.
-Ta Chuan The Great Treatise