Behind Closed Doors

By Miss Kay from Panama City PEP.

She can be reached at MzDecadent@aol.com

We each enter relationships with past baggage, preconceived notions, and expectations of our partners. Regardless of the type of relationship; alternative or conservative, gay or straight, we each have our own ideas and our own interpretations, our own definitions, and those who are outside the relationships rarely get a glimpse of what truly goes on behind closed doors.

I'm going to burst a few bubbles here to give an example - and apologize to my crew for letting a few cats out of their respective bags. Many out there look at my crew and think I have these five wonderful people jumping to fulfill my least little whim. That I never need lift a finger, that my every desire is immediately accomplished - sexual, physical, emotional. The ideal life for a dominant.

The reality is, I mop my own floors three times a day, sometimes more - its compulsive I know, but the idea that the floor may be dirty irritates the hell out of me. I do laundry every day - several loads in fact. I plant my own flowers, weed my own gardens, do my own shopping, pay my own bills, recently the neighbor kids kicked three of the privacy fence slats down to make a shortcut to the clubhouse - I went and bought new slats and put them up myself. Sometimes I admit I get so focused on responsibility that I forget to have fun. Forget how to relax. I do all these things and more, not because my crew wont, but because they are things I need to do. Often I leave them frustrated that they can't do more for me - their fantasy is to always serve, the reality is that I'm totally capable of doing for myself and usually do, without ever stopping to think about letting them do it for me.

The fantasy of having a stable of subs rushing to fill my every need before I can even voice that need is lovely - the reality is that more often than not, I'm putting my own needs aside to see to the needs of the family. I spend more time playing with our kids than I do sceneing my partners. I spend more time guiding and counseling the crew than I do with their flesh under my hands.

For a sub whose focus is sexual servitude, my household would not be fulfilling. Sex is very low on my list of priorities. A person who only submits during a scene would find his/her acts of submission few and far between - I lead a very busy life outside the dungeon and except for working out - often go weeks without using that room at all.

I am not greeted when I arrive home from work by a naked sub kneeling at the door - instead, I'm usually bombarded by a houseful of kids telling me what they did all day (a.k.a. tattling on each other), I clean up, and have dinner started before Pet ever gets home.

I'm a sadist, but I cant even recall when last I left bruises or drew blood on one of my partners - their needs have been different recently, so the focus has been on them.

The point to this long ramble is, we can never be sure what goes on behind closed doors - we hear one side of a story, and it tells us the relationship was abusive. If we were to hear the other side of the story - I'm betting it would be that of a dominant struggling to gain control over a partner who admits to being off needed medication and very possibly emotionally out of control, who had become disruptive to the entire household. Neither side is right, what they perceived to be happening was for them happening at that time. Differing definitions, differing expectations, differing points of view.

But because we were not behind those closed doors, we cannot judge. No tribunal, no body of peers, no one outside that specific relationship will ever know what truly went on. Its the same in every relationship.

I want each of you to stop and think about the persona that others see when they look at you - stop and contemplate what they may think they see your relationship as - then compare these to the truth as you know it, and the truth as your partner sees it. You may just be amazed - and in future, I ask that you remember this little exercise before passing judgment on another.

Miss Kay
~We sense that life is a dark comedy and maybe we can live with that. However, because the whole thing was written for the amusement of the gods, too many of the jokes go right over our heads. D.K.~