To spank, or not to spank?

By Desiree Erotique

To spank, or not to spank? This isn't just a question for those among the vanilla crowd who make their life choices based on what Dr. Phil says.

For the Dom, hesitant to discipline a sub who has shown that corporal punishment is usually a turn on, the question may arise when misbehavior requires correction. Some feel that corporal punishment -or CP- is not appropriate as it may only reinforce unacceptable behavior. However, it is my experience as a sub that this is usually not the case at all.

While CP can be a turn on, when a sub is in a "bad mood", there is often nothing we want less than to face corporal punishment, and certainly not the discipline usually reserved as foreplay. Even as we can be turned on by physical discipline, pride and stubbornness has the power to temporarily neuter our natural penchants. The sub dedicated to his or her dominant and their consensual relationship, will, of course, accept the dom's choice of discipline. But, when caught acting up, it is often the most humbling chastisement a sub can receive to find himself or herself facing the consequence of real-life CP. Likewise, a sub in a bad mood might well take a temporary sense of victory by seeing the dom reluctant use CP as actual discipline. And this fleeting triumph can only serve to bring undermining regret later on for both partners.

I'm a submissive woman, but I can also be very hot-tempered. The last thing I crave when I'm like this is to be ordered to bend over for Master's paddle. Take for example the incident of my cussing over the "dirty socks". My Master forbids me using curse words, but in this case my temper got the best of my decorum. When Master heard me he acted at once. My temper told me: I've just dug up a second pair of your dirty socks from under the bed and you expect me to bend over this chair? Get bent yourself!

As I gave Master certain rights when we got together, I was obligated to bend over that chair, and so I did. I misbehaved by uttering something I wasn't supposed to, and I deserved the paddling. That didn't make it a very sexy situation, though, when my mind was still raging over the socks.

After the chastisement, when my bottom was throbbing and Master gave me that look while I knelt at his feet, then yes, I started to soften and feel sexy. Yet, my pride had been brought down several notches. Worse, I understood that it was my own bad behavior that had got me into trouble. And with the real corporal punishment over, Master took satisfaction in keeping me hot and bothered. There's a lot to be said for a woman turned on without hope of gratification any time in the near future. Now that is sublime punishment. I'll think a very quick twice before uttering that nasty word again. Yet, I knew he loved me to have disciplined me, and honestly, my respect would have been compromised if he hadn't used CP.

Not that the desired effects of CP can't be enhanced by additional penalties. Repeat offenses often demand additional penalties, especially in cases where the disobedient sub has too quickly forgotten the humbling flogging or paddling. In cases such as these the ideal scenario, I feel, is for the CP to be administered first, with the additional penalty decided upon immediately afterward by the dom. Examples of suitable additional penalties might include these: against Master's warning, a sub has continued to make lengthy long-distance call to gab with friends. The taking away of all phone privileges for a month except for emergency calls is appropriate. Another scenario might involve a sub who has neglected cleaning the bathroom for way too long. A deserving penalty would be for the dominant to order the submissive to not only clean the bathroom that very day, but to clean the toilet every day for the next week.

Once the penalty has been concluded, a last stroke of the paddle or other instrument of CP can still be appropriately applied. Given as a resounding last word on the matter, so to speak.

There are, of course, dominants who refuse to use real-life CP altogether when they know their sub takes pleasure in it otherwise. If a dom is afraid of incorporating CP in real situations –worried that the sub might cry abuse!- then the relationship demands reevaluation. Trust is vital in any relationship. If a partner claims they'll submit to your physical discipline via agreed upon methods, then the partner proves fickle when it is dispensed, then there is something seriously wrong. Someone wasn't being upfront in the first place. And the dom must carefully consider if such an artificial relationship is even worth hanging onto.

On the other hand, reevaluation is also called for when a sub has entered a relationship expecting strict CP consequences for breeches of conduct but finds the dom timid when the need arises. Submissives expect the dominants to be confident. Cowardice or over-blown egos are not ingredients in a healthy relationship. Thus, even if cowardice isn't your dominant's problem, if they seem more interested in winning a battle of wills than asserting the firm hand promised at the pledging of the relationship, then the relationship is again, artificial. At this point, the sub is entitled to question the dom's motives. Trust has to be mutual; a sub who feels like her dom only wants her subservience just to flaunt his "alpha-male charisma" will sooner or later resent it. Doms like these aren't interested in a mutually satisfying relationship, or care enough about their sub to correct unwanted behavior. They only want their ego nursed.

In conclusion, I feel that CP applied in real-life can only benefit the couple for whom agreed upon it's inclusion as part of the reciprocal psyche. It isn't appropriate for every Dom/sub relationship. But it can be a very real and satisfying component for those who are honest with themselves and their partner; and one that challenges, rightfully, the misconceptions of the unenlightened.