Your Kink Is OK

Introduction

There are a huge number of kinks that fall within the bounds of BDSM. Not all of them are to our personal tastes and some may even disgust us. Does that make them wrong? In a world where we seek acceptance for our own kinks, is it reasonable not to accept those of others?

What Makes Something Wrong?

The first issue to address is the difference between something that is wrong and something that is distasteful.

The problem with the scene is that we find ourselves participating in things that many people - even the majority of people - tell us are wrong. Yet we find they are very right for us. The general consensus, once again, comes down to Safe, Sane and Consensual. If you can justify, under all three categories, to someone with an open mind, your kink, then it is considered reasonable. By that rule of thumb, the only acts we can reasonably consider "wrong" are those, which are not safe, or are not sane or are not consensual.

There are many acts that are considered distasteful, even by those who profess to a great many other kinks. Taking a look at the Average Answers page from the BDSM Checklist, scat play (play involving feces) and needle play (play involving needles) are two of the most unpopular kinks. This is hardly surprising as we are taught, from childhood, to revile feces and bad experiences with dentists ensure a common phobia of needles.

For all these kinks are distasteful to many, that distasteful, or humiliating, or fearful aspect can make them extremely arousing to others. If two people consent to play safely and sanely, just because it is distasteful to many, does that make it wrong?

If you are still clinging to your prejudices, consider your own kinks - I can pretty much guarantee that however reasonable those kinks may be, someone will find them distasteful. Does that make you wrong, or simply different to them?

Next time you are about to tell someone their kink is wrong, try stopping and considering whether it is truly wrong (not Safe, Sane and Consensual) or if it is simply distasteful to you.

Supporting Others

Pastor Martin Neimoeller said: "In Germany, they came first for the Communists, but I did not speak because I was not a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, but I did not speak up, for I was not a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak up, for I was not a trade unionist. Then they came for the Roman Catholics, and I did not speak up, for I was a Protestant. And then they came for me, and by that time, no one was left to speak up."

As separate, squabbling groups, defending ourselves from misconceptions and prejudices is all but impossible. Yet the issues we face are, by and large, exactly the same. By accepting that we are one group, with one set of issues, we stand a far greater chance of being accepted by others.

When the time comes that someone attacks your own kink, would you rather every other kinky person stood back because they found your specific kink distasteful? Or would you rather they supported you because, for all they may not like it, it is still your right to enjoy it? Assuming that you would prefer that support, do you have any right to expect it if you will not offer the same support to them?

Conclusion

There are, almost certainly, going to be some kinks we find distasteful. So long as they remain Safe, Sane and Consensual though, they are not wrong. While it is reasonable to find them distasteful and even to ask others not to force you to witness/participate in them non-consensually, it is not reasonable to attempt to tell them that they are wrong.

In a community that faces more than enough prejudice from without, acting on prejudice rather than reason from within cannot be acceptable.

SoulThief