The Language of BDSM D/s M/s

Most Dominants will specify the way in which their submissives will address them, such as "Sir", "M'Lord" or "Master". Honorifics can be as complex as the Dominant wishes, and many times are structured in complex ways to test the submissive and keep her on her toes. The use of honorifics keeps the submissive in the frame of mind of submission during the period of time the Dominant and the submissive are together, be that an evening or afternoon of a scene, a longer weekend get together, or a permanent relationship. The use of honorifics is a reminder cue to the submissive of their station in the relationship and the station of the Dominant in relevance to themselves.

They may or may not include a name or a scene name. Some Dominants prefer that the submissive use no first person singular pronouns ("i" or "me") or any first person singular possessive forms ("my" or "mine"). It is believed that this manner of speaking and writing keeps the submissive constantly aware of her place and encourages the mindset that the Dominant desires. The use of this type of language is totally at the discretion of the Dominant, personally i do not know many that use this type of language structure in their relationship. the disuse of personal words makes the submissive feel less a person and more slave like in nature, more a possession of the Dominant with no self involved.

Another common practice is for the submissive to never answer in a negative form. An affirmative answer might be "If it pleases you Sir" while a negative answer might be "Only if it pleases you Sir." This form of reply makes the submissives preferences clear to the Dominant, while leaving the decision completely in his hands. A Dominant's statement might be responded to with a neutral "As You say Sir". The submissive learns, at times, that they are at the discretion of the Dominant, and some Dominants want the submissive to think and feel that all of their actions are for the pleasure of the Dominant. it can be a difficult to get into this way of thinking, it takes a very conscious effort on the part of the submissive to speak in this manner, and a conscious effort on the part of the Dominant to enforce this type of speech.

The term "voice trained" is often used to describe a submissive who has been trained to speak only when spoken to and to not betray her preferences in her answers, except perhaps in the way just described. a well trained submissive speaks in the manner which the Dominant prefers, all relationships are different, and therefore may or may not incorporate any of these mannerisms in the relationship. i feel that those that are practicing a more "Gor" type of D/s relationship would use more specific language structure in the relationship.

often it is customary if a submissive has a question to ask "May i ask a question Sir?" allowing the Dominant to respond if the question may be asked now or at a later time when it is more to the liking of the Dominant.

some submissives are required to ask permission to do tasks outside the request/demand/order of the Dominant at a particular moment, this may include but not be limited to such things as using the restroom, asking to leave the room for a particular reason which is specified, or to tend to household chores (other chores) as necessary when in the presence of the Dominant. many Dominants prefer that the submissive be present in the room that they occupy at all times, dressed in a particular fashion.

language can be very complex making the submissive think before speaking at any particular moment, and at the other end of the spectrum the language may be very lax... it depends on the dynamics of the relationship and the desires of the Dominant... which may change over time as the Dominant sees fit.

again, communication is the key to a good relationship, the only way a submissive will know what is expected is if the Dominant relates Their desires to the structure of language and how it is to be used... the submissive should be expected to ask questions to clarify a method if there is any uncertainty in their mind.

BDSM, D/s, M/s relationships can be very complex, often the non-BDSM folks simply do not understand how language strengthens the submissive spirit and gives the submissive a freedom. language is another type of bondage that the Dominant keeps them in... another reminder of their submission...

kat
slave wife of Master Steve