Master and slaves: Working Relationships

by Master Ron K.

The Leather Journal
Issue 63

One of the things that I often wonder about is how hard I work to insure that the relationship I have with my slaves is healthy, vibrant, and fulfilling. I do this not just for me, but also for my slaves. It is a lot of work to make sure that my slaves needs are being met and that my slaves are functioning healthily in their lives. But being a Master, I see it as one of my needs to do just that, and it is this need that often is at the crux of a very interesting and beautiful dichotomy. The dichotomy is that there are times when I must put the needs of my slaves ahead of the wants, desires, and, sometimes, needs that I have. I know it's not often that you'll hear a Master say that they put the needs of their slaves ahead of their own, but as I said, it is an interesting and beautiful dichotomy that is also confusing as hell sometimes. I hope that by writing this month on the working part of the Master/slave relationship, I will be able to help some of you to discover in yourselves the value that comes to the relationship when you're willing to work for it.

I'm going to start by outlining a few of the most common things I hear being described as being part of a Master/slave relationship and telling You how I feel about them. Some of them you're not going to be surprised by if you've been following my articles. A few may surprise you even if you have. As you read my comments, please remember that I am sharing with you my opinions and feelings about the Master/slave lifestyle; you have to think about the issues and form your own opinions for yourself. If I get you to think about your opinions, then I have accomplished everything I have intended.

Common Misperceptions and Misrepresentations
"Slaves must completely give up their own personality, desires, and needs in favor of the personality, desires, and needs of their Master." Bullshit!!! The only Masters I can think of who would truly expect this to happen are those who are not Secure enough with themselves to deal with a human being who is strong and capable in their own right, and who is so self-centered as to think that they can ignore their responsibility for their slaves' well-being. I have seen this too often in my travels. I find this kind of behavior and these types of expectations distasteful in the extreme. This is, by my analysis, one of the worst ways to develop a lasting relationship with a slave, especially if you also expect to have any pride in your property. In the above statement, the slaves are being stripped of something that is integral to who they are and are expected to substitute something that is foreign to them. This is about as intelligent as expecting a man to assume the personality of a woman, or a women the personality of a man. This is asking a person who is submissive in nature to assume the personality of a person who is dominant in nature. I have to question the real goal; do you want them to be submissive (the natural part of their personality) or dominant (the natural part of your personality)? If slaves truly assumed the role according to the above statement, they would become clones of their Masters and I seriously doubt that most Masters really want that.

I expect my slaves to be strong and capable in their own right. I also expect my slaves to submit themselves, and all of their strength, capability, and independence to my will. There is a huge difference in this. I am not asking them, or forcing them, to give up that which attracted me to them in the first place. I am asking them to add to the behaviors that they already possess, behaviors that are carefully thought out and designed to bring me pleasure and comfort. I expect my slaves to make a conscious decision that they are going to use all of their skills and abilities to find ways to make my life easier, more pleasant, and more relaxed. I also expect my slaves to be very, very clear on the fact that they have made a choice and that they would be untrue to themselves if they did not reach for the goal of pleasing and obeying me in all that they do. This is something I take great pains to discuss with them prior to their making that choice.

"Masters must be strong, confident, and decisive." They must never admit that they make mistakes, or show weakness or indecision Well crap! I guess I just don't qualify, because I sure as hell make mistakes, I'm not always strong, and I can be indecisive. If I tried to live by the standard that people who think the above is the only right way, or even the correct way, I'd be crazier than I already am. Do I know what I want out of life and out of my relationships with my slaves? Absolutely, and every bit of it revolves around my humanity and theirs. Those who preach the "Stainless Steel Master" approach should be looked at in the light of standard that they are espousing. I seriously doubt that any of them can endure the kind of harsh examination that would ensue.

My personal preference, and the one that I recommend to people when I am asked, is the approach of remembering first that you are a human being, then understanding and accepting that you have come to believe that being a Master will bring you the greatest pleasure in life, and then that you are a human being. I think I know myself fairly well and I know that I can be strong, confident, and decisive. I can also be arrogant, selfish, and self-centered, and altogether just a bit too narcissistic for my own good. I can also be tender, insecure, and indecisive on occasion. In other words, I am human, and it is the human that my slaves serve, not some "Stainless Steel" god who can do no wrong. By staying in touch with my own humanity, I am better able to understand the impact that my desires have on my slaves, and I am more well equipped to help them deal with those impacts in ways that make their submission to my will more pleasant.

How It Works, Is Work
Master/slave relationships require work from both the Master and the slave in the relationship. It is a relationship based in communication, dedication, trust, and power. It is a relationship based in the clear and unequivocal desires of two people, the Master's desire to own and control a human being, and the slave's desire to be owned by and controlled by a human being. All in all, a Master/slave relationship is one of continuing consent to the voluntary servitude of one human being to another by both parties to the relationship.

I believe that communication requires considerable dedication, trust, and personal power to be accomplished on my meaningful level. It is extremely easy to only communicate positive information. How hard is it to say, "I love you.") Not very. It is much harder to say, "I'm angry with you," and it is even harder to add, "because I don't like it when you do (x. y, z)." And it seems to be damned near impossible to say, "When You do X I feel Y," with any regularity at all. And yet it is this last statement form ? "When you do X, I feel Y" ? that provides the most information to your partner. Believe me, when my slaves describes something to me using this form, I listen to the information that is being conveyed. It is information that clearly demonstrates to me the cause and effect of an action and allows me to exercise my right as Master in deciding how I want to deal with the information being shared without feeling like my slaves are attempting to emotionally manipulate me. Trust me, when I use this style of communication toward my slaves, I get their 100 percent absolute attention.

I believe that the dedication that a Master and slave bring to their relationship is evidenced by their willingness to communicate, the trust and the exercise of their personal power in deepening their relationship. Dedication means, to me, a willingness to work hard to resolve the issues that come to the fore in the normal course of living. As a Master, I feel that I must always review my actions and motives in the relationship with an eye that looks to fairness and love. I also expect my slaves to review their actions with an eye toward insuring that they are not taking my dedication to fairness and love for granted, but rather view it as a gift that is being given to them as a demonstration of my respect for their humanity, and the gift of their submission to my will. I know that fairness is not usually mentioned in the same context as a Master's will, but it is a poor Master who does not recognize that the fairness they exhibit in their dealings with their slaves has a direct impact on the slaves' willingness to obey.

I believe that trust is as fragile as a spider's web heavily laden with morning dew. One strong wisp of wind, one poorly placed strand or the accumulation of too much dew in the wrong place can damage that delicate web. The spider is dedicated to keeping its web well maintained, so it works diligently in that regard. For a Master and slave relationship to work, the partners in the relationship must be just as diligent in the creation and maintenance of the trust they have for each other. The tools for building and maintaining that trust are communication, dedication, and personal power. By properly applying these tools, a Master and slave can learn to trust each other on instinctual levels. It is trust on the instinctual level that makes it possible for the Masters to ask their slaves for the difficult things and for the slaves to comply with the Masters' requirements in all things. It is extremely important for Masters to recognize those things that cause slaves difficulty and to insure that the slaves trust them to help them develop the personal power required to accomplish the requested behavior. If you want your slaves to behave in a particular manner, you must have earned their trust before you make that request, and you must help them learn the behavior being requested. Having the patience, yes, I said the patience, to do this, coupled with good communication and dedication, the delicate application of your personal power will almost always guarantee that your slaves will be successful.

Again, trust is a very delicate thing. It is impossible to live in the real world and not have the trust between two humans tested. This is even more true when you are engaged in any emotional relationship with another human. If you have diligently applied your resources to lovingly building the trust between you and your partner, your trust will survive the unavoidable challenges that it faces. Both the Master and the slave must accept, from the very beginning, that the trust they are developing for each other will be tested and damage will occur. But having accepted this, agreeing to work diligently to understand how that damage occurred, and to work to avoid repeating that damage when it occurs makes the very foundation of that trust solid. I cannot say it enough, both the Master and the slave must be completely dedicated to maintaining and repairing the trust between them. Nothing short of that will allow the relationship to be lasting and flexible. It is human nature, and we must pay attention to human nature if we wish to engage in human relationships.

I believe that the power evidenced in a Master/slave relationship comes from two sources, the two humans in the relationship. How much power is present in the relationship is directly evidenced in the levels of communication, dedication, and trust that the two partners exercise while they are relating to each other. How this power is utilized is dependent on the desires of the Master. In my opinion, wise Masters never use all the power available to them, but instead they utilize the available power sparingly and are constantly seeking ways to increase the power available for their use. If Masters want to do something that requires nearly all of the currently available power, it is my belief that they need to exercise patience, develop the power level to a higher point, and then do what they want. I believe wise Masters are always conscious of the need to maintain a margin of safety for their slaves, and avoid setting up situations that allow a slave to fail. By doing this alone, as a slave's confidence grows, so does the power contributed to the relationship, which allows the Masters to use more of that power in achieving their goals.

Slaves must also dedicate themselves to finding ways to increase the power that they have internally and then turn that power over to their Master for their Master's pleasure. In my opinion, one of the greatest ways slaves can serve their Master is to recognize their Master's commitment to their well-being and growth by being an active participant in their growth. I expect my slaves to work actively to remove any impediment in their ability to serve me with their entire being. I do everything I can to enable them in this task, and I give my slaves my continuing full attention to their wants, desires, and needs in our relationship to help relieve them of anything that might interfere with them achieving that goal.

Summary
Being a Master or a slave requires that both partners in the relationship must actively work on themselves and find ways to help their partners. I include the following in my Master/slave contracts. As you may see when you read it, I assume that both partners to the agreement are willing to work and work very hard to excel in the relationship. I hope you find it and the concepts that it conveys of use to you as you develop your "Safe, Sane and Consensual" relationships.

I. Master's Responsibilities
As your Master, my prime responsibility is to do everything within my power to afford you every opportunity to develop and grow as my slave. Now that I have found you, it would be nothing less than immoral if I did not help you to maximize your exceptional potential. you are not only my slave, you are my friend, my lover, my trusted companion, and a wondrous human. As your Master, I am responsible for freeing you from your limitations and requiring you to excel in every part of your life. To that end, my responsibilities for you are as limitless as your obligation to me.

My general responsibilities are:

• For maintaining and protecting the trust that you have bestowed upon me with your submission and for holding that "trust" as the sacred foundation of our relationship.
• For your protecting physical and emotional safety. Be assured that I will not deliberately cause you permanent irreparable damage.
• For your guidance and direction.
• For establishing and maintaining the lines of communication necessary to insure your growth and the growth of this relationship.
• For providing for your needs and caring for you within the context of our Master/slave relationship.
• For training you, as my property, so that you might achieve your true potential as my slave.
• For demonstrating as much creativity in approaching the task of meeting your ever-changing needs as I shall require that you demonstrate in meeting mine.
• For insuring that you are always treated in a manner that is consistent with your role as my valued property and as a valuable human.

II. My Slave's Responsibilities
As my slave, you are obligated to have a clear understanding of the terms and conditions of your submission. You must be certain that you understand what is expected of you and what limitations are placed upon you. It is impossible for you to successfully submit if you fail to understand the terms and conditions of that submission. You have willingly entered this relationship with me as your Master, armed with the luxury of informed choice. You have surrendered your freedom to me and agreed to all domination and control. As long as you choose to remain in this relationship, you are expected to honor and obey me.

As my slave, you are obligated to and responsible for insuring that you do nothing to endanger or threaten your health and well-being, that of your Master, or your Master's household. A list of obligations designed to accomplish that goal includes, but is obviously not limited to:

• Protecting and preserving my property, yourself, from any risk of harm, including from me, should I be behaving in a manner you believe is unsafe.
• For maintaining and protecting the trust that I have bestowed upon you by accepting your submission and for holding that "trust" as the sacred foundation of our relationship.
• For communicating your needs to me, clearly and unequivocally.
• Notifying me of any changes in your physical health or well-being.
• Sharing with me any significant changes in your personal attitude or mental health. YOU must understand, however, that Master is not a psychotherapist. You are responsible for insuring that you maintain your mental health at all times. If you need counseling, Master expects you to seek it out and supports you in doing so.
• Maintaining your weight and physical fitness in accordance with good health and my wishes.
• Knowing that you may talk to me about anything, at any time. But in this, you are expected to exercise judgment and self-control by planning to bring new issues forward at times that are considerate of Master's needs.
• Exercising care and sound judgment in all things, remembering that in all things, Your conduct reflects directly upon me, as your Master

For you to better understand your responsibilities as my slave, you should understand that your primary function as a slave is to serve and please me! A slave's success or failure in this regard is measured not only in terms of how well they accomplish this, but The Manner in which they accomplish it. If it is true that slave's primary function is to please and serve their Master, then it must follow that their secondary function is to be both desirable and pleasing as you serve your Master! This includes being consciously concerned with Master's pleasure and well being, solicitous of Master's needs and of the various means in which you might be more pleasing to me. In so doing, you contribute to the balance of loving harmony within the relationship and this allows Master to freely respond to your needs with enthusiasm and passion. You cannot succeed in your primary function if you should fail in your secondary function. When interacting with Master, you are expected to be constantly aware that you have sworn yourself to fulfilling my desires. Master is a very generous man, but to be generous to his slave, Master requires that his slave give him their all, without expecting anything beyond the pleasure of serving him in return.