Intelligent article on Dominant/submissive relationships the kinds of Dominants you want to watch out for.

With great power...

By
Sir Magic

I am Sir Magic and I am an alpha male, a DOMINANT. Those like myself, dominate because it is natural for us to do so. I am born to it, as an eagle is born to fly. This is not so much self grandiloquence as it is truth. When a natural Dominant walks into a room, they can own it. Ninety-five percent of the women who have submitted to me claim it was my presence which caught their attention. Natural Dominants project power. Often in our presence people want to follow, to be lead. Usually in group situations, I find males and females automatically deferring to me; asking what they should do. You might think as a dominate, I would be in heaven. A born alpha male with everyone at thy feet. Well in truth, it's a pain in the ass. Just because I'm a Dominant doesn't mean I want the responsibility which comes with leading all the time. Fortunately for me I have learned to "mask" it or turn it off. Regardless, it still causes problems in every day life. It's particularly hard in the corporate culture, especially when your boss is threatened by you, and doesn't understand why. I'm not talking about the cases where he or she knows they are less competent than you or even, the situation were their paranoid about you wanting their job. Truth is, in most cases I had no such desire. It's a simple case instinct vs. intellect. They instinctively want to defer to your will, but intellectually know they must be your superior. Thus, subconscious conflict. End result, usually loss of a job. In my case being a 6 ft. black male with 240 pounds of imposing muscle mass doesn't help either. To put it simply, I exist, therefore, I intimidate. The fact I have NO such intent is irrelevant when it comes to a closed mind.

Others dominate because they are "Control Freaks" and must be in control at all times. Controllers need constant assurance their out of control life, is under control. Usually, they seek to control every aspect of a bottom's (submissive person's) life. They are not happy unless they are debasing or controlling someone. For them, this is not a sensual activity, a part of life. For a control freak, it IS their life. They live to hear you beg because they need to feel superior, not because YOU need to be debased and or controlled. With a control freak, it is not about your need to submit or your craving for emotional release thru debasement or submission. It will always be about their need to hide their rampant sense of insecurity.

"I am in control, because I dominate you. Therefore I must be someone, because I am in control."

In a Dominant/submissive relationship, the Dominant's needs do come first, but not at the total and complete expense of the sub. Unfortunately, this group will never come to understand a Dominant's power and control comes from within, and NOT at the end of a whip. We are empowered by those who need to submit, NOT by our existence.

The next group, I feel have done more damage to the image of D/s relationships than any other. When people think BDSM they think of sickos and extreme painful torture. Granted there are those who take things to the extreme. But, for most of us, this is loving play, a fantasy role immersion with clear lines. Not so with the Pathological Sadists.

I am of the opinion that many Pathological Sadists join the BDSM world in order to make their need to hurt people socially acceptable. Understand, there is a fine line difference between giving someone release and taking what you need. I feel, true Pathological Sadists are dangerous. (Members of this group can also be control freaks.) Pathological Sadists are not to be confused with what I call EROTIC Sadists who are actually in control of themselves and will stop before they DAMAGE YOU. The Pathological Sadist dominates because they HAVE to. It is a driving need. They get off not only on your pain, but inflicting it as well. Sadists really want to see you suffer, long and slow, so they can get maximum enjoyment. Your needs as a submissive are totally irrelevant. At best, they will pay lip service to them; often ignoring them all together. You exist for their sadistic pleasure. With this group, expect to bleed and bleed often. True Pathological Sadists live to be cruel. Not because YOU WANT cruelty, but because they NEED to be. This makes a big difference. It's like a woman I once knew. She needed to be abused, she subconsciously sought it out in all her relationships. By day she was VP of a New England computer company. She was bright, confident and contrary to popular belief, she had self-esteem. There is a lot of bullshit floating around about practitioners of this lifestyle and the self-esteem issue is one of them. But that's for another time. I remember one session in her home, her husband was not present:

Celine was tied to an ottoman, bound at the knees and elbows to the piece of furniture. Her creamy bottom upturned with a vibrator in her ass. For the last few moments I'd been stroking her behind with a real riding crop she had for her horses. Like most submissives with masochistic tendencies she was hot, wet and wanton. My stokes, were about 15 seconds apart. Hard enough to lightly redden, but no more. With each stroke she would whimper, then wiggle her ass. Soon her whimpers turned to groans, her wiggles into sensual grinding.

"Harder , Master.... Please hit me harder."

I did. Normally, I would stroke her and give her a light spanking. "Yes.. Faster and harder." My stokes began to increase in rhythm and intensity. Celine was getting wild, asking for it harder and harder, faster and faster. I was getting caught up in her enjoyment of what was happening. She was losing herself in the session. Her ass wiggled wildly and she began to angle her behind upward to my strikes. Her loud cries were clearly that of pleasure. It was the first time I'd ever seen her let so completely go. Even though she was tied, she worked to expose herself in the most lewd of fashions. Celine's pussy was not just wet, it actually ran like a small stream. Without warning she actually came, and a flow of clear liquid slowly fell from her womanhood to the floor. Ordinarily, this would be a good thing, but in this case it was not. My strokes had gotten heavier than I like to use. Also, it was not part of our agreement. If I had continued I would have not only drawn blood, but damaged her as well. "Please, Master," she begged. "Hurt me.. Please." "Enough... You've had enough." I said. I reached down grabbing the vibrator and fucked her ass with it until she came again violently. "Fuck me... Please take me..." Her voice was husky and lust filled. Like I said before, she'd never been this lost in lust. It would be a lie if I didn't admit I was turned on by her. Grabbing her hips, I entered her and fucked her long and hard. My point... A sadist will not look out for your best interest. They will damage you if you let them. I stopped the whipping because Celine had crossed too far over the line between pain and pleasure. This was not part of our original agreement. Usually, before I do anything, I'll sit and talk to a sub to determine her needs. Then I establish limits and, if necessary, safe words for those who want to go to the extreme. A sadist frankly doesn't care. They will simply beat the shit out of you and move on. Finding someone to be cruel to you because you find it sexually exciting is fine. I have done that for many women and will do so in the future. But, stay away from those who obviously revel in hurting you. For you new people to BDSM, I want to point out this body of writing is specifically addressing a narrow aspect of this form of entertainment and NOT the mainstream. I DON'T want to give the impression that this is all about whipping and beating, because it is not. I'm addressing a small specific group within our small family.

As I was saying, I do not get pleasure from hurting people. What I get pleasure from is watching a woman cum. In short, I enjoy a bottom's enjoyment of a session, not the act of inflecting pain. When a woman comes to me and admits she wants a heavy session, I want to know why. If she convinces me it's what she wants and needs, I will consider it. I want to make sure this will VENT her psyche, not damage her. This is not to say that I would not work with a true Masochist. As far as I'm concerned, I have yet to meet one. Perhaps someday I will and it will be an interesting experience and one I hope to share. There are also legal realities one must be conscious of. The last thing you want to do is face a jury because someone or something got out of hand. Personally, I like to feel comfortable with a subject before I agree to give them what they need. Yes, I know there are Dominants who would accuse me of being soft. But, don't confuse my caring with being a wimp. Sadists will feel absolutely no sense of responsibility for any devastation they cause you. A proper Dominant, will not let things degenerate that far. As a submissive lover once said," I would do anything for you."

"Why?" I asked. She looked at me with the most beautiful doe brown eyes. " You care... No matter what you do to me, I feel you really care. Because of that I will gladly do anything for you."

Those who are masochists enjoy a certain level of pleasure and pain. SOME need this way of life in order to satisfy their often self destructive tendencies without destroying their lives, other's simply because they... well... LOVE IT !!! The point behind this form of sexual activity is to give and share pleasure, Not to damage other people.

We participants of S/M B/D, not only play in the realm between pleasure and pain, but too, the narrow corridor between sane desires and insane needs. Often during our play the lines become blurred for the submissive and the Dominant alike. Because of this awesome truth, we Dominants must face a fundamental fact. We are empowered by those who seek to submit to our will.

Therefore, "with great power also comes even greater responsibilities."

If this body of writing has touched you in some way please let me know your thoughts. All comments, E-mail address and fantasies will be kept strictly confidential. Come share with someone who understand.

1995 © Sir Magic "..the Darkangel". Rewritten 1998 Sir Magic
Construction & Design by Sir Magic