What's Behind Door Number Three?

Choosing A Slave/Sub

By Norische

There are many qualified slaves and submissives out there today that are just waiting for the Master or Mistress of their dreams to choose them and make all their dreams and fantasies come true. There are also many Masters and Mistresses out there that have been searching for someone to serve them, to worship the ground they walk on and fulfill their every desire.

How does one go about choosing a slave/sub?

Step One:
The first thing that a Dominant must do is to decide what his or her parameters are. To be specific you must first decide what your needs are and what qualifications you are looking for in an individual in order to know where to start the search. Remember to be as flexible as possible, but do not waiver on the things that are most important to you. Be decisive, honest and as specific as possible, this will help both you and any possible individual as well.

After you have determined your parameters and requirements you have undoubtedly eliminated a large portion of possible applicants prior to beginning the search. By this I mean that if you want someone that is a 24/7 live in slave you probably have eliminated anyone that is married and has children. If you want someone that will possibly serve in a sexual manner then you have probably eliminated anyone that is not of the appropriate sexual preference and gender, as well as those outside the desired age range. If you are looking for someone to be a pain toy then you may have eliminated those that do not enjoy pain.

The first parameter to review is form.

Do you wish a slave, a submissive, or a switch?
Do you wish a friend, an Internet relationship, a scene partner, a sexual partner, a part time slave/sub, or a 24/7 live in slave/sub?
Is this to be a monogamous, polyamourous, or open relationship?

The second parameter to review is absolutes.

Absolutes are issues or limitations that you will not concede under any circumstances. These are normally based on previous experiences but there are some that are logical or legal based. Each individual has had unique experiences and hence each individual's absolutes may be unique as well. My absolutes are rather simple.

No alcohol or substance abuse.
No one under the age of 18 yrs, preferably individuals should be over 21.
No one with outstanding legal matters that have yet been resolved; by this I do not mean if someone has a ticket three years ago, what I mean is if someone has an active warrant out for his or her arrest.
No excessive financial obligations. By this I mean I do not wish an individual that has excessive credit card dept, car payments, medical bills or cell phone bills that I may be expected to pay.
I do not tolerate racism, bigotry, or bias, hate for hate sake is a waste of my time and will not be tolerated.
I am polyamourous, I prefer multiple individuals; anyone I choose must accept this fact.
Any individual that I choose must have or be willing to work at least a part time job.
If an individual does not live near, they must be willing to relocate... this does include individuals from outside the country. If an individual is from outside the US, he or she must have a valid passport, and the appropriate papers to relocate.

The third parameter to review is limitations.

Does distance matter? If so what are the limitations with distance?
Does gender matter? If so what gender is preferred?
Does sexual orientation matter? If so what sexual orientation do you prefer?
Does race or ethnicity matter? If so what are your preferences?
Does religion matter? If so what are your preferences?
Does physical appearance matter? If so what are your preferences and limitations?
Does physical health matter? If so what are your preferences and limitations?
Does financial standing matter? If so what are your preferences or requirements?
Does level of experience matter? If so what are your requirements?

You may have other limitations and preferences that go into this category, but this is a good start. Remember do not limit yourself excessively, or else you may be limiting yourself out of a very good slave/sub.

The fourth parameter is requirements.

This is an area that you should place anything that is a requirement for the specific type of individual you are looking for.

For example: If I were looking for a domestic, I would require very specific things, I would want someone that is willing to cook, clean, and do household chores, that is healthy and active, that has some degree of experience with household duties and is able to follow basic instructions. Since I have pets I would require someone that is willing to feed, care for, and clean up after both cats and dogs. Since my submissive has some allergy problems I prefer that the individual under consideration does not smoke. I require all of my individuals to be honest, hard working and obedient but that goes without saying.

The fifth parameter is preferences.

This is an area in which you place things that would be nice to have if possible but are not a deciding factor in whether or not you accept an individual.

I am Native American, and was raised a traditionalist, so most individuals would label me as pagan... hence I would prefer someone with a similar background, familiarity or at least an acceptance of my lifestyle.

I am bisexual, and I have several friends that are bisexual or gay; I normally prefer my individuals to be bisexual or accepting of my lifestyle and to show respect to all that enter my house... no matter their gender or sexual preference.

I am polyamourous, I prefer to have an individual that accepts this fact, and is not prone to jealousy.

Step Two:
Now that you have considered and set all your parameters you are ready to move onto the next step. This involves actually searching for an individual.

Some individuals go to their local BDSM groups, or speak with friends within the lifestyle to see if there is anyone they would recommend or think would be appropriate.

Some individuals post personal ads on web sites such as:

Bondage.com
http://bondage.com/

Alt.com
http://www.alt.com/

Slave Workforce
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SlaveWorkforce/?yguid=99788111

There are several other such websites and groups, but this is a good start for your search.

Some individuals go to chat rooms, or Internet groups.

Some individuals go to BDSM events such as:

Beat Me In St. Louis

Tribal Fire

TES fest
http://www.tes.org

International Mr. Leather
https://www.imrl.com/

Thunder in The Mountain
http://www.thunderinthemountains.com

These are just a few of the many, many wonderful BDSM events, if you wish to review more events in your area one wonderful site I found is The BDSM Events Page at http://www.thebdsmeventspage.com, they give web addresses and dates to not only national events but international events as well.

Step Three:
Once you made contact with possible individuals, you must now sift through those that you have found and determine who has true potential.

There is no absolute method, or perfect questionnaire to fill out that will give you all the answers. But I have developed a series of things that I find helpful when I seek out a new slave/submissive.

Each time I consider someone as a potential, I have a certain series of things that I have found weed out the wannabees or the just curious types. I have found that many of the people that come to me begging to be my slave are just out for the experience and are not truly devoted to being a slave. While having someone to play with or be available on occasion is nice, it is not what I am looking for at this time.

One pet peeve I have is that if someone starts out calling me Mistress. I believe that this title is earned and the right to call me Mistress is also earned. Those individuals that have been in the lifestyle for a while normally do not automatically label other individuals, and hence when someone does this it leads me to believe they have limited experience or have never been trained otherwise.

Once someone has made the request to be my slave/sub I put him or her on a list of potential individuals. Sometimes the list may have only one individual sometimes it may have four or five, but no matter, the individual goes onto the potential list.

One thing I look at is how the individual contacts me. If the individual uses foul language, sends me pornographic photos, or fails to show proper respect... I usually mark them off my list immediately. Also if all the individual is only interested in sex or if they ask "What are you going to do to me?", I normally remove them from the list as well... While sex may or may not be a part of the relationship it by no means is something that needs to be discussed at such an early stage. The individuals that just want to know what I will do to them are what I call the "do me subs", these individuals are only interested in themselves, they are not interested in service.

I normally write a small profile for each individual, specifically how they contacted me, a copy of their profile (i.e. yahoo, alt.com, bondage.com etc) if available, and any correspondence they send me.

My first objective is to find out if they are serious or not. I have found a very simple task that allows me to weed out those that are not serious from those that have true potential. I instruct the individual to contact me each day, either through email, instant messenger, phone, writing, or by some means. It may seem like a simple task to most individuals but you would be surprised how many individuals do not make it through this first step. Several times individuals have made contact for a few days and then miss a day or two; I normally send a reminder letting them know that they did not contact me per my instructions. If the individual misses too many days or does not have a valid reason for missing then I drop the individual from my potential list and inform them why.

When I give a potential this simple task to perform I am looking for several things. First I want to see their level of dedication; because the task is quite simple several individuals over look it as irrelevant or unimportant. To me however, it shows that are willing to do what ever I ask no matter how irrelevant it may seem. It also shows me that they can follow instructions and are disciplined enough to do a repetitive task without fail.

Normally during this time I am learning more about the individual and sharing information about myself and my expectations. I cannot stress enough the need for open, honest communication. An informed decision can only be made when honesty and communication are present.

If the individual makes it through the first phase, we then progress onto the second. The second phase is when negotiations start. I let the individual know what I expect from him or her and I inform them what I have to offer. We discuss living arrangements, duties, financial obligations, and anything else that may be a significant item within the relationship. Once both myself and the individual feel secure with the negotiations then we can move on to the third phase.

The third phase is a trial period for both myself and the individual, normally it is for three months. During this time the individual will be placed on probation, they are not collared to me or my house at this time but they are required to behave as if they were my property. Normally the individual is living with me on a 24/7 basis during this time; however exceptions have been made in the past for unique circumstances.

If the arrangement is satisfactory for all involved, then a collar is offered and ownership begins.

Everyone has a different method to find the person they are searching for, each person has a different list of requirements and limitations, and everyone has something unique that they are looking for. Just because someone does not fit the mold of a perfect slave, does not mean that there is not potential there... remember training and patience can create a slave out of the most unlikely individual. Remember a diamond in the ruff is just an old chunk of coal, but one must be able to see the potential to obtain the true luster within.

As with everything this is my opinion, take what you will and leave the rest. If you wish to contact me, my email address is norisch1@mchsi.com. If you wish to see more of my work you may find a complete listing of all my writings at... http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Norisches_Quill/?yguid=99788111 in the files section.