The Dominant Female

The dominating woman has long been a standard joke for the stand-up comedian, who usually refers to a hen-pecked husband or a man with mother-in-law problems while glancing over the subject. Sexual researchers have long been aware of a more deep-seated phenomenon behind the public facade presented by such a woman, revealing that many of these women are only manifesting symptomatic reactions to a deep psychological problem. The recent surfacing of the Women's Liberation Movement has caused many males to suffer more anxiety pangs and has further muddled the picture as just to what is a dominating woman

When searching for an answer, psychologists and psychiatrists are hard put to find a definitive answer. But the truth is none of the aforementioned examples is typical of the dominant female. By this we mean the female who sexually dominates her partner through the use of psychological or physical means, or a combination of both. For purposes of this discussion, then, we are narrowing the field down to those women who actually practice such domination over their partners in a sexual manner. To be sure, the women cited by comedians as a dominating woman may actually be sexually domineering, but this is not generally the case. In fact, many women who nag at their husbands may actually be psychologically craving for the male to dominate them. Disappointed in picking a weak male as a husband, these frustrated women often will subliminate their true desires and take out the frustration on their partners verbally. Some studies of such women have gone so far as to illustrate that a few of these women are actually somewhat masochistic in their sexual desires

Before narrowing the field down to those women who actually practice sexual dominance over their partners, it might be interesting to draw some parallels between the dominant female and Women's Liberation in general. It must be remembered, however, that Women's Lib is not a true manifestation of female dominance, per se, that is to say, while there may be a number of dominating females within the movement, Women's Liberation is primarily a social revolution which goes much farther than sexuality at its roots. Most leaders of the movement feel that through redefining the sexual roles, both physically and socially, the male will actually be liberated himself. Otherwise, the end result, according to such activists as Gloria Steinem and Kate Millett, would be to put women on an equal status with the male, not in a superior role as it is with true female domination, particularly those who practice sexual domination. Yet, the movement for women's equality does share some sociological resemblance with feminine domination. Probably the most obvious one sexually, as we are considering only the sexual aspects of the question in a work of this length, is that the female can now demand an aggressive role in lovemaking. In a recent issue of Forum magazine Geramine Greer pointed out the advantages of a woman's being frank in sexual matters, saying that once a man gets over his 'castration' fears, he will find that he will enjoy sex more with a liberated mate. For instance, many men refuse to have sex in any other position than the standard man-on-top, but when they have been introduced to other positions, such as those with the woman sitting atop the man, they find that they can derive new sensations as well as affording better clitoral stimulation. The old myth of clitoral stimulation has been shattered by the recent flow of information dispersed through such agencies as Women's Lib. It only stands to reason, in the final run, that a woman who is being paid proper sexual attention by her mate will be a happier mate and will reciprocate more pleasure back to her mate.

The dominant female will usually demand to be the aggressor in sex, and she is well aware that her sexuality is centered in her clitoris. Therefore, she will often demand that oral sex be performed upon her. Oral pleasures are quite widely used throughout society, but the dominant woman will demand such attention. This is where she differs from other women in general. All other similarities between her and her sisters in the movement becomes merely symbolic when it gets down to true sexual motivations. For the dominant female is usually driven by a psychological as well as a physical need. We all realize the value of mental fantasy in sex, but the dominant woman is driven by a much stronger sexual need than usual, although the very word usual becomes a debatable term when applied to any psychological manifestation in these times. Suffice it to say that certain forms of sexual behavior are merely more prevalent than others. Consequently, those which are found less frequently than others in our society tend to be labeled 'bizarre,' or at least 'different.'

Of course, psychiatry has come a long way since the advent of Freud and we now recognize that many of the early researchers, scientists that they were, were forced to categorize many facets of human behavior simply for purposes of research. Now that we have had many years to study such phenomenon, we can see that human sexual behavior does not fit so neatly into the proper slots, and it is unlikely to run across the so-called 'normal' person. What with the mass education of the general public concerning sexual behavior that has been a result of much research, many leading sexologists now shun using such terms as deviant or abnormal behavior. Certainly there are many forms of sexual expression which are less prevalent, but it is important to evaluate the individual's behavior as a whole and decide whether or not he is able to function to some degree or another within the loose framework of our society. For this reason, we are coming to a point in our society when we are beginning to accept a more liberal approach to various acts committed between consenting individuals. If a person's sexual peculiarities cause him to perform acts which are injurious to himself or others, we must deal with the behavior, either through some form of therapy or through institutionalization as a last resort. Many individuals engage in sexual behavior which is not considered to be normal, particularly by our standards of years gone by, but we have come to see that many of these individuals are able to function within society. At times, certain individuals will become neurotically obsessed by their feelings to the point where some form of professional help is sought out. However, provided with a better understanding of their particular behavior, they are usually able to alter their patterns, or find someone with whom to share their particular wants. The majority of these individuals are able to adjust to a fairly happy life

This is true even in such areas of bizarre behavior as is evidenced in the dominant female. To be sure, a dominant woman could not function properly without a passive male partner to compliment her desires. For such women, there is an overabundance of willing male subjects (or female in the case of the dominant lesbian). When dealing with dominant women, we are delving into the realm of sadism and masochism. Just as in other forms of sexual aberrations, we very rarely find the true sadist or masochist. The true sadist is usually a sociopathic individual, who may go so far as to murder his victim. In most cases of sadism and masochism, we are dealing with a milder phenomenon usually resulting from a mental fixation. Fantasy, from necessity, forms the major part of the sadomasochist's sexuality. It is basically a form of sexual fetishism which substitutes a form of punishment for the act of sex. Contrary to the concepts laid down in the novels of the Marquis de Sade, from whose name sadism was derived, the individual involved in sadomasochistic behavior is usually a guilt-ridden person who is somewhat undersexed in nature. He must follow a ritual to perform successfully in sex. Before plunging on into a deeper look into sadomasochism itself, it is important that we understand just how such a form of fetishism develops in the individual. It may be somewhat oversimplified, but it should incorporate the jist of what most sexologists have come to learn about just how certain patterns of sexuality develop in the human. An animal's behavioral traits come from a variety of sources. An animal such as an ant is primarily concerned with gathering food, but the modern human, if we are to follow Freud's doctrines, is based primarily on sex, but by this I mean in the widest sense including mating behavior, child-parent relationships, etc

The human physical relationship has acquired a far wider range of uses than any other animal. These mating activities are also essential in asserting our dominance in our relation to others as well as serving as a form of sexual play. Play is a rather complicated activity. Beneath the surface, it serves as a means of letting off animal instincts, releasing tensions and anxieties as well as learning behavior, which is generally known as displacement activity. Human sexual development is a terribly complicated process compared to that of other primates, for we perform in ways that are not strictly biological in function, that is, not always for the purposes of procreation. We mate through the menstrual cycle, for one example. Being such a complex social animal as we are, we usually acquire a great many built-in anxieties which arise primarily due to the fact that we learn rather than inherit most of our behavioral patterns. As a consequence, human adult sexual behavior is much more variable than that of any other animal. Even our gender roles, our concepts of manliness and womanliness, are as much learned as inherited, so not even the sexual object is fixed. Unlike us, the sexual behavior of most other animals is generally turned on by a simple lock and key basis activated by signals from the opposite sex. These are acquired in infancy through a form of mental registration process which can be called imprinting. Once a certain animal is imprinted with the plumage, call or whatever of the appropriate partner, its response to this signal will become immediate from that moment on

But where humans are concerned things can alter. Drastically so. Not only do we differ between different cultures and nations as to just what sexual attributes we might find attractive, but we differ within these cultures themselves. A fair proportion of us are not only able to respond to sexual signals that may leave others completely turned-off, but some individuals need such signals to respond at all. This brings us into the realms of fetishistic behavior. Unlike animals then, if a human responds to a lock and key manner to a particular sexual signal, it invariably is an unusual one. While the large heading of fetishism can probably cover more of the so-called sexual aberrations than any other term, researchers have found that fetishes are as numerous as the individuals who relish them, as they depend upon the given situation experienced by that particular person which caused them to imprint in the first place. Fetishes can be a quite common thing. If they are a very popular form, such as an attraction for a woman's breasts, it is usually considered to be a form of partialism. True fetishism, in its sexual sense, is usually only applied to those who substitute the fetish for sexuality itself, that is to say, those who utilize the fetish object as an end in itself, whether animate or inanimate. An animate fetish is one which involves a part of the body of the sexual partner, whereas an inanimate fetish involves an object of non-sexual qualities such as a shoe. Most men in our society are attracted to one extent or another by women, although homosexuals invert this process. That's a whole other subject, but nevertheless a phenomenon brought on by imprinting. Yet there are many specialized preferences that we accept as a matter of routine. Certain preferences such as long hair, big breasts, a particular style of clothing and so on are quite common. Yet there are some individuals to whom this form of specific characteristic is a powerful, even necessary, signal, without which they cannot function sexually

While the majority of fetishists seem to be male, we have lately discovered that many women are also inclined towards fetishism. Some forms are quite common, but others, such as an attraction for rubber garments, are not nearly so prevalent throughout society. At the turn of the century, Havelock Ellis and Wilhelm Stekel, among others, attributed a wide variety of human sexual behavior to natural history, but it was Freud himself who gave us our first real insight into the importance and complexity of human sexuality and the way in which it can develop. It was he who pointed out that many of the so called unusual sexual responses are to be associated with anxieties that arise during the transition period from child to adult. It was found that fetishists in particular is a form of regression to an early period in the child's life, a period where it felt secure and warm. When played out in adult life, this regression is the basis for fetishism. His basic theory, which has since been modified by more recent studies, is that unusual object fixations usually revert back to an imprinting period of an unusually intense nature, to the point where the sexual object, that is the person of the opposite sex, may not imprint fully or not at all. Since then, a tremendous amount of psychological research has been done on sexual symbolism that crops up in human sexual behavior. As a result, much material has been written on just what these symbols mean to their owners, and how they relate to anxiety. The exact things which reinforce people sexually are not chosen at random. Observations show that particular things turn up time and time again in separate individuals, although they may have their particular nuances. Preferences such as a partner of a particular shape, for instance, are merely exaggerations of general human turn-ons such as hair, breasts and genitalia. Others are much less obvious. Some of these actually occur in other primates, though not universally in man. The fascination with urine is one example. Some categories involving humans contain those which are but a slight, yet ultimately meaningful, variation of normal responses. Human skin, as an example, is something which most of us respond to, but many fetishists are fascinated by slightly different textures which resemble it such as satin, leather and rubber. It is not always so simple however, as the individual may actually require the object to perform sexually. And the individual may specialize. If a person is attracted to leather for instance, it may have to be black patent leather, but further still in the form of a shoe of a particular style. The more definite the object, the more clearly imprinted is the fetish. When this is the case, the additional stimuli would appear to have the action of allaying childhood anxieties much in the way a teddy bear might allay a child's fear of the dark.

When a single, less usual item has a particularly strong effect on an individual, it usually does so for a whole range of reasons-both physical, symbolic and accidental. Yet, we do find that most fetishes are usually an emphasized version of a biologically programmed turn on. For instance, a shoe fetishist will visualize the feet of the woman he imagines wearing them and so on. While these emphases are important, they vary widely in their particulars. Such behavior is utilized by nearly everyone, either symbolically or physically, although to varying degrees to be sure. Playful violence during so-called normal sex is one of the most common forms of such fetishism. It may manifest itself in tussling, sham fighting, tickling, tight holding, hugging and so on. While there is physical stimulation, this activity has symbolic overtones of violence, anger, helplessness, punishment and so on which figure in child play, or in more drastic instances as a throwback to a parent-child relationship involving corporal punishment, a subject we shall return to later. The idea of being overpowered by a sexual partner carries with it a biological turn-on, and accompanied by such possibilities as being forced into having sex against one's own will may be particularly attractive to someone who has been brought up in an atmosphere that vaguely (or more strongly) suggests that sex is not right. Such a person, often guilt-ridden, may still need to go through a charade of being punished for the act of having sex

Closer examination of the sexual games which many individuals find reinforcing will show that the range of reasons mentioned before, that is physical, symbolic and accidental, are being met in such a situation, whether it be spontaneous or ritualistic. For instance, slapping and being slapped excite many people, many more than early believed by the first sexual researchers. It involves skin stimulation, struggling for survival, etc. plus aggression, punishment, reminiscence of infancy, and reddening of the buttocks-the main male releaser in most primates. Desmond Morris, author of The Naked Ape, feels that man was originally attracted to the female via the buttocks as are other apes. Many other couples find that they can achieve a better orgasm if they tie each other up, a practice known as bondage, closely related to sadomasochistic behavior. This activity involves struggle and muscular exertion, which nevertheless does not speed the climax, but rather prolongs it, something often needed by these undersexed individuals. The process of sadomasochistic behavior of this mild nature, such as spanking, bondage and so on, provides an outlet for mental fantasies without being too rough physically really a method of bringing fantasy to some sort of viable reality. These various forms of punishments involve the idea of getting the better of the other, providing the sensations of being helpless and hence not responsible for the sexual act that follows. In this way, the guilt-ridden individual is, in the psyche of the subject, not held to blame for enjoying sex. The extra anticipation which comes from teasing, mild torture, and postponement in addition to the wriggling and mock suffering of the prisoner looks like, and often is, a form of exaggerated sexual response. Due to this, many ethologists might see this form of roughhousing as a mere example of how versatile human play can be, using our physical responses to turn old babyhood worries and adult aggressions into sexual orgasms, rather than into real aggression. However it is not nearly so versatile as one might suspect, as the individual involved in such an act is more than likely to be a person functioning under a lock and key system, who in fact is limited to this one form of sexual outlet

Nevertheless, people who are able to treat this kind of sexual rough stuff as play, provided that it involves no real harm to either party, rather than worrying about it, are usually able to lead a relatively normal sex life. There have also been cases of individuals who were worried about their behavior at some time in their past and somehow, usually through professional counseling, are able to adapt to it and lead a good sex life. It is only when these forms of behavior become sources of heavy anxiety, or become obsessional to the degree of precluding sexual intercourse altogether, that they are a matter that should be brought to the attention of a psychiatrist

These physically aggressive sexual games appeal to both men and women, unlike some of the other fetishes which are primarily habitated by men. Many people are scared away by them even if they harbor such an idea themselves, feeling that love must always be tender, a mistaken idea. The fact is love can be highly boisterous at times among all the primates and other animals as well. There are other forms of fetishism to consider before we launch into a more definitive discussion of the dominant female herself. As many times the other forms of fetishism may be combined with sadism and masochism it might prove worthwhile to take a brief look at them. These involve both animate and inanimate fetishism, that is sexual preferences for particular parts of the body, or the love of certain textures and objects. In the case of both, something else, either another part of the body or an object, replaces the genitalia of the opposite sex as the sexual target-for instance, a woman may have to have a certain kind of feet, or color of hair. There are some rare instances of fetishism that are really Zen when one considers them. For example, some men are sexually attracted to amputees, and can only perform with such a woman." I love your arm that isn't there," they seem to be saying

While this may seem ludicrous, or even tragic, a surprising numbers of individuals have written in to Penthouse magazine about this liking. If such fetishistic attachments and preferences become exclusive, and the man cares more about the hair or the feet than they do about the woman, this can quite obviously get in the way of a full relationship, and the man may need some psychiatric help. But many individuals are able to adapt fairly well to their problem, finding a way of satisfying not only his fetish, but satisfying the sexual needs of his mate at the same time. Most usually animate and inanimate objectry are combined in one form or another. The preference for different textures or styles of clothing, which is the source of most object fetishism, are considered to be an outgrowth of our baby reaction to our mother's skin. Often such an emphasis will manifest itself in adulthood through various rituals involving tight, constricting clothing, physical threats, helplessness and the like. These forms of fetishism are usually found in a man, and often these men are masochistically inclined. Therefore, many dominant women will often adapt leather or rubber apparel, depending upon the inclinations of her passive partner, in combination with her usual act. These masochistic men will usually be filled with biological anxieties which cause him to add something extra to the female. It is interesting to note the growth of the number of texture fetishes over the years. When Krafft-Ebing first described them in the late 19th century, he mentioned only silk, fur, velvet and feathers. This is interesting in the way it coincides with the theory of such preferences being imprinted during early childhood in that such materials were often used to wrap babies in those days. With the advent of rubber and plastic, upon which many modern babies have been stashed, these materials too have later appeared as fetish items in adults

One of the favorites of sadomasochists is leather, as its menacing symbolism can take on as much meaning as its actual texture. It's menacing, often dyed black, constricting and has an animal-like smell. So we see that clothing can become many things other than protection or ornamental-the things that we wear to indicate our gender. Skin texture comes into play in various deviant forms here, bringing to mind shape, tightness, threat, submission, disguise, eggplants, memories of infancy, to name but a few. It is also interesting to note that clothing which comes into fetishistic vogue is usually about one generation out of date. Corsets and long black stockings excite some adults now, but pantyhose or some other unimaginable item like them may be in vogue in the near future. Oftentimes women are distressed to find that they have married a man with a fetishistic preference, complaining that "he loves me for my black bra, not for me." Such women are lucky to be married and they should keep their mouths shut. If such women will only learn to cater to such wishes, however, will probably find that very little effort on their part will be rewarded with much attention and affection from their mate

Provided it doesn't take up so much time that sexual intercourse doesn't lose out, a fetish can be utilized as an effective turn-on. We have come to accept many forms of pre-coital play that were thought to be abnormal some years back. Just why some people imprint so strongly, while others don't still isn't clear, but we have come to recognize that some forms of sexual fetishism can easily be tolerated within a relationship, provided of course, that it is pleasing to both partners. There are many more men to cater to dominant women these days, an unfortunate imbalance. That is to say, there aren't nearly enough dominant women to go around. When we consider that most fetishes of this nature are developed in early childhood, it isn't hard to understand. Many men find pleasure, a form of inverted pleasure at that, in being disciplined early in their lives. When we consider that the woman is usually cast in the role of disciplinarian in the modern home, it is not surprising that more men than women get hung up in masochism, seeking out strong women in their adulthood who can bring back the secure situation on which they imprinted in their childhood. Milder forms of sexual sadomasochism such as spanking are now much more common in our society than was previously recognized. As women, by nature, have traditionally and biologically always been the passive partner, many women will display some degree of masochistic behavior in their adult roles, while most men will take on the role of aggressor. This holds true in even more pronounced cases, such as those where spanking or some other form of sadomasochistic foreplay is involved. But in a situation where a dominant woman and a passive male are involved, an inversion process has taken place. Physiologically, it is not really so surprising that so many individuals have a preference for spanking. Besides the psychological aspects, the genital region is brought into play due to its proximity to the buttocks. As women have become more assertive and independent, we find more and more women assuming the dominant role in sexual relationships. In other cases of sadomasochistic behavior, we have found that husbands and wives will trade off roles, one serving as the dominant partner on one occasion, the other at another time.

The true dominant female would never stand for such a procedure. She is likely to have come from a home where the father was a weak-willed person, a home where the mother dominated. She may come to despise men, or at least to despair in their lack of strength. In cases of extreme hatred of the male, the woman may become a lesbian. It is also a well known fact that many prostitutes are lesbians, or at least look down upon the male. It is a sad thing that many masochistic males must seek out such women to relieve their sexual frustrations, but the fact is that there just aren't enough dominant women to go around. Therefore, when we consider the nature of many prostitutes in the first place, it is not surprising that many dominant women go into business to cater to such masochistic males. However harmless these men might be, there aren't that many women who will go along with the idea of totally dominating a male, although to be sure, there are many marriages based on the dominant female/passive male role. But for those men who cannot find an acceptable partner, there are always the professionals

In recent years, what with sexual laws in general opening up, there has been a great increase in the number of women who practice sexual domination for profit. Of course, many ordinary prostitutes of the past were well aware that a large amount of their trade was in servicing the needs of masochists, but very few of them actually specialized in such training. But with the new trend of open sexuality, the female dominatrix has come upon the scene

This woman should be distinguished from a prostitute. In the first place, most prostitutes are expected to engage in sexual Intercourse or a reasonable facsimile thereof. On the other hand, most professional dominators will refuse to allow such activity. She will usually only permit such behavior that displays passivity on the part of her 'slave,' such as having him perform cunnilingus upon her. She will probably insist on determining the manner of his climax. In this she is in a unique position. While the prostitute caters to the wishes of her customer, the female dominator forces her wishes on her customers. There are other differences. The prostitute will often have no other means of support, while the dominatrix may have other employment, such as teaching, secretarial work, or she may merely be a housewife. She can charge top price for her work since there are always plenty of men to go around.

One full-time woman at this profession was Baroness Monique van Cleef, who was deported when her house of pain was raided by New Jersey authorities.

A prostitute may be washed up at thirty, or at least lower her prices. Not so with the professional dominant woman. As a matter of fact, older women are usually sought out by the masochist, as it was with such a woman that he became fixated in the first place. A dominant woman doesn't have to worry about her face or figure. She'll still have more business than she can handle. While quite a number of these women are married, the majority seem to be unmarried. Handling their clients seems to fulfill their sexual satisfactions quite fully. In recent years a surprising number of Black women have become dominatrixes, especially in large metropolitan areas. These women seem to be able to build up quite a stable of regular customers in a Thort time. Their particular popularity seems to stem from a desire on the part of the masochist to really emphasize his reversal of roles. He is already being treated cruelly by a woman, but to have a black woman who has been ascribed an inferior societal status dominate him, he is only emphasizing his submission. Just how such a phenomenon as Women's Liberation is going to affect the dominant female remains to be seen. Once the Gay Liberation Movement got into full swing, many 'closet' homosexuals began coming out into the open. Whether or not we discover more dominant females who have highly speculative. It might be argued that such a woman has no need to come out for such things as equal rights since she is already light years ahead of her sisters, occupying a superior role to her male in her own realm

Whatever the reasons, and however the manifestations may appear, the dominant female is definitely a growing phenomenon, whether she be amateur or professional. The increasing demands upon the male in our present society from all sides only makes him an all too willing victim for the whips and abuse, but sexual security, the dominant female has to offer. ( This was from Kinky Magazine 1975.) Mistress Michelle Peters