Responsibility in a BDSM relationship

by Shakti

I don't consider myself a sadist. I do some pain play, but if I have to choose a label, I'd pick dominant. The thrill for me in BDSM is involved with knowing that my partner trusts me so much that they are literally willing to put their life into my hands. And I better be worthy of that trust.

I take my responsibility as a Dom very seriously. Now, that doesn't mean that everything I do with my partner is weighted down with all kinds of heavy intentions intended to breach all of his defenses and break him to my will. Sometimes what we do is just fun. But throughout it all, runs a very serious commitment. He trust me with his life because he knows I am worthy of that trust.

BDSM treads the line of many practices that can seriously hurt someone if done with little thought or care. Incorrect bindings can cause nerve damage and impair circulation. Bruising or lacerations can occur in unintended places. Kidney damage, dislocated shoulders and deep bruising that causes blood clots are not things to be taken lightly. Those are physical ailments, and can most times be easily seen with the naked eye. Mental ones can occur as well, and those can cause even more lasting damage.

BDSM can be fun and light-hearted, but don't ever forget that often you are playing with very dangerous stuff.

When I decide to do something with my partner, I do my best to consider all angles. Does he have any health problems that will preclude us doing this? Is there any mental buttons that this might push and damage his self-esteem? How will this work within our relationship? Does it add to it? Does it help us to grow together as a couple?

After I consider these things, and I have decided on my course of action, I commit myself to accepting the responsibility for what happens. I have chosen to do this, and I must accept the consequences.

I speak here as a dominant, but if you are a sadist or a masochist or a submissive, I feel it is all the same. You have to take responsibility for you actions. How else can you make decisions that allow you to play safely and sanely, not to mention consensually?