From A Dom's Perspective: Intent In BDSM

By Dragon~Lord aka Dennis © 2003

"Looking in the mirror,
I see the way that things are,
But if I stop and ponder,
What the reflection truly offers me.
I begin to see with a tinge of fear,
That what I thought I knew were far
From the truth I believed without wonder,
An image skewed from the perspective I see.
I look at the little one who lies before me,
Bound to me beyond the clothing of ropes,
Eyes wide, filled with liquid wonderment,
All a quiver with dynamic tension;
I strive to hold time in suspension.
I consider with contemplative assessment,
Are they truly fulfilling all their hopes,
And muse about what images in the mirror they see.
I wish them to heal or travel afar,
They say they wish the same not just a kinky bent,
But is that look within their eyes,
The look of a destination arrived?
Or am I sending them someplace contrived?
But is their vision the same as I surmise?
Are we traveling with the same intent?
Or are our reflective perceptions slight ajar?
"Introspective Intent" - Dragon~Lord

Intent (1): (In-tent'). N. 1. The act or fact of intending as to do something: criminal intent. Etc...

Intent (2): (In-tent'). Adj. 1. Firmly or steadfastly fixed or directed, as the eyes, mind, etc. 2. Having the attention sharply focused or fixed on something. 3. Determined; having the mind or willing fixed on some purpose or goal. 4. Earnest; Intense.

Greetings, I am still riding a wave of intense euphoria and introspection as of late. My clan and myself just completed a Buchmann's APEX Academy weekend recently that dealt with Master/Slave issues, BDSM and many points in between. I went into this very well organized and finely presented seminar as almost anyone does when they enter into an arena of what they feel is known territory, with a bag of salt and hopefully an open mind that will see what tidbits one can find. I will not spoil it for those who have never been to one of Master Steve's seminars and for those who have I need not say more. I meet some very wonderful people who I had thought I had known before, before I realized that I had been looking through a mirror of my own making (my term to describe and come to gripes with my own epiphany).

But I will share with you one of the bigger awakenings within my worldview and of myself, and that is in my understanding of the word and meaning of INTENT. In the beginning of this piece I gave you the shortened version of the word as a noun, which is where I had lodged it in my own mind, I find that we in the life use a lot of words as nouns that are really adjectives: submissive, dominant, even Master, Slave, Bottom and even Head-space.

When we sit down and negotiate, be it a long drawn out formal process or just "you ready, good, grab the bag, race you to the cross!" style, or even the 'grab the back of the hair and move them where they will be' style. We all come to that table with some form of intent. For some it is the intent to play, to fly, to be foreplay, for sex, for healing, for catharsis, for exploring the inner self, for connecting to each other on deeper levels, etc. what ever the reason we do what we do we have expectations and intent. Now expectations some like to say don't have any, what will be will be, I am of that bent at times, for too great an expectation lends to imagined ivory towers that may never appear.

Expectations can lead to bitter disappointments, (unless they are used in terror play... then they have a powerful use!) But one cannot realistically expect (note this word) another to have no expectations. One can though limit the amount of expectations by focusing more on what the Intent of the scene is to be. Just use the second meaning of the word as an adjective and not as a noun.

As a Top, Dom, Master (noun of your choice, though it is really the adjective of your actions.) you need to find what is the true intent of your partner, not always will it be what you thought it was. If it is just to please you, then by golly you better be able to understand and be able to convey to them what pleases you. (Sometimes a difficult question for some to ask of themselves.)

As the Bottom, Sub, Slave it is incumbent on you also to be able to express what is your intent in the scene, if it is to relive the stress of the day, journey into the cosmos, or to provide pleasure for your controller. Suppress the shyness if you have it, open up to this person whom you must have some strong sense of trust in and tell them what your intent is. Depending on your units' dynamics they may or may not act on your intent but at least they will know it. (The universe will provide. Hint: most controllers will find a way to incorporate your intent with theirs, just don't tell them I said so... ok?)

Words and thoughts have great power, if we say we will do something, most of the time we will, if we say we may do something, most of the time we will not. If one enters a scene with the first meaning of the word intent as a noun (a person, place or thing) it does not have the same impact as the second meaning as an adjectival word, your focus is there, your steadfastly fixed on the goal, not just intending to, you are doing not just thinking about it.

The other thing about intent is making sure it is clear and focused, coherent like a laser beam versus a soft white bulb's light. But in order for this to occur one must make sure that the focus is not distorted by one's own mirror of what is to occur. You may have the strongest intent to make your little one fly away in the throes of multiple orgasmic pleasure, yet they may have the intent to reach a cathartic breakthrough against a wall that has been preventing them to reach new levels with you, or worse yet to be able to reach a point that they can release enough to have that jelly fish flopping of multiple orgasmic pleasure.

You may be of the intent to bring them to a breaking point of total submission and surrender, when in fact they have reached that point and just wish to please you sadistic pleasures, oops that could loop and get ugly or not... grin!

Just make sure that when you are ready to play (work) on your partner that you both have a clear and focused intent, even if it is the intent to see where the universe is willing to take you, in other words the intent to not seek a specific goal but to just be in the moment. (A more difficult challenge then one might suspect but I have found very few things that are precious in this life that were not a challenge, and the greater the challenge usually the greater the reward, karma has a way of working that way.)

Be well and blessed be!
Dragon~Lord

ans peur et sans reproche
(At least I try to be)

"Credendo Vides"
(In Believing, one sees)

"What color is a Dragon my son?"
"Crimson, Master, Bloody crimson, no matter what doth the eyes say"