Expanding Dominance

By Rob Hart © 1998

The Three Flows

Three flows merge in my Dominance.

Aggression's raging torrent.

The animal in heat, from which comes the need to take, to use, to control, to own, to brook no barrier between the desire and the deed.

Desire's broad and irresistible surge.

Its force must know the one I cherish as thoroughly as possible. From it comes the need to enter every orifice, to squeeze and kneed every delicate precious part, to taste deeply of everything and completely know both mind and body.

Nurture's gentle and playful stream

That part of Dominant that is servant and will work endlessly to bring out pleasure, sensation and discovery without violating trust; it basks in the satisfaction of a partner's trust and gratitude and that blends with affection and love.

Releasing the Flows

I fondly remember visiting a submissive partner's apartment one day to be greeted by her wearing a provocative summer dress - and instantly seizing her, beginning to play with her and telling her that dress was so evocative she should never wear it unless she was prepared to accept the consequences (my language was a little stronger).

Yet however attractive her or her dress, I would not have done that the first, nor the second, nor perhaps even the third time we met. I do not easily or quickly yield to all my impulses. I need my partner to know me before I can know them in all the ways I desire. In their knowing me, I will be able to find the means to expand my limits even as I am finding their tolerances and needs.

For in expanding my limits I am opening hers, whether she has had them opened before or not, and this is a process both delightful and delicate.

By expanding limits, I don't mean changing my mind about breath games, piercing, cutting or No.2's. It means being sure enough of my partner's nature that I may release each of the three flows increasingly towards their full potential. Can I be as forceful, as kinky, as caring as I will want - and will she stimulate in me the desire to be these things?

Because I draw for my Dominance from a place that is creative, aggressive and that thinks of itself as "fun" and caring, not hurtful, there is a limit to how much I may draw from that place depending on how sure I am of my partner. The more I know and am certain that what I draw from it will be perceived and received desirably, the more I can draw from it.

In a healthy relationship both value the relationship, work to preserve and enhance it and fear losing it. While as a Dominant I must be enough the Dominant to satisfy a submissive (and I rather much enjoy my work in that regard), I never wish to do something that will push away or alienate someone who I want to be with - sometimes in fact I have internal doubts and worry that I am not pushing someone enough because I am afraid of pushing too much.

Yes, it is great fun to 'push' and to 'surprise' but there is a great deal to learn before a sensible man who values the woman He is with will 'push' or 'surprise' in ways that could if going wrong cost Him that woman. And yet when a Dominant pushes in the right way and new feeling is reached, the satisfaction and intimacy that comes from it is amazing.

So, in a perverse and contrary fashion, the more I am sure you know I'm a nice and decent guy, the nastier I can happily behave. Similarly, the more a Dominant knows a submissive and how they communicate their feelings, the further they will be able to take them. If I do not know the reason for them, your tears make me pause; but if I know they, like my aggression, come from a good place I will grin and kiss them from your cheeks.

The knowledge and confidence to go so far in using power also feed the desire to be tender. Sometimes when a slave is at their most helpless is when a Dominant can most feel the desire to gently caress them.

Especially tender moments come after an intense session, when someone has been helpless and exposed and thoroughly used - and I hold that someone in my arms, telling them how special they are to me.

The one thing to never play with is a submissive's confidence that I am with her because she is my best choice.