From A Dom's Perspective: Top, Dom and Master

By Dragon~Lord aka Dennis © 2002

Wanted: a Master, who is both kind and strong,
Wanna-be’s, HNG'S and poser’s, need not apply,
Must be skilled in the use of a truly willing slave,
For I deeply desire, nay I must, to my knees fall.

Must be able to help me focus, for this I long,
Show me how to fly to release my endorphin sigh,
My soul is waiting for your whip to engrave,
Oh did I mention you must be tall.
- Dragon~Lord

"A broom is drearily sweeping,
Of the broken pieces of yesterdays life,
Somewhere a Queen is weeping,
And somewhere a King has no wife."
-Jimi Hendrix
"And the wind cried Mary"

A young lady had contacted me not to long ago concerning one of my articles she had read. It seems it struck her and she noted that I lived close to her, so she sent me an email asking about what she had read. I normally do not give my IM out to many but something in the wording of her missive gave me pause... it had piqued my curiosity, so we started talking. She is a young woman living at home (before tongues run wild, she is above legal age, it is just a matter of circumstances.) she has had some experience with the life (style) from both a male and a female Top/Domme at different times in her life.

As we talked I offered to help her to understand and learn more about what she was and help her with her path to being more like what she wished to be. I informed her that I was married and though I am a polyamourous male and my wife understands, (that is to the best of her ability, it’s not quite as easy as some would think) I also explained that I was not attempting to become her Master nor was I a HNG (Horney Net Geek) looking to play for sexual gratification. I did offer to meet her for some coffee in a very public place, for her own sense of safety and well being, when and if she ever felt ready to. I also gave her permission to contact me at any time that she needed to. I also said I would be on the look out for any one who I thought might be well suited to possibly be compatible as her Dom or even Master. (That is a distinction for them to work out.)

Now many things had gone through my mind during and after the discussions we have had, one was I had to devote a lot of time in explaining my actions and words to her, not because of her; but because of our society and times. You see, a long, long time ago, in a place far, far away, when a young woman or man asked me questions about our life (style) and if I would help them to understand who and what they were (not always the same as what or who they thought they were... go figure...) well I could just go ahead and make arrangements to assist them on the pathway. Well that is not so easily done any more, you see when I was younger, very much younger, a mentor was a mentor and a teacher was a teacher and a Master was a Master. But not so it seems anymore, too many have used the terms we once thought we knew the meaning for and have derailed them from the track we believed they belonged on.

Far too many have entered into our life (style) with the moniker Master 12 inches, or Mistress of distress, Lord of your ass, Slave Master of any who kneel, etc... (Any resemblances to any real names... sorry but maybe you should consider a change of name.) Too many have come into another’s life in the guise of a mentor or teacher simply as an excuse to be a predator or they take on the title of what they think they are or want to be.

No one wants to start at the perceived bottom of the rung, except for the blessed bottoms or those rare omegas. What people have forgotten or maybe never were taught about this life is that we may not have many core beliefs but we do have some.

Always be whom you are, knowing full well that for some that may change in a moment.

Because of what we do, falsehood cannot be tolerated nor condoned; it is counter to the level of trust that we require from all.

Just because you call a rabbit a lion, does not stop the real lion from eating the rabbit, tout suet. Bugs just isn’t a lion, honey, time shows that to all.

Except that experience comes with time (not chronological age folks, I knew a lot before I turned of legal age, but that is another story.) except that the experience you gain shows in your congruency in all that you do.

Questions are not signs of ignorance, arrogance is. Even an established Master will ask questions to understand. Some thing else that I pondered is that too many feel that there is a single ladder on the upper side of our life (style), some see the ladder as having three stages the lowest being Top, the middle called Dom and the apex called Master... I disagree; to me there are three separate ladders side by side. At the peak of each one is the label Top, Dom and Master. These ladders arte close enough to leap from one to the other and back as needed. One of the major differences is that the Top ladder has experiences that are needed on the Dom ladder and the Master ladder needs the experiences offered on the other two.

The other is commitment, not everybody wishes the varied levels of commitment that the Dom and Master ladder requires. Each ladder has it’s own skill sets but the level of interpersonal commitment rises exponentially from Top to Dom to Master. (Damn and I hated algebra.) Oh and a minor difference is that Tops tend to deal more in the realm of S/M while Dom and Masters work with more D/s though all can be stirred in the alphabet soup we call BDSM.

I also thought that as a person who has taught many things throughout my life that it is such a shame that I have to explain my intent (again not because of her) because of the world as it is. Buchmann’s Academy now called the APEX Academy is one of the few places that offers formalized training for Master and Slave, but not all can rush out and sign up, though Master Steve probably would like that... Woof!

I wish that there was a set standard to measure all of us with, but there is no yardstick marked Master Measure, but there is a way one can get some validation as to where one sits in the scheme of things, for being humans we all like to know were we fit in the hierarchal pyramid. One way to find were you sit or stand or even kneel is by how others react or treat you compared to your own inner truthfulness.

Another is who do you like to play with, you see there is a saying that says "opposites attract" what a crock, it is not a universal for I do not see many of the religious right sitting next to me at meetings, I don’t see Dr. Laura being a part of a face slapping interrogation scene (fun thought though), but it does somewhat work in our partner dynamics, you see we tend to play best with our inverse: Tops play well with Bottoms, Dom’s work well with Sub’s and Masters control slaves. So if you find you play better with someone who wants to just feel your better sadistic side and not cuddle too much or not at all after wards you might be sitting on a rung of the Top ladder. If you find that you like the actions of a submissive individual who serves and you need only to speak softly to get your needs met, you are on a rung of the Dom ladder. If you find that you need not notice that your glass was filled by a loving devoted little one, just that it was filled, that most of your commands are hardly ever spoken, then your cheeks are on the Master ladder. (Ever notice that as one travels from one ladder to another, their voice gets lower...)

Now as to the young lady in question, she is of a tall statuesque build yet extremely feminine in form. Definition: statuesque = stone fox, damn showed my age again. I will not divulge anything more for that is up to her. She should have no problem finding someone just right for her and I will help as much as I can. OH, did I forget to mention that he needs to be TALL at least 6’ 2" or taller.

Until once again my rants and raves cross your eyes,

Be well and blessed be,
Adieu!

Credendo vides!
(In believing, one sees!)
Dennis "Dragon~Lord"
(Note the Lord part is at the end not a title)

"What color is a Dragon my son?"
"Crimson, Master, Bloody crimson, no matter what doth the eyes say"