Scene Speak

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SCENE SPEAK

Scene speech is a language that we develop and use solely in-scene.

We reserve this speech to augment and accentuate the atmosphere of the scene and often to heighten the sensory experience for both Dominant and submissive. This type of speech ranges from simple straight forward commands to language of affirmation and frequently language of humiliation if that humiliation is an integral part of the scene, scene arrangement or construction of the relationship shared between that Dominant and submissive. When constructing a full time or 24/7 type relationship it becomes important to create and maintain a neutral space that allows both Dominant and submissive to proceed forward with their lives without constant intervention or overview. Within many 24/7 relationships it becomes necessary and indeed desirable to regard your partner as fully competent, skilled and capable of performing the necessities of daily life without constant external reinforcement. A successful submissive can be viewed as a submissive who is in a relatively healthy state of mind, one who is moving forward with career or goals, one who views their life with excitement and joy.

This 'performance' of competence is an expression of balance. For most Dominants they simply do not have the time or energy to 'micromanage' every single detail of someone else's life. To do so would mean that they would spend a majority of their time in this process instead of utilizing that time to attend to career, family, passionate interests or hobbies.

In creating acceptable relationship language the involved persons should view the environment that they share and determine if the open expression of specific language or behavior may have an involuntary imposing impact on others. If there are persons present within the environment who are unable to offer consent (such as children up to age 18) or persons whose personal beliefs are outside of the alternative lifestyles community then it becomes necessary to create a language that addresses these known environmental limits.

To reduce confusion or mistakes most people make choices that keep the language 'simple'. It is common to call your partner/s by their proper name when within this neutral environment and to reserve 'honorific' speech or titles as specific to 'scene'. In addition to language it becomes necessary to negotiate and decide on what behavior should be present and what should not. Any new behavior that creates concern, shame or confusion in children should not be presented before those children. In general terms it is easy to establish that all parties treat each other with open respect and care. Disrespect in the presence of others can be enormously damaging to relationships and can create abusive responses in others.

Many submissives find that they become so used to calling their Dominant their Master or Mistress that they 'slip'. By treating such a slip with humor the involved persons can usually evade direct questions by those viewing the slip. However, understand that other humans present in your environment are intelligent. They will see small nuances and they will catch the minutia of your responses to each other. Expect to be asked questions somewhere along the way. If those questions are from children then handle them carefully. It is not proper to impose your choice of lifestyle on children in the formative years of their life. To protect their future personal choices it becomes important not to attempt to influence or in any way manipulate how they might view the relationship they see. If a child in your home accidentally walks in on a scene that includes bondage, spanking or flogging then you need to immediately halt the scene and both partners need to sit down with that child and explain that what they viewed was not someone they love hurting and being hurt by someone else they love. You can express this by suggesting that you and your partner were playing an adult game that you both enjoy. The very best way to handle children in the home is to use locks on your doors and check those locks before even considering scening. If your children see both adults as joyous, happy and loving of each other then they will assume that the noises they hear behind the door are adult sex noises of which they may be curious but also they will probably lack a full understanding of and they will probably be unwilling or reluctant to openly discuss the sounds with you. Being lifestyle active presents certain legal dangers, being part of this lifestyle can and may threaten custody of children, it can and may expose one or both of you to charges of abuse or domestic violence, it can and may expose you to charges of rape or malicious injury, or assault and even attempted murder, it can and may expose one or both of you to possession of materials, articles or objects which are illegal under state law.

Scene speech frequently includes language that would be intolerable or wrong in any other setting. A scene is created by the Dominant by 'entering' scene speech. Therefore every effort should be made to maintain total control of that usage. A Dominant should also remember that their submissive is 'hearing' everything that they say. Words said 'in scene' are interpreted as 'part of scene' and may excite the submissive in that context. The same words used daily or in common speech may represent crude diminishment or verbal assault against the submissive. It is common in the vanilla relationship to verbally berate and chastise each other both in public and in private, this disrespect erodes the relationship and often polarizes everyone involved. Many people seek out the D/s community in an effort to create a relationship which avoids this process yet once within the D/s relationship they return to 'casting negativity' at their partner. For a Dominant it becomes crucial to understand that every 'casting of negativity' by you toward your partner hits them. They are in a position of 'listening' to you, by abusing that 'hearing' you are able to assault and injure them easily. If you desire to create a positive atmosphere in your relationship then you must resist 'reactive speech' and refuse to hit your submissive verbally regardless of the provocation of their behavior. To some extent you must retrain your responses and see the relationship on totally different terms. Counseling your partner or 'lecturing' them about some aspect of their behavior may be received as an attack. Clarify when something has occurred that you disagree with, nothing more. Accept that they are competent to view their behavior, that they know and understand their choices and have and are making those choices willingly. In other words 'respect'

their choices even if you totally disagree with them. By placing responsibility for their behavior firmly in their hands you evade conflict. Each of us is responsible for our own behavior, not the behavior of others. Refuse to engage in diminishment exercises.

Praise your submissive daily, remind them that they are precious to you. Most submissives have enormous difficulty accepting praise, understanding that they are desirable in someone else's life, the small action of positive acknowledgment will over time bring forth the bloom of their spirit.

When creating scene speech, ask your submissive if there are certain words that are unacceptable to them. Generally the existence of such unacceptable words are indicative of words used specifically against them in an assaultive or abusive manner in the past. Remember that there are all kinds of words to use, try to use words that achieve the effect you desire and try to avoid those which may cause further injury. These words are an in-scene tool or toy and they will work differently on each individual.