KNOCK, KNOCK .. WHO'S THERE?

By Uncommon Ground

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WHAT TO DO IF THE POLICE COME TO YOUR DOOR

Knock. Knock. The police are standing at your door.

Your neighbor heard the paddling, flogging, and delighted screams from your S/M scene, mistook them for domestic violence, and called 911.

What do you do?

BD/SM can get loud. And the noises from a scene can be easily mistaken for an assault. The crack of a singletail whip sounds like a rifle shot. Screams of pleasure can sound like screams of terror. Spanking and paddling can sound like someone being battered.

So the first thing you should do, long before your neighbor dials 911, is to soundproof your apartment or the parts of your house where you play. Contrary to popular notions, turning up the volume on your stereo to mask the sound of your S/M scenes doesn't work. The thud of a paddle can be heard above the music, even rock music. The same goes for screams.

Here are some suggestions:

Do a thorough check of your dwelling to see where sound bleeds out. Pay special attention to windows and party walls.

Hang drapes on your windows. The glass conducts sound nicely and is your most likely sound leak.

Arrange furniture and hang pictures so as to baffle sound.

And make sure you lock your door before you start playing. One person we know had the police enter his unlocked apartment and walk into the bedroom during a scene.

Nonetheless, even though you attempted to soundproof your residence, your neighbor hears the sounds of your scene and called the police. Now what?

First and foremost, you do not have to consent to the police entering. You may decide to invite them in (though we don't recommend it), but it's your decision. On the other hand, if the police insist on entering - even if they are wrong - you must step aside and let them in. Otherwise, you could be charged with obstruction of justice. Whatever you choose to do, decide your course of action now. Don't wait until the heat of the moment to figure out what to do.

Second, you need to recognize the police officers' frame of reference. In all probability, the officers know nothing about BD/SM except maybe what they've seen in the movies. But they have been on plenty of domestic violence calls. And that colors everything that is going to happen.

Many states have mandatory arrest laws that apply whenever the police make a domestic violence call. Whether such laws will ultimately withstand constitutional scrutiny, the officers are required to arrest someone.

POLICE OFFICERS' PERSPECTIVE

Put yourself in the police officers' shoes and recognize that domestic violence calls are tense. The batterer is full of rage, is hostile and angry, and very well may act out violently toward the police.

That is the scenario playing in the police officers' heads when they approach the door. Danger is in the air and adrenaline in the blood. So, your first job is to deflate the tension.

Be calm. Be soft-spoken.

Be cooperative, without inviting the officers inside. (More on this subject later).

Do not become belligerent or indignant.

The victim in most domestic violence situations refuses to press charges and even denies that a battering has occurred. The officers have seen it time and time again. That's the reason for the mandatory arrest laws.

In other words, merely denying domestic violence won't solve your problem.

We recommend the following guidelines, or some variant:

1 ... Let the woman do the talking.

If neither of you is a woman or both of you are women, you're in luck. This is one situation where the prejudices against gays and lesbians actually works in your favor. The police are likely to be less than enthusiastic about intervening in a gay or lesbian domestic quarrel.

If the woman is the top and a man is the bottom, the police again will be less than enthusiastic about intervening. Yes, this speaks to common prejudices, but that's the way it is.

It is the heterosexual couple with a male top who is most at risk. Defuse the situation by letting the woman (the presumed victim) do the talking.

2 ... Let her talk to one of the officers by herself, out of your presence.

In domestic violence calls, the man often hovers over the woman and monitors her every word. Make it clear by your actions that the woman is free to speak whatever she wishes to the police.

3 ... Explain that you were having "wild sex."

You should avoid saying that you were doing S&M or S/M or any variant of that terminology. It is unlikely the officers would understand, and your explanation is going to do more harm than good. Your scene probably involved someone being tied up and/or beaten in some fashion.

If you don't like the term "wild sex," try calling it "kinky sex."

If the officers ask you for details, politely but firmly refuse to describe your sexual activity. That's private and no one's business but your own.

4 ... Let the officers make a reasonable inspection of the presumed victim's face, arms, and any other areas of the body you are willing to expose.

But this does not mean letting the officers look at private areas of the body (i.e., breasts, genitals, buttocks). Your intent here is to persuade the police officers that no violence has taken place, but you don't have to go to unreasonable lengths. And you shouldn't violate your own sense of privacy.

SHOULD YOU INVITE THE POLICE INSIDE?

There is a split of opinion on this one. So we'll walk you through both sides.

Under the Fourth Amendment, the police are not entitled to enter your dwelling without a warrant. There may be some exceptions, such as a violent felony in progress, but those shouldn't apply when you're merely standing at your door.

If you invite the police to come inside, you've waived your Fourth Amendment protections. However, if the police demand to come in, do not block their way. Blocking their way could get you charged with obstruction of justice.

If a police officer insists on entering your dwelling, we recommend saying the following, as you step aside:

"I do not consent to your entry nor do I waive my privacy rights or my rights under the Fourth Amendment, but I will not obstruct you in the performance or apparent performance of your official duties."

Or you can say a shorter version of this by leaving out the part about privacy rights and the Fourth Amendment. We strongly recommend, however, that you do say the parts about not consenting and not obstructing. You can consult with a lawyer afterwards, sort out your legal rights, and decide whether you want to pursue a court action to vindicate your rights.

The "Let 'Em In" Viewpoint

Inviting the police inside shows cooperation. If the apartment or house is neat and orderly (i.e., no broken lamps, no disarray of furniture), inviting the police inside supports your position that there has been no domestic violence.

Note: Having BD/SM toys lying about probably puts you in the "just say no" camp. See the discussion below, under the next heading.

Conversely, not inviting the police inside tends to arouse suspicion. The officers' presupposition is that this is a domestic violence call, and your declining to ask them in may make them wonder what you are hiding. And having an extended conversation on your doorstep can be awkward.

You should also be aware that if the officers ask to come inside and you refuse, it will increase the level of tension.

The "Just Say No" Viewpoint

The reality is that you probably have S/M toys strewn about, particularly if you have been interrupted in mid-scene. Or you may simply have S/M toys lying in plain view.

If the officers are invited in and see floggers, paddles, whips, and other gear lying about, it will lead them to ask questions about the equipment and what was being done with it. The explanation, of course, is that the top was using it on the bottom. This answer is damaging to you and your partner. The mere fact that the two of you claim the flogging or paddling was consensual will mean little. Remember, the officers are used to hearing victims deny the domestic abuse, and your assertion that the activity was consensual will be heard as just another form of denial.

What if the officers ask to come inside?  If you don't want to consent to their entry, you'll need to say "no" in the least confrontive manner. Your response should be something like this:

Officer: May we come in and have a look around?

You: No. I would prefer you didn't. I feel strongly about the privacy of my home.

The officers may persist in their request. They are much more experienced than you are in dealing with situations where they would like to enter. You also should be aware that if there is a fine balance between whether or not an arrest will be made, declining their request to enter may tip the scales in favor of the arrest. That is something you will have to decide. Only you know what toys you have lying around inside, and only you can gauge how strongly you feel about the privacy of your dwelling.

To reiterate an earlier point, if the police demand to come inside despite your objection, do not block their way or you could be charged with obstruction. But you don't have to consent. We recommend saying the following as you step aside: "I do not consent to your entry, but I will not obstruct you in the performance or apparent performance of your official duties."

THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT

At any point, if it looks like an arrest is coming down despite your best explanations, shut your mouth immediately. Exercise your right to stop talking to the police officers.

You have the right to remain silent, and you can exercise it at any time. Do not volunteer any more information. You can sort out your rights and whether any charges against you will be pressed after you are bailed out of jail.