The 5 W’s (and a how) of Starting a Munch

By Claire

Munches are broadly defined as, "a way to meet folks that are into BDSM in an informal and hassle-free environment." Usually the setting for a "munch" is a restaurant, coffee shop, or similar environment. Munches have become a common occurrence nation and worldwide. They are a great way for newcomers to get involved in their local community in a familiar non-threatening setting.

Who

I tend to think that munches should be pansexual meaning open to everyone across gender and sexual orientation lines. They are in non BDSM spaces so the purpose tends to be more social and a safe introduction to the "scene" so that although you will get some old hats, expect to see plenty of novices attending.

Why

For me, I started the Connecticut Munches because there was a serious lack of groups in the southern half of Connecticut and due to lots of fighting between groups, they were fragmented and hard to join. So besides a need for something social (since both of the groups are and were educational and supportive in nature) there was a need for something in the Southern half of the state which could help provide information about things going on in the state and help get people connected. A munch seemed like the obvious choice.

So in deciding whether to begin a munch, you have to look at what the need is in your area. Are there already groups that are educational, social, or supportive in nature? It doesn’t make sense to duplicate what is already being done. There are different forms of munches that can be done. The most typical are held in non-BDSM restaurants and are simply social, but there are plenty of munches which are educational and include demos or play parties. If there is a group in the area that already offers plenty of demos, there is no reason to craft a munch that also has demos.

What

After deciding why to create a munch, what the munch will consist of is essential in the planning stages of the munch and tend to evolve as time goes on. ‘What’ can include simple things such as if the munch will be held at a smoking or no-smoking restaurant, if there be pre-set topics to discuss or a free flowing discussion. Will people be allowed to wear fetish clothes, bring toys they want to show off, or bring information on events or books? Can groups bring information on their events is also something to take into consideration. However its always good to be careful of this because many groups can try to use munches as feeders for their groups – its usually important to make sure that does not happen. These are things to consider in how the munch gets framed and the rules which you will have to enforce at times.

Its best to keep the rules and guidelines simple in the beginning and then expand based on if you need to and the direction the munches move into.

When

Once you have planned the general rules of the whole munch, its important to set a time and date and then stick to it. No matter how many people you think will show up its important to just do it. The first munch is always the hardest. Once the munch has started its equally as important to stick to the same time, day, and place as was established so that people won’t forget. I’ve had people show up at munches just from accidentally being in town and remembering the dates and times. Consistency is very important!

Where

This is somewhat similar to the planning except it deals with location that is important. It is usually good to pick a restaurant that serves American food with a nice selection of vegetarian food. It is also important for the restaurant to have either a separate room or a balcony area for extra privacy. The first munch that I held was in the center of the restaurant. Although people skimmed over talking about BDSM, most of the talk was on computers because it was pretty hard to talk and mill around in a restaurant filled with vanillas.

Its always nice if the restaurant is wheelchair accessible and the food is not too expensive. Separate bills are a lot easier to handle, but the restaurant that I happen to have my munch refuses to do separate bills so I do it on a semi-honor system. Typically we either hand out the bill or as people are leaving have them put money into the bill. Thus far we haven’t had any problems with people not paying their bill and have always had more then enough for a 20-30% tip. However, the honor system may not work for every munch.

In cases where the honor system doesn’t work, there are ways to control the flow of the bill. If the restaurant allows for separate billing and can do it accurately that solves your problem. If not, can go around individually to each person with the bill. Usually going by table makes it easier to keep track or keeping a list of everyone that is at the munch. This allows you to make sure that everyone pays and puts enough money in. Making sure you have the bill in your hands early is important since a lot of times people will leave early and its easy to loose track of who has paid. As a side note, making sure people have to pay for alcoholic drinks at the bar or separately also helps keep the bill low and discrepancies to a minimum.

How

Now you’ve got most of the planning done, how do you get word out about the munches. One of the first thing you can do is go to meetings of groups in your area and talk about the munches. Make sure you bring some sort of sheet with info about the munches with you on either a card or flier that you can hand out to people. Posting information about the munches on newsgroups helps get word out on it. Newsgroups that are good to post on are:

• soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm
• alt.sex.bondage
• alt.sex.sm
• alt.sex.fetish
• alt.sex.spanking
• alt.personals.fetish
• alt.personals.poly
• alt.personals.bondage
• alt.personals.spanking
• alt.personals.intergen

If you are on America Online you can start a member chat room for locals. If you don’t have America Online you can always start a locals BDSM channel on IRC. For general information on IRC visit http://www.irc.com. A fourth way to keep people informed on when the munches is to send out mailings letting people know. An easy place that lets people run announcement only mailing lists is onelist – (no longer up) – or Yahoo Groups – http://groups.yahoo.com

A third way to get news about your munches circulated and if you have the talent, is to have a brief webpage which people can go to for information on the munches. Instead of being bogged down with lots of emails asking basic and repetitive questions, having a webpage that you can refer people to saves time.