BDSM Tribalism: Alternative BDSM Leadership Style

by David Walker

Introduction:

In early "Leathermen" writings the members often referred to themselves as Leather tribes.

However, I doubt that the early Leathermen truly envisioned a community based on tribal standards. For the most part, their background was militaristic and strictly regimented. Perhaps they felt the tribal spirit as they began to evolve into close knit communities and began to adopt tribal elements.

As BDSM groups grew over the years and became "pop" phenomena due to the influence of the Internet, we saw these early traditions begin to fall by the wayside.

The "Het" communities, especially, seem to have rejected these basic traditions and adopted western models of democratically elected clubs. Truth is, many clubs run very well under this model. However, they are usually smaller groups and their membership have many things in common.

When clubs begin to reach medium size and/or larger memberships we often see the same reoccurring pattern emerge. Harsh internal political upheavals begin to spring up as special interest groups within the club form and vie for power and recognition. Often those elected from special interest groups have limited time and experience in the lifestyle or little background in club development and leadership.

They tend to take on the role of lobbyist, on the behalf of a philosophy or mode of operation, rather than focused leadership trying to accomplish a mission statement. Thus, the internal working of the club becomes divided and extreme rancor can exist between the leadership members.

It would seem that the electoral process aids in creating a cycle of destruction in the larger BDSM communities. The result is communities may become splintered or divided.

From these divisions, smaller splinter groups may grow that continue to foster ill will toward individuals and/or clubs of opposing viewpoints. Thus, further division is fostered and perpetrated.

As an observer of BDSM community dynamics for many years I have often questioned the wisdom of the "elected leadership" model and pondered the thought of returning to a tribal form of government rather than "voting" environments.

The western model exercises power downward thus dictating the direction of a group. Someone has gained power through a political process, which is a diversionary process in itself. Power, leadership or stature has been taken from another and now the "new" directives come from above, down to the members.

Like a pyramid structure, pressure is exerted downward upon the membership. The clubs becomes stressed as the rules of the club begin to change and flex due to the changing leadership styles. As new leaders seek to restructure the club to their viewpoint, the basic core mission or shared value system that initially made the club attractive is lost.

SAADE - A Tribal Leadership Model

Leadership:

The tribal model looks at leadership and power from a different perspective.

The tribal model is based on the concept of "leadership by proven experience". Those who have leadership roles are not elected but are invited. They obtain their leadership position based on their demonstrated, "tried and proven" actions rather than words or campaigning.

Native Americans rarely believe "one's words". They believe that one's actions are a reflection of one's value system. Tribal members brought into leadership roles are observed and invitations extended to those who do "good deeds". Those who are living the values espoused by the tribe itself. Those of good hearts, courtesy and good will to others. In this manner the founding value systems of the tribe (or character of the club) are traditionally passed on.

Tried and proven leadership is easily found in our BDSM communities.

They are usually those who volunteer unselfishly, who assume responsibility and work well with others. Those who communicate well and genuinely care about a community. These are those who work to support rather than divide.

We find them to be the behind the scene power base and are consistent, balanced and can make a judgment call. They do not need the recognition of others to determine their self worth. They are resilient and can weather the criticism and difficulties that arise in assuming leadership roles. Knowing that they the fail frequently, they still continue to live the values they espouse.

Power:

The tribal model of leadership believed in exercising "power with", not "power over". They hold in high regard those about them and seek to draw from the experience and direction of the membership itself.

In fact the entire tribal model is structured to power share.

The early Native American tribal structures were founded on units called societies. Each society had a leader who worked or lead a group. It was not unusual to see the Society leader (chieftain) have a council who aided him/her in the affairs of the group's endeavors. The Society's chief would communicate the actions and interest of the group to the tribal council. The tribal council's job was coordination. It tried to take into account the wishes of the members and facilitate activities to care for and nurture the entire community.

Although we will never be able to go back to ancient tribalism, SAADE has adopted and experiments with the tribal structure. Each educational program, special interest group and endeavor has a program coordinator. The program coordinator may have a team or others who work with them. They decide what they would like to do and the program coordinator works with the SAADE Council to implement these programs. The SAADE council acts as a facilitator, coordinates the overall direction of the club, deals with serious problems within the club and is responsible for working with other groups to co-sponsor events and activities.

This creates a circular form of leadership. Ideas and directions freely flow both ways. It creates an atmosphere of mutual respect and ownership of the club. Individual interests are met, everyone who wants to participate has the opportunity to do so, and the tribal leadership model self perpetuates by providing a place (the SIGs and program endeavors) for new leaders to reveal themselves through their actions.

Initial Conclusion:

While the tribal leadership structure is a departure from other club governmental forms, it is a valid governmental choice and is certainly working for us.

To those who may embark on this style of leadership, expect to encounter some resistance. Indeed, some groups have refused to recognize us a "real club" because we have not followed the westernized club structure.

Nonetheless we understand the hesitancy and realize that this is an experimental and pioneering effort. The good news is, the tribal model is working fine.

One of the hallmarks of good tribal government was its "lack" of laws and rules.

History records the fact that the Native American peoples had no need for police, jails, penitentiaries or lawyers. There was no criminal class so they had no need for legal professions. There was no need for written laws, courts or judges. Large communities, numbering in the thousands, existed, but none had a lock-up facility.

How did they do this?

Their lifestyle was a tightly integrated one that encompassed the daily living of spiritual and moral principles. Their unity and lack of laws was the result of a shared value system. They were deeply committed to this value system and this dictated their choices in life.

Customs and rituals enforced these value systems. Tribal customs contained the practical rules for living in harmony with both nature and each other. Rituals reinforced the importance and value of living correctly within the tribal family.

It is important to understand that the survival of the tribe (the people and culture) depended upon strong individuals. Tribal members were fiercely independent thinkers. They had to be to survive the rigors of the time.

They were taught to be judgmental and discerning of each of life's situations. Because most tribes believed that life was an ever-changing creative process, wrought by the hand of the Great Spirit, they tended to "judge each situation on its own merits". They had no cookie-cutter laws that everyone and every situation neatly fitted into.

From an early age, tribal members were taught that it was their responsibility to think and consider correct courses of action. There was no wrong way to do things and each individual decision was respected because it was a forgone conclusion that they had carefully considered the matter. (It was their lifestyle.) Tribal people spoke for themselves and assumed the responsibility of their actions.

Native people lived in a wider world than we live in. They knew and understood nature and the way of other peoples and tribes. They navigated their world by watching patterns. They were observers. They knew the migration patterns of the buffalo, the ways of the otter, the weather and the seasonal patterns. By observation they also came to understand the nature of the people about them.

They could tell what manner of person you were by the trail you left and they understood that this pattern (trail) always spoke the truth about "who" you were.

By watching the pattern of one's life they could predict the preponderance of one's actions. It was through the observation of one's life pattern that one came to a position of honor and respect among tribal members. One's word and reputation is the only currency one has.

Tribal people needed each other. Tribal people were a social people and interplay between one another was important. By mutual cooperation their lifestyles were enhanced.

Therefore, it's not surprising to see that many of the core values that native people practiced centered on strengthening and caring of those around them.

Mutual Respect:

The value of mutual respect is vital and a cornerstone within a club or tribal society. Mutual respect means that you are considerate and thoughtful of others. You understand that other's choices are their own. It does not mean that you have to agree or adopt them as your own. It is simply the direction a person is going in.

Mutual respect among the tribal members added to the tribe's collective self-esteem. It was point of honor to have harmony within the society and everyone worked toward this by communicating and working for the common good. Life was full of learning experiences and cooperative projects. The strengthening of each other through shared experiences brought about deep abiding friendships and strong alliances between tribal members.

The tribal society had no "personality cult" followings. There was respect for others and the opinions of proven experienced tribal members was valued but the value of the individual was more highly prized. Tribal people were participants by choice.

Heartfelt Participation and Recognition:

There was prevailing sense of ownership, pride and willingness to be a part of the tribal family. Individual participation in the projects and lifestyle were seen as exercises in personal character and creative strength.

They worked together to create a safe place for themselves, their families and the continuance of their culture. This brought both personal and tribal recognition. Stature and respect within a community was usually attributed to those who lived honorably and shared freely with other.

Shared accomplishments were deemed a joy. However, everyone had choice and there was no stigma if one chose not to fully join in. The concept of balance was prevalent. The concept of "One choosing their own level of activity" was highly respected.

Self-discipline:

This deeply held value virtually insured that theft and crime against others within the tribe was almost nonexistent. The internal mechanism of a tribal society was built to be self sustaining and supportive of all members, not destructive.

Theft or intentional malicious acts that harmed or dishonored others within the community were considered the epitome of weakness. It reflected the soul of one who was powerless. It revealed that their theft of property or stature was their only avenue to survival.

All the words and bravado one could muster could not wash away the dishonor and disdain this type of action brought. Repeated or extreme cases of malicious action and intent could result in being expelled from the tribe itself.

At the least, it would taint the reputation of the individual and mar their effectiveness for years. Early infractions of this type may not have lead to the expulsion from a tribe but it was a long road back to being trusted. However, it could be done by the obvious changing of one's life pattern.

SAADE embraces these values as its cornerstones for behavior within its club. In essence, SAADE rules are a code of ethics and demonstrated behavior. Honor and integrity is an expectation of SAADE members.

Note that nothing was said about perfection. The tribal heart knows that there is no perfection but the willingness to learn from mistakes, to pioneer forward and continue to grow, is a healthy pattern. A pattern that continually benefits the member and the tribe or club.

Infractions and Courses of Action:

Although our form of government is patterned on the tribal model, we also have sets of rules of behavior that set limits and establishes the overall safety of SAADE. However, on occasion, extreme incidents and situations arise that are well beyond our written rules.

When this happens we follow the tribal model. Each situation is judged on its own merit. We investigate the situation to determine the truth of an incident or what the preponderance of evidence may be and where this may lead. These investigations are very thorough and very time consuming. During the course of an investigation all facts are considered closed and held in confidence by the investigator and the SAADE Council.

After a conclusion and courses of action are determined, the matter is then considered an open record. All members are welcome to look at the body of work that culminated in a decision. The SAADE librarian holds these documents and they may be reviewed by members who wish to do so.

Early tribalism is so different from today's tribal government that my ancestors would hardly recognize it. Over the years pressure from the BIA and state governments have imposed their structures on these traditional models.

Nonetheless there are older tribal concepts that may be helpful to the democratic environment. No doubt what is said here will be upsetting for some. The following are my personal observations and suggested remedies.

Concept 1: Membership Expectations:

From cradle to death tribal culture taught "taking personal responsibility". A part of that responsibility meant looking to the well-being of the overall tribe. I suggest it should be this way in BDSM clubs as well.

Many of today's clubs are like babysitting circles, with its members sitting around complaining about things being wrong but few taking responsibility to make positive changes. Clubs with inactive or irresponsible members are easy prey for take-over maneuvers of special interest groups whom piggy-back into recognition on the reputations of what may have once been a great club.

These types of clubs seem adrift and its leadership impotent to make significant positive changes. Members themselves experience a high degree of frustration and infighting on all levels can be rampant.

I suggest this condition is actually the membership's fault, not the leadership's. Democratic government gets its marching orders from the member's wishes. Leadership becomes unsure of itself when the body is unsure or afraid to make principled decisions.

Also, the nature of the democratic club is political and leaders who wish to continue need the vote of others for their next term. Those who speak up the most (for good or bad) will be perceived by them to be the majority.

Club politics will dictate the direction of the club. As special interests groups vie for their position in a club, value systems begin to shift and the organization can become unstable. The result is the loss of members. Clubs in this state do not die or go away; they remain, but are only shadows of the original founder's intent.

Can this be avoided? Yes! I think so.

Generally, a club will be founded on a mission statement and a value system that was very appealing to potential members. As a result, the club grows. I suggest that part of that value system be an expectation of its members to be participatory. Members should not be accepted at random off the street but face a probationary period before full club membership rights are granted.

Membership means "they own" part of your club by virtue of their vote. It is prudent to choose our partners carefully.

Part of the probationary time is to see is if they are compatible with the club's value system; will they reasonably fit in and are they responsible citizens by attendance and volunteerism? Do they participate?

I believe that a longer probation period is good. Why? If you only meet once a month, you will only have exposure to these folks for a relatively short time. A three-month probation period may mean you only have contact with them for total of 3 to 9 hours. That is hardly enough time to get to know individuals who may impact your life in a negative manner.

Participants who do not meet requirements do not necessarily have to be excluded. Others could still attend functions via an associate membership. Voting rights should be reserved for those who 1) live in the immediate area; 2) are active in the club's functions; and 3) are interested in maintaining the integrity of the club's stated mission.

Concept 2: Leadership by Proven Experience:

Choosing good leaders was the most important task in a tribal society. I believe it is also the most important task for the BDSM club. The integrity and honesty of the club's leadership reflects the worthiness of the club.

It is a misconception that native tribes were lead by "the elders". This was not the case. It is true that respecting and honoring the elders was an integral part of tribal structure but length of time does not translate into good leadership.

Tribal leadership assumed the responsibility of identifying those who demonstrated leadership traits by their life's actions. Age really had nothing to do with it. Demonstrated skills that meet the need were the criteria. Sometimes tribal leaders were young men and women who had a grasp of special skill sets that made for good leadership.

They were easily identified. These are people who volunteer unselfishly, who assume responsibility and participated without the expectation of personal advancement. By their participation they demonstrated their care for their lifestyle. They communicate well and work with others in smaller projects. There were genuine.

I have said many times, our BDSM community does not lack leadership. We find them to be the behind the scene power base for many of our events. They are the resilient workers who can weather the criticism and difficulties that arise in assuming minor leadership roles.

In a tribal structure these people would be brought in closer and given opportunities to be nurtured and grow into stronger leadership roles.

Interestingly enough, in political environments, these are the people who are often rudely shuffled aside by the older leaders who are hesitant to surrender power or status.

The bottom line is that in a democratic voting environment it is the member's responsibility to judge who they want for leaders. Members should be aware of those who work on their behalf. Members should be judgmental and look to those who have demonstrated ability, integrity, honesty and workability.

Based on my tribal value system I believe that only tried and proven leaders should have our vote. My criterion is not just their volunteerism but a proven track record of working toward the unity and the strengthening of our communities.

Concept 3: The Surrendering of One's self to One's own Judgment:

This one is difficult to articulate. It is concept that I'm not sure will translate correctly into English. It is more than self-confidence; it's knowing.

Tribal leadership was hard. Often life and death decisions for the entire tribe rested in the hands of the few men and women who led them.

They had deep moral and spiritual fiber. They had been prepared by their life experiences and by the role models and leaders who influenced and trained them. Leadership at this level presented a situation where they had to make hard decisions based on their your own judgment.

There was no council for them to turn to. They were the final voice.

Often these decisions were unpopular with segments of the tribal members but "principled stands" had to be made. Tribal leadership did not from shrink from the hard decisions. They made these decisions without regard to their status in the community. The "politically correct" or "popularity factor" did not move them.

Many times BDSM leadership faces this same challenge. These leaders must have the physical and emotional strength to make these types of judgment calls, the stamina to stand by their decision and the sheer will power to move forward and continue to work on the behalf of others in spite of harsh or brutal criticism.

Make no mistake: Good leadership is very difficult and often unpopular. The pillars of today's BDSM communities understand this. The best ones are those who can make these hard "judgment calls" through careful research and deliberation.

Again, in a democratic voting structure, this becomes a membership issue.

It is the members who make the final decision on the quality of leadership they have. By the membership being participatory with club activities they will come to know these folks personally and develop a sense of "who can make these difficult calls on their behalf".

An uninformed membership will miss this important quality and elect those who have been able to run good PR campaigns. It is the difference between good leadership and a poor one.

Concept 4: Understanding the Circle:

Tribal leadership was always building for the future. They did this by giving others opportunities to lead and participate. They understood that the continuance of the tribal lifestyle and customs depended on others, not themselves.

It was paradoxical. Jesus once said, "I must decrease but he must increase". Tribal leadership understood his concept.

At the Board (or tribal council) level the responsibility is to lead with a balance of humor, compassion, serious attention to the accomplishment of the mission statement and the overall protection and well-being of the membership.

Plus one more important additional hidden responsibility: To work with and nurture the new upcoming leadership. If a club is to prosper it must support other's efforts to carry on the traditions and values of their club.

To accomplish this, one had to know when to surrender areas of your control to other qualified leaders and would also have to know when to resign or move to another area of community service.

The one thing I don't like about the democratic environment is that when a good leader leaves office, it is often with the shame and stigma of being defeated. It is demeaning and we often lose great club members by this action. Folks leave and never come back.

In a tribal setting, council members would often make a time commitment or choose a time for departure. Then move on to another aspect of the tribal community. Good leaders were developers of new things within the community or could work with younger leaders within the various societies as advisors. They were valued resources, teachers, mentors or simply fellow community members who had the respect of the people for their service. This option is not often open to outgoing Board members.

This may be unrealistic, but perhaps the implementation of guidelines on how election campaigns are conducted should be put in place. A limitation could be placed on the extreme verbal abuse, slander and liable that often occurs four or five months before an election. (We all know this is often the positioning strategy of an opponent).

We are not the "vanilla world". We make our own club rules, so why not? We should insist that our candidates walk with a sense of decency and integrity.

Those who engage in relentless attacks are not qualified candidates. They have missed the important and fundamental principle of mutual respect within our community.

The tribal goal was to preserve the tribal members. Perhaps a mechanism for this should be worked out within BDSM democracies. It's certainly something to be considered.

Have comments or thoughts in this regard; feel free to contact David Walker.

About the Author

David Walker was the Chief Councilman of SAADE and is still a regular contributor to the SAADE newsletter.

"In 2001, Trainer Carolyn resigned as the SAADE leader and handed over the group to Master David Walker.

Under Master David's leadership a different form of governing body was established. He patterned the SAADE leadership after the early Native American tribal model.

A council of Dominants representing the lifestyle interests of the community were chosen.

The SAADE Council, led by Master David Walker in the role of Chief Council, continues to pursue the goals of providing a safe haven for Dominants (and submissives) to meet and learn and socialize.

Master David's vision has been to expand SAADE into a resource and supportive role for the SM community at large.

It is under His leadership that the Austin Mentors Program, the Members Marketplace, The SAADE Gazette and various other programs have been implemented.

David has been involved in BDSM since around 1983. He is in a monogamous D/s relationship with sapphire. sapphire has been in the scene since approximately 1993.

Although David resigned as Chief Council in April 2003, he still remains an active participant in SAADE."