BDSM 101 History - CIVILIAN

by Lady Hugs

Entire contents are hereby Copyrighted © 2004

In the study of civilian area of rituals, customs, salutes, etiquette, manners and protocol, it is more relaxed due to the involvement of civilians, which may not be involved in the military, religious or imperial circles. The civilian base also must include those of the fairer sex, to which the military, religious and imperial circles do not necessarily need to address. Thus the military, religious and imperial circles have a more narrow application to such rules of behavior.

Saluting a civilian, is a gesture to which the individual indicates respect. This may be the tip of the hat, a gesture as a salute as if wearing a military cover (hat) or it’s total removal. In most cases the salute as if wearing a military cover or it’s total removal, is mostly done with the ladies, to whom are respected and admired. However, if the lady is not known to the gentleman, that gentleman reserves the salute until that unknown lady acknowledges. Then it is proper to gesture a respectful salute.

Unfortunately, the most distressing fact, is that civilian men that are untrained in proper respect, fail to remove their covers or hats and place them over their heart, in respect for the flag of the United States. The scenes on television of those failing to do so, is disturbing.

The handshake is also considered a salute. A gentleman should never offer their hand first to the lady. Ladies offer their hand first to the gentleman. If the hand is offered palm down, it is an invitation to place a dry kiss on her hand, between the index finger’s knuckle and the middle finger’s knuckle up a little to the back of the hand. Men should not press hard on a lady’s hand. A lady’s grip is the guide to a man’s response to her pressure intensity tolerance. Gently rolling the hand, the gentleman may then bow from the waist and kiss her hand. A man does not lift the hand up past her cleavage. Should a woman extend her hand where the edge of her hand is south and north, it is an indication that the lady’s preferred salute or greeting, should be a handshake. Again, the lady governs the pressure of the hand pumping and grip. This mannerism has it’s roots to the gentle nature of the ladies, their strength is not of a warrior, thus a strong grip by a man can crush a lady’s hand and give great pain or discomfort.

There are many forms of kissing a lady’s hands, which has meaning but, rarely studied as to understand what silent messages the man sends by the way he kisses a lady’s hand. The appearance of kissing the back of a lady’s hand but not touching the hand itself with lips, is always correct. If the lady is known to him, then kissing with dry lips is acceptable. However, the more rarer forms of hand kissing is very suggestive. By taking a lady’s offered hand, turning the hand as to be palm upwards, placing a dry kiss into the palm, then the man gently folds her fingers over, as if to enclose the kiss or holding the kiss, implies extreme admiration for her. By turning a lady’s hand over, palm up and then with a tip of the tongue licks the palm slightly, means the man is asking for a more intimate acquaintance. But, warning. Do not do such a gesture if you have no honorable intentions to deliver. Another style of kiss to the hand, is by taking a lady’s hand, spreading the fingers gently, as the man gazes into her eyes, with the tip of a dry tongue lick the web of the spread fingers, implies that you wish a more intimate acquaintance. Please do not use such kisses, if there is no intention to deliver.

The bow is also considered a salute. This may be found mostly in the imperial branches of manners, protocol, etiquette, custom or ritual. However, in Japan the bow from the waist, placing both hands palms against the thighs. In Japanese this is called rei. In Korea, the bow from the waist is followed by hands pressed together with fingers pointed to the parallel. This type of bow is called panbae. The bow and curtsey will be covered in the imperial section, as it applies to the nobility and royal class.

An obeisance is not only a gesture of respect, it is also submission. Although the roots of obeisance dates back to fifth century, before Christ, it was later adopted by Alexander the Great, after the defeat of Persia (Iran). Introducing this Persian etiquette to his court, visitors depending on rank had to kneel before the king, kneel and bend from the waist to kiss the king, prostrate themselves before the king or bow to the king.

More elaborate obeisance are used in more formal occasions. The Mandarin bow, the Putonghua which translates to "bump on the head," is another gesture of deep respect, as to bow so low one touches their forehead to the ground. The English define this same gesture as kowtow. By kneeling, then sitting on the heels, with the hands placed upon the thighs. With a slight pause, the person places their hands upon the floor before their knees and the body inclines to the horizontal. By the individual’s placement of their head, is the degree of respect shown. In most instances, in religious ceremonies the head is place on the floor, showing the deepest respect. Yet, it is normal in martial arts that the neck remains straight and does not touch the floor.

The genuflect , which is kneeling with one bent knee is often practiced in religious ceremonies, such as the Roman Catholics, Orthodox and Anglican churches.