BDSM or Abuse? - Part 2

"The difference between an abused person and a submissive"

by Sinsational

An abused person...	A submissive...
Is frightened of their partner's temper and emotional outbursts	Is not afraid of their Dominant's temper or emotional expression because their has never been an incident where the Dominant has lost control of his behavior and blamed in on their emotions. There is open discussion both ways in the relationship about each other's emotions and feelings, fears and hopes.
Is often compliant because they are afraid to hurt their partner's feelings or are afraid of their partner's anger	Is not afraid of their Dominant at anytime, not even when they have disobeyed or not lived up to expectations or failed to complete a task. Dominants are so self assured and self confident that they don't take things personally and if something is personal they accept responsibility and control and deal with the issue if it is about them, they are not crushed by personal affronts.
Will have the urge to "rescue" their partner when or because their partner is troubled. An abused person fixes the messes that the jerk leaves in their wake for fear of what will continue if the problem isn't fixed immediately even though the abused person had nothing to do with creating the problem in the first place.	Should be controlled by the Dominant therefore they do not need to "rescue" the Dominant from themselves. If the Dominant is truly in control he/she can and will ask for whatever assistance they need to deal with the issues and events that face them. If you are "rescuing" the Dominant then who is really in control? If the Dominant is troubled it doesn't hurt to ask what assistance you can be. If your enquiry is met with anger, a cold shoulder or other negative responses then the person is out of control, not in control. A Dominant would either gratefully accept the offer and discuss what assistance is needed or calmly and LOVINGLY acknowledge your concern and tell you it is ok he has everything under control but thanks for caring and offering your support. A Dominant isn't offended easily, his/her ego can't be bruised. A Dominant cleans up their own mess and mistakes, they may ask for assistance but they also direct the clean up of the mess or the fix to the mistake or misjudgment.
Will find themselves apologizing to themselves or others for their partner's behavior when they are treated badly	Doesn't feel the need to excuse or apologize their Dominants behavior or actions. A Dominant would never allow a submissive to make such excuses or apologies for him/her. It would be a dishonor to their being to allow a submissive to make excuses or apologies for them.
Has been hit, kicked, shoved or had objects thrown at them, been made to fear or have been threatened with such behavior either by words or actions of their partner when the partner is jealous, angry or when the partner is trying to gain or maintain control	Submits and serves because it pleases them to do so not because they fear what will happen if they do not submit or serve. The causing of physical pain in D/s or BDSM should make you "WET", even if the pain is punishment it should still make you wet at some point and you should not be fearful, anxious maybe but NEVER fearful. Consensual prearranged scenes, such as a rape fantasy or forced submission fantasy, might include being, hit, kicked, threatened by words or actions of the Dominant and the submissive wants to feel as close to fear/terror as they can. The difference between a scene such as this and abuse are the words CONSENSUAL, SCENE, and PREARRANGED this is role playing, has been consented ( willingly not out of fear ) to or maybe even asked for by the submissive and the behavior is not out of anger or loss of control of the Dominant. Again this one is very black and white.
Will make decisions about activities and friends according to their fear of not doing what their partner wants or out of fear of how their partner will react	Will make decisions based on what pleases their Dominant knowing that their Dominant is concerned with the wants and needs of the submissive and knowing that the Dominant makes decisions based on what is in everyone's best interest. A submissive makes decisions that they believe will please their Dominant, they do not make decisions based of fear of upsetting or angering the Dominant.
May drink or use drugs to escape the stress of the abusive life	Doesn't want to escape the reality of their life and doesn't need drugs or alcohol to cope as they have a Dominant who helps guide them through any stress.
Some abused people have been abused as a child or seen their mother abused.	Some submissives have been abused as children and have seen their mothers abused. It is so very important for submissive women involved in "lifestyle" relationships to be aware of the difference between BDSM D/s and abuse.