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Top 18 Ways To Tell If You Are Too Old For BDSM

18. You have a hard time finding leather Depends
17. Your most repeated scene sound is, "I've fallen and I can't get up!"
16. Hot wax is what covers your cake once all the candles are lit.
15. You find yourself saying things like, "In my day, we didn't have no fancy store-bought toys. We had to walk 10 miles uphill in 8 feet of snow and cut down a tree and make our own damn paddles before we could spank somebody."
14. You keep tripping over the chain on the nipple clamps when you walk.
13. Edge play involves your submissive pushing your wheelchair too close to the curb.
12. You provoke your Master to strap you, knowing he will not remember where he left his belt.
11. You crave suspension to relieve the bunions on your feet
10. Sensory deprivation is when your Dom hides your hearing aid batteries.
9. Your nipple clamps have training wheels.
8. Edge play is standing by the microwave with a pacemaker
7. When you tell your sub to get the cane, she has to specify "walking" or "beating"
6. You can't tell the difference between your tattoos and your age spots
5. You shout "One, two, three, CLEAR! " for electrical play
4. Your idea of breath play is when your wheelchair runs over your oxygen hose
3. Your idea of suspension is an UltraLift bra.
2. You hold the paddle and say, "You're younger than me. ...back into the paddle ....HARD!"

And the Number One way to tell you might be too old for BDSM:

1. Age play really is 24/7