HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND WOMEN
(AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT)

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN

She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER - She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE

She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE

She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY

She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION

She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED

She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED

She is not HORNY - She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED

She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED

She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE

She is not a SLUT - She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED

She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS - She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR

She is not a TWO BIT WHORE - She is a LOW COST PROVIDER

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

He does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY

He is not a BAD DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN

He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He is INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS

He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION

He is not a CRADLE ROBBER - He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS

He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK - He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL

He does not act like a TOTAL ASS - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION

He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He has SWINE EMPATHY

He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED