Cynic's Guide to Life

1. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a squeaking fan belt and a leaky tire.

2. I believe for every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows. And a foundation leaks and a ball game gets rained out and a car rusts and...

3. Follow your dream. Unless it's the one where you're at work in your underwear during a fire drill.

4. Always take time to stop and smell the roses... and sooner or later you'll inhale a bee.

5. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either, just leave me alone.

6. If you don't like my driving, don't call anyone.

7. Just take another road. That's why the highway department made so many of them.

8. If a motorists cuts you off, just turn the other cheek.

9. Nothings gets the message across like a good mooning