ACTUAL BUSINESS SIGNS

• On a Maternity Room door: "Push, Push, Push."

• On a Front Door: " Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog."

• At an Optometrist's Office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

• In a Non-smoking area: "If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

• On a Physicist's Door: "Gone Fission."

• On a Taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff."

• In a Podiatrist's window: "Time wounds all heels."

• At a Used Car Lot: "Second Hand cars in first crash condition."

• On a fence: "Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive."

• At a Car Dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."

• Outside a Muffler Shop: "No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming."

• At an Auto Body Shop: "May we have the next dents?"

• In a Veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

• On a Music Teacher's Door: "Out Chopin."

• At the Electric Company: "We would be delighted if you pay your bill. However, if you don't, you will be."

• In a Beauty Shop: "Dye now!"

• On the side of a Garbage Truck: "We've got what it takes to take what you've got."

• On the door of a Computer Store: "Out for a quick byte."

• In a Restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up."

• Inside a Bowling Alley: "Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop."

• In a Cafeteria: "Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. Socks can eat any place they want."

• On the door of a Music Library: "Bach in a minuet."

• In the front yard of a Funeral Home: "Drive carefully, we'll wait."

• In a Counselor's office: "Growing old is mandatory. Growing wise is optional."